


What Doesn't Kill You

by Stark_Black



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, BDSM, BDSM education, Iruka Is Kind Of Badass, Iruka Is Not Girly, Kakashi Hates Himself, M/M, Mission Fic, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Service Top, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:51:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 71,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5338175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stark_Black/pseuds/Stark_Black
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi and Iruka are sent on a dangerous and enlightening mission. Unfortunately, this mission could have serious emotional ramifications.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission Qualifications

**Author's Note:**

> Just going to put this out there: This is a poor attempt to torture some of my favorite characters. That being said, I wanted to write something with some heavy emotional elements, as well as some realistic BDSM. (I say realistic lightly because they are ninjas and ninjas can do things that normal people can't.) If bondage, slight humiliation, blood play, or extreme angst is not your cup of tea I highly recommend that you read something else. Also, several of the themes here skim the lines of non-con territory, just an extra warning. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Kakashi read over the report a second time, his one visible eye narrowing as the details sunk in. He slowly rolled his gaze up and over the top of the mission scroll and fixed a cold hard stare at the Fire Nation's fifth Hokage.

"Are you kidding?" he asked softly. "This is some kind of joke, right?"

Tsunade rested her chin in her hand and tapped manicured fingernails on the polished wood of her desk. She shook her head slowly and sighed.

"I wish it were, but it's not. We really have no choice, their deaths were complete accidents. No one saw it coming."

Kakashi let out a breath and tossed the scroll on the desktop. He then moved to sit in the chair across from the Hokage and rubbed his eyelid with his pointer finger. If Tsunade was irked at his informality, she said nothing. 

"So… okay, let me run this by you out loud so you can hear how outrageous it is." Kakashi slouched and lifted his left leg to rest the ankle on his right knee. "You're sending two people—two men—over a thousand miles away into enemy territory, to pose as sex exhibitionists."

Tsunade stared at him deadpan for a moment before she nodded.

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "Are you drunk?"

He instantly wished he hadn't said that. The Hokage was on her feet, teeth bared and snarling at him from across the desk. Kakashi lost his air of bored annoyance as he was fairly sure that the desk was the only thing keeping him alive at the moment. However, he kept his cool for the most part and stayed in his seat. 

" _There's nothing else I can do!_ " Tsunade roared. " _These two were highly trained, highest ranking ninja, with clearances you couldn't even begin to touch!_ " The blonde stopped then, taking a breath and slowly returning to her seat. Kakashi sat quietly, waiting as Tsunade smoothed her hair and righted the empty coffee mug she had tipped over in her angry outburst. 

"These two were the best," she continued. "They had connections to almost every major organized crime syndicate from here to the goddamned moon! No one knows they're dead yet, and if we move quickly, no one ever will! If we can get undercover replacements to where they need to be for their next three shows, that buys enough time to find permanent ones.”

She eyed him with her most serious, most terrifying glare. “We _can't_ let this chance slip by."

"So… why are you assigning me, again?" Kakashi drawled, unaffected by her heartfelt speech.

“You’re perfect for this mission.” Tsunade flipped open a folder on the desk and pulled back a few pages stapled to the inside. "The dominant in the duo is described as 'tall, pale-skinned, and wears an eye patch over his left eye'." The blonde's brow wrinkled and her long eyelashes danced as she scanned the report. “Sadistic, specializes in body manipulation and pain play. Favorite punishment for his submissive is sensory deprivation.” 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. 

“It was the sadist part that drew my attention,” Tsunade muttered. 

Kakashi rubbed at his forehead. He understood what she was saying. He also understood the importance and the severity of this situation. He wasn't opposed to the idea. In fact, a little voice in the back of his head—one that he was a little ashamed of actually—was nagging that it might actually be kind of interesting. But there was one glaring problem about this whole thing that the Copy Nin could see right off the bat. 

"So... what poor bastard is going to be my partner on this… unusual mission?" 

Tsunade's eyes closed. She had obviously been having trouble with this part as well, judging by the way her shoulders seemed to suddenly be carrying the weight of a thousand words upon them.

"There are seven ninja in the village that fit the submissive’s physical description. Four of those have the… qualifications needed to undertake some of the things they'll have to do."

Kakashi's visible eyebrow rose. "Qualifications?" he was pretty sure he knew what she meant, but the Copy Nin wanted to hear her say it.

Tsunade rested her elbows on her desk and rubbed her forehead tiredly. "Don't ask stupid questions. What do you think the qualifications are?"

"Humor me," Kakashi smirked under the mask.

"Most importantly, they're okay with having sex with another man," she glared at him. "They also need to have passed the psych evaluation and all tests proving that they can handle public humiliation."

"So we don't have any gay ninja in Konoha that are actually exhibitionists?" Kakashi snipped.

Tsunade rolled her eyes and spoke through a clenched jaw. "Not that fit the sub's physical description."

Kakashi looked at the floor, letting all the facts weigh in his head. There were going to be extreme ramifications to undertaking a mission like this, and what was worse, if he happened to actually know the guy that ended up being his partner, they would probably never be able to work together again.

As if she knew what he was thinking, Tsunade interrupted his thoughts. "I know this is going to be very, very awkward for you, and for whoever ends up joining you." Kakashi gave her a look, that said 'no shit' but she continued. "In light of that, I've spoken to the counsel, and we have come to a decision. When you two return, you will have the option of having your memory erased."

"Eh?" Kakashi asked, surprised. 

"I know, I know." Tsunade waved a hand dismissively. "We've made an exception to the Yamanaka’s forbidden mind alteration jutsu. I argued that you and whoever goes with you will be more affective if you both know this will be forgotten when it's over. I did not give the specifics of the mission, so when everything is done, if you two decide to have your memory of the mission erased, only I will know what really happened."

Kakashi blinked slowly and then turned to stare out the window. He scratched at the back of his head and rolled everything around in his brain. That changed everything: A mission with absolutely no consequences. Sort of. He wouldn't remember what went down, and more importantly, his partner wouldn't remember anything. There wouldn't be any awkward moments in the mission room when they returned, and his sometimes ferocious sexual habits would remain a secret.

He turned his attention back to Tsunade, smiling enough to let his one visible eye crinkle.

"You gonna let me know who the candidates are for my partner?"

"NO!"

The Copy Nin held up his hands. "Okay okay, just thought I'd ask. I like surprises sometimes."

Tsunade stood, gathering the mission scroll and assortment of folders that went with it. "So I should be taking that as a yes?"

Kakashi held up his hands. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Technically you do. I could send Genma in your place, but he's on a mission right now and not due back for several weeks."

"So, in other words, I don't really have a choice."

Tsunade tucked the paperwork underneath her arm and grabbed the empty coffee cup from the desk.

"Correct."

* * *

That night, a heavy mist saturated the air as Kakashi made his way over the rooftops. He was packed, heading toward the eastern gate, and not a little excited to see who the Hokage had assigned as his partner. The moon shone brightly over the tops of the trees as the Copy Nin swooped down to the packed earth of Konoha's main street. He surveyed the area, but saw no one. Strange, since he was almost half an hour late to the rendezvous.

He took a few silent steps forward. The large city gates stood open a few feet to let in returning ninja. The sentry, a young chuunin with short red hair, sat in the box ignoring him, his face in a book.

What the hell? Kakashi thought. Did he chicken out at the last minute?

The Copy Nin relaxed when he felt the barest touch of chakra signature. It was warm and pleasant, friendly, but a little hesitant. Kakashi was used to that though; almost everyone (except Naruto and Sakura of course) was hesitant around him most of the time.

"Kakashi-san?" a soft voice said behind him.

_No way…_

Kakashi had to use a significant amount of restraint to not spin around dragging his jaw through the dirt. There, standing in front of him, was none other than Umino Iruka, Konoha's number one sensei, and lover of all things proper and good. This _had_ to be a joke. Any moment now, Tsunade and Gai, or freaking Raidou or Shykakyu were going to pop out of nowhere and yell "Just kidding! Oh my god, you should have seen the look on your face!" But as Kakashi stared, nothing happened except Iruka seemed to get a little antsy and his cheeks started to darken.

"I um," Iruka began softly, "I know this is weird, and I'm probably not the best choice for this mission, but I promise to do my best even though I'm not a super jounin."

Kakashi blinked. This was kind of good, but kind of bad in a way too. Iruka wasn't a jounin, yes, but that didn't mean he wasn't a formidable ninja. He was highly skilled, patient, smart, and he followed orders extremely well. Besides being super bad-ass, it was pretty much everything that Kakashi liked in a mission partner.

On the other hand, Iruka was _extremely cute!_ The Copy Ninja didn't have a problem admitting to himself that he might have just the tiniest of crushes on the academy sensei. But really, who didn’t? For this mission, however, _that was not good!_ And damnit, Iruka was funny and goddamn _nice!_ This was not a mission for someone like him! Iruka deserved to get missions that were all about rescuing children or world peace or saving kittens from evil trees! Not going to some far off country with eccentric Copy Ninja Kakashi and posing as a sexual deviant!

A thought struck Kakashi just then and his brain started to hurt from the epiphany that it caused.

If Iruka was here, that meant that he _qualified_ …

"Yo," Kakashi put up a hand in greeting. "Sorry I spaced out. You're definitely not on the list of people I thought could be meeting me here, sensei."

Iruka nodded, his gaze lowering to the ground. 

Kakashi continued, thinking he had maybe said something wrong with the way Iruka's shoulders seemed to sag.

"It's not a bad thing. And I meant that not like I didn't think you were good enough. I meant it like I didn't think you'd be so inclined-"

"I know what you meant, Kakashi-san," Iruka looked up again and met his eyes. Kakashi relaxed when he saw a small smile pulling at the corners of the younger man's mouth.

"It means a lot that you feel that way. Thank you." 

_So polite!_ Kakashi nodded. "Think nothing of it, sensei. Everyone knows you're a good guy. This mission isn't going to make me think any differently."

Iruka's smile widened and he nodded as well. "Well good, let's get going then."

Kakashi turned and readied himself for a leap into the trees.

* * *

They traveled for most of the night, the next morning, rested in the late afternoon the next day, and continued moving well into the evening. Kakashi was reminded again of what a great teammate Iruka was as they moved through the trees. He obviously was tired, but the man never complained or asked to stop for extra breaks. He followed Kakashi's pace and kept his attention focused on their surroundings.

When they made camp for the night, Iruka sat down in front of the fire beside Kakashi. He let his back rest against the large fallen log behind them and pulled out a package wrapped in brown paper. The smell of spices and dried meat hit Kakashi's nostrils and his mouth started to water. Inside Iruka's bundle were several thick strips of jerky. The younger man took one for himself and offered the bundle to Kakashi.

"Thanks," the Copy Nin watched as Iruka carefully rewrapped the package and put it back in his pack. When he bit into the snack, his taste buds exploded, sending his saliva glands into frenzy. "Wow, this is good," he said around the mouthful.

Iruka smiled as he chewed. "It's from Choji. I don't go on missions very often, so when I do he always makes me something."

"Jeez." Kakashi murmured, tearing into another bite. "Must be nice."

Iruka nodded. "It is."

Kakashi had expected the silences between them to be awkward, but he was surprised and pleased to find that they were not. Iruka was the same as he had been back when he had been a part of Kakashi’s team. The sensei seemed always at ease and extremely content just sitting, watching the firelight. He was calm and collected, respectful, and helpful when it came time for duties—for example when they made camp. Iruka was still sweet and thoughtful, even now when they were on their way to fulfill a mission that should have had the teacher moody and anxious. The younger man's attitude delighted Kakashi. The Copy Nin found he had a new respect for the academy sensei even greater than the one he had previously held.

"You're pretty cool, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi murmured.

The look Iruka gave him then was worth more than anything the teacher could have said in response. The man's face turned a delicious shade of cherry tomato and he rubbed at the scar across his nose in a way that was strangely charming.

"I uh… w-what?" Iruka stammered. "We're just sitting here, how… why do you say that?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, we're headed toward this crazy mission and you're no different than normal. You're still calm and nice and sharing your yummy Akimichi treats with me. It's just cool."

Iruka smiled and wrapped his arms around one of his knees. "It's not that big a deal."

Kakashi leaned back against the log, cocking his head to the side. "Yes it is..."

Iruka made a noise, but didn't argue. Kakashi sat for a few minutes, watching Iruka watch the fire. He thought about what Tsunade had said, and before he could stop himself, he was speaking what was on his mind.

"Iruka-sensei, can I ask you something?"

Iruka didn't look at him, but he nodded.

Kakashi cleared his throat gently. "Tsunade-baba told me what the qualifications for this mission were… and now you're here… so should I assume that you're, uh…"

Iruka turned to him then and Kakashi was expecting a glare. He was surprised again however when the academy teacher smirked at him and rested fully against the log. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

"I'm not gay, if that's what you're asking."

"Ah." Kakashi frowned as his confusion grew. "So… uh…"

Iruka smiled and explained. "I've gone on other missions where I had to be with a man. I don't mind it that much. It's actually been pretty good a couple of times. But I still think I prefer girls, so I think I’m bi... Yeah, probably bi."

Kakashi nodded. "Oh, okay, that makes sense."

"And I guess I look just like the guy that died," Iruka continued, “he had a scar over his nose too.” The sensei shifted against the log. “When Tsunade-san called me to her office, she told me that I was her first choice in looks, but even though I qualified on the psych tests, I didn't score the highest."

Kakashi sat up. "But they ended up sending you anyway? How’s that?"

“I volunteered.”

“You _what!?_ ” Kakashi’s head almost exploded.

Iruka cracked an eye open and made a face at Kakashi. “Don’t be weird. I did it because I saw the list of all the potentials. I thought it would save some time.” 

Kakashi scratched at his cloth-covered chin. Iruka’s admission had sent him reeling, but that didn’t overshadow the fact that the Copy Nin knew the sensei wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

“I guess that sounds good on paper,” Kakashi said softly, “But why did you really volunteer?”

Iruka opened his eyes slowly. He sighed and sat up, folding his legs and resting his elbows on his knees. He sat quietly for so long that Kakashi started to think he wasn't going to answer. But then the younger man let out a breath and started to absently pluck the grass by his foot.

"That list I mentioned before? It was sitting on her desk when I came in. I don’t think she meant for me to see it, but she seemed a little stressed. There were five names on it, including mine, and when I saw them…” He stopped there and his face looked pained. Kakashi sat absolutely still, not wishing to break the spell and take Iruka out of this sharing mood.

"My friend, Izumo, he’s a chunnin, I don’t know if you know him." At this he looked up and Kakashi shook his head. “Well, anyway, he’s a really good friend, has been for a long time. His name was three or four down on the list. He’s pretty unshakable. He’s strong, cool, he can take a lot and be just fine. He’s gay, and his partner and him are pretty rough, so I can see how he’d look good if you’re just looking at his file. But…”

Here, Iruka paused, running a hand over his mouth. When he continued, his voice was low. “Zumo was… taken advantage of when he was younger, some jounin on a mission to Rain or something. He can’t bottom. He gets sick just thinking about it.”

Kakashi nodded slowly. “I see…”

The Copy Nin knew there was more by the way Iruka was looking away, watching the grass, carefully avoiding eye contact. Kakashi sat quietly, knowing that Iruka would tell him if he wanted to.

Finally, the young sensei sighed. “The uh… the main reason I volunteered though was Shikamaru.”

Kakashi’s head felt like it might explode again. “Shikamaru? Nara Shikamaru?”

Iruka nodded. “He’s so smart he runs circles around those stupid psych tests. I have no idea if he really is inclined or not but, he has the same physical profile as me, and he’s only a little shorter so…” He growled softly and put his cheek in his hand. “I wish he’d take stuff seriously sometimes.” 

Kakashi put a hand out before he really thought about what he was doing, and gripped Iruka's shoulder gently. "You know he's a ninja of Konoha, sensei. You can't protect him from everything forever."

"Oh, I know that," Iruka looked at him then. His eyes were sad. "I understand that completely. But there's just some things… there was no reason to make Shikamaru do this. I have experience. I’m older. I have a real damn scar on my face. I’m not fourteen and innocent and courting a cute girl from Suna.”

“You don’t know that he’s innocent—”

“He’s fourteen, Kakashi-san.” 

There was that teacher’s voice. It was rough and absolute and Kakashi kind of liked it. Even if he didn’t completely agree with the sensei, he could understand where Iruka was coming from.

“So, you volunteered for the mission to save your friend and former student.”

Iruka looked away again. “I know they’re ninja and they’ve given their lives to serving the greater good of Konoha… but I just couldn’t sit back and let it happen, not if I had a way to stop it. I know it was stupid.”

Kakashi felt a tug in his chest, and words from long ago echoed in the back of his head.

“It’s absolutely not stupid, Iruka-sensei,” he said quietly. 

Iruka slowly turned to him but he said nothing.

“I think it was brave and selfless. Izumo is lucky to have you for a friend. Not to mention Shikamaru.” 

Iruka watched him for a few moments, breathing softly, his eyes searching Kakashi’s face. When he spoke, it was achingly sweet and it warmed some very cold parts of Kakashi’s body.

“Thank you…” 

The two lapsed back into silence. An immeasurable amount of time passed as the two nin watched the fire and dozed comfortably. When Kakashi moved to add more kindling to the dying flame, Iruka stretched slowly and stood. He slipped his hands in his pockets and smiled down at Kakashi.

"I'm gonna turn in. You wore me out with your twelve hours of running without a break."

Kakashi chuckled, so he had wanted to stop after all? Well, good on him for not actually asking.

"See you in the morning, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka nodded and turned towards his bedroll. Kakashi watched as he stretched out, lying with his back to the Copy Nin, his head resting on his arm. It was a long time before Kakashi retired to his own bedroll, and when he did, he heard Iruka speak to him in the softest of voices over the crackle of the fire.

"Kakashi-san?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

There were a few long moments of silence before Iruka continued.

“It’s really great to be on your team again…”

Kakashi didn't know what to say. It wasn’t very often that someone spoke so highly of him without an agenda. Iruka’s comment was sincere, heartfelt and completely innocent. It touched Kakashi deep down where no one had been able to reach in a lot time. When the Copy Nin was finally able to think up words for a response, he had to get them past the lump that had suddenly grown in his throat. 

"Stop being so cool, Iruka-sensei."

* * *

“Oh my god, don’t say anything,” Iruka made a pained face. “Just count to three and do it.”

Kakashi tried not to laugh and scooted a little closer to the younger man. “It won’t hurt that bad, it’s only a little prick and we’re done. Look, it’s just a baby senbon.”

“It has nothing to do with it hurting or not!” Iruka made a noise that was an amusing combination between a whine and a laugh. “It’s the fact that it’s right there! There in that spot! I can’t handle it!”

The two nins were seated cross legged on the grass facing each other. Kakashi held a small needle in his hand, and Iruka sat shirtless only inches away. The academy teacher was at the moment shielding his chest with his tanned arms, and trying desperately not to break out into peals of laughter as he had a moment ago when Kakashi had moved in close to his skin. 

This time Kakashi did laugh. “You’re being a baby.”

“But it _tickles!_ ” Iruka yelped. The sensei’s cheeks were crimson, but he was smiling.

“How bout I knock you out and I’ll do it to you while you’re unconscious.” Innuendo be damned, _that_ sounded like a fantastic idea. 

“No!” Iruka took a few deep breaths and removed his arms. “Okay, okay. I can do this.”

Kakashi bit his lips beneath his mask and leaned in, trying to ignore how pretty Iruka’s nipples were after they had sterilized them with alcohol and a cotton pad. The skin around them was flushed pink and the small buds stood out, hard in the cool evening breeze.

“Okay,” Kakashi snickered. “On three… One… Two-”

“-Gah! Just do it!-”

“-three!”

Iruka made a high-pitched whining noise, but did a fairly good job keeping still while Kakashi pushed the needle through his left nipple. “Oh shit! It does hurt!” the younger man cried between trying to hold down his laughter and not thrash out of the Copy Nin’s hold.

When the small silver barbell was in place, Iruka fell back laughing until tears ran down his cheeks. Kakashi couldn’t hold it in anymore, the sight of a full-grown man in hysterics over being tickled did him in. He cracked up right along with the young sensei.

“Oh my god,” Kakashi said when he caught his breath. “What are we gonna do when we have to do nipple play!?”

Iruka grinned up at him from the grass and shook his head. “I have no idea.”

Kakashi sighed, returning the grin so his eye crinkled merrily. “I had no idea you were so ticklish, sensei.”

Iruka shrugged. “Sorry.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Kakashi waved his hand. “Actually it’s kind of cute.”

Iruka rolled his eyes. “Thanks, I guess.” He pointed to his pack. “Hand me the salve in the front pocket, Kakashi-san?”

Kakashi complied, pulling the small container from the pouch and handing it to the younger nin. He chuckled as Iruka opened it and dipped his fingers into the clear gel.

“Pink, sensei?”

Iruka rolled his eyes again. “I got it from Sakura.”

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. “Because you don’t go on missions often?”

“Correct,” Iruka nodded as he applied the salve to his now swollen nipple. Kakashi licked his lips and had to turn away. The sight was just a little too tempting.

“This is embarrassing,” Iruka chuckled quietly. “I’m glad you won’t remember it.”

Kakashi snorted. “Yeah, I’ll just have to enjoy it while I can.” He held up the needle and flipped it dexterously through his fingers.

“Ready for the other one?”

* * *

He was going to have to do it sooner or later. They were about to eat, so now was as good a time as any. It was going to be weird, and he was going to stare, but surprisingly, Kakashi found himself not that anxious about it.

As Iruka pulled his rations bag from his pack and pulled the string to open it, Kakashi slowly lifted his hand and pushed the hitai-ate up so it sat properly on his forehead. He then hooked his fingers over the edge of his mask and pulled the fabric down, exposing his mouth, his chin, all the way down his throat. He sat on the fallen log across from Iruka and rested an elbow on his knee. He opened his own rations pack and shuffled through the contents. When all sound had ceased from Iruka’s direction, Kakashi figured it was because the sensei was staring.

He was wrong. When the Copy Nin looked up, Iruka was turned away, staring wide-eyed into the tree line. He was holding the top of his pack, his knuckles white in a death grip. 

Kakashi had to grin. Umino Iruka: always polite. 

“You’re gonna have to look eventually, sensei,” Kakashi drawled.

“I…” Iruka’s eyes studied the forest like it held all the answers to every mystery in the universe. “I know… I just… I was about to… and then you… and I thought you’d be handsome, but you’re—you’re… and now I can’t eat, and now I won’t be able to sleep, and-”

Kakashi snickered. He threw a piece of dried fruit in his mouth and smiled wide. The pull on his cheeks felt strange without the thick fabric cover.

Iruka tried to swallow, but it seemed his muscles didn’t want to cooperate. 

“Stop laughing at me,” the sensei pouted. “It’s not funny.”

Kakashi tossed a piece of dried apple at Iruka’s head. “Oh, sensei, you’re wrong. It’s _really_ funny.”

Iruka, having caught the apple slice, flung it back at Kakashi, not looking to see if it hit. The Copy Nin dodged the hurling fruit and stood. He waltzed across the camp with a lazy gait that camouflaged his natural alertness. He sat down next to Iruka and the teacher whirled around, effectively placing his back to Kakashi.

“Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi sing-songed, “you do know that eventually we’re going to have to have sex with each other, right? If this little face thing is going to send you into fits of embarrassment, we’re going to have a problem.”

Iruka growled over his shoulder and the jounin was pleased to see the younger man’s cheeks were a dark shade of lobster.

“You didn’t give me any time to prepare at all! One minute it’s normal, and the next it’s WOA, Kakashi-san’s FACE! What the hell are you trying to do? _Kill me?!_ ”

Kakashi snickered. “But, Iruka-sensei, I thought you’d just do like everyone else and stare for a while, and then try and jump me in my sleep later.”

Kakashi moved to peek around Iruka’s shoulder. The chuunin sensed him coming and turned the opposite way. When Kakashi hopped off the log and moved forward again, Iruka turned around. The Copy Nin expected this however, and jumped back to his original spot. He sat grinning, face to face with the academy sensei, who now had his eyes squeezed shut and his arms folded tightly across his chest.

“So what was that about how you thought I was going to be handsome? Did I disappoint you, sensei?”

“No!” Iruka cried. His eyes snapped open, but his gaze dropped immediately. “I… That’s not what I meant.”

Kakashi leaned forward. “What did you mean?”

Iruka eyes slowly trailed up over Kakashi’s flack vest, paused for a moment at the older man’s collar, and then finally settled on the jounin’s face. He blinked once, twice, taking a quick breath and letting it out slowly.

“I meant,” Iruka said softly, his face still burning. “I thought that you were going to be handsome, more the rugged type like Asuma-sensei, or Shikaku-san. But you’re not.” 

Kakashi was charmed by the young sensei. He knew it was dangerous, but death by cute didn’t seem like such a bad thing.

“So?” Kakashi quirked an eyebrow, “now that you’ve stomped all over my manly pride, what am I, sensei?”

The teacher tilted his head and a soft smile played across his lips.

“You’re cute, Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered. “You’re really cute.”

* * *

"Stop moving!" Iruka laughed. "Now you have dye on your forehead!"

Kakashi whined and squirmed beneath the teacher's gloved hands. "See, Iruka-sensei, when someone says 'don't move' that's like a magic 'go' phrase for all your skin to start itching like crazy." It was true, the hair dye was making his scalp burn, and his grey eye was watering from the potent ammonia fumes. "Why can't I just jutsu my hair black?"

Iruka poured more of the foul-smelling goop into Kakashi's hair and ran his fingers through the sopping strands. His hands were gentle as he worked. Kakashi fought the urge to pout a little if only to see Iruka’s reaction.

"You know appearance jutsus don't hold well during sex, Kakashi-san," Iruka said quietly, his voice taking on the soothing timber of one explaining something to a child. "Wouldn't do well for our cover if your hair suddenly poofed silver during a show, now would it?"

Kakashi smiled despite himself. "I'm pretty sure the crowd isn't going to be fixated on my hair. Besides doesn't one of the outfits have me wearing some leather head thing or something?"

Iruka chuckled under his breath and stepped back. He set the bottle down, pulled off one of the plastic gloves, and handed it to the Copy Nin. "I wasn't talking about the hair on your _head_ , Kakashi-san." He smiled and moved away to wash his hands in the nearby stream. "Have fun."

Kakashi sat watching the academy sensei walk away, the muscles in his ass and thighs rolling and stretching so nicely underneath his uniform pants. The Copy Nin was mesmerized for a moment, but only for as long as the teacher was in sight. When the younger man disappeared down the hill, Kakashi blinked and glanced down at the bottle Iruka had left him and the glove in his hand. Realization swept over him and he groaned.

"Ah _man_ … This sucks."

* * *

“I should have just shaved it all off,” Kakashi grumbled. He sat leaning against a stump, once again peeking underneath the waistband of his pants to eye the dark curls that had been silver just the day before.

Iruka glanced up from the scroll he was reading and looked at the older nin. “Why? Does it itch or something?”

Kakashi shook his head. “Naw, it’s just weird.”

Iruka chuckled and went back to the scroll. “Well, I think the black looks good on you.”

Kakashi looked up and released the top of his pants. “Thanks…” he murmured softly, not a little flattered. He watched Iruka chew his lip as he read whatever he was reading. During the last few days, Kakashi had found himself feeling like Iruka’s opinion mattered more than most. It was strange because even after having known Iruka for a long time, even having been on the same team, they had never been that close. 

The Copy Nin had chalked it up to just being a minor side-effect to the mission. The atmosphere had been quite intimate since they had left. However, that did not make the feeling any less bizarre.

“Hm,” Iruka murmured, putting his thumbnail between his teeth.

“What?” Kakashi asked. 

Iruka shrugged. “The relationship between the two ninja we’re impersonating. It’s just interesting.”

Kakashi nodded. “It’s not very standard. Most of the time doms don’t give their subs so much freedom. But then again, they probably didn’t have a real dominant submissive relationship behind the scenes.”

Iruka was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “It says here that in the accident, Endo threw himself onto Haru trying to shield him from the worst of the explosion.” The teacher’s eyes were sad as he read. “They were found a few hours later. Haru had dragged Endo’s body to a nearby shinobi shelter… He died with Endo in his arms…”

Kakashi was quiet, watching Iruka’s expression. Unlike the elite ninja of Konoha, who trained themselves to be impartial, Iruka felt things very deeply. He connected with people he barely knew on a very personal level. It was dangerous, but Iruka took that part of himself that some would call a weakness, and used it to his advantage. There was no doubt in the Copy Nin’s mind that Iruka was stronger because of his unwillingness to let that particular part of himself go.

“They must have loved each other very much,” Iruka said softly.

Kakashi stretched out his legs, letting his sandaled toes knock against Iruka’s. The teacher looked up at him, his dark eyes clouded with pain and regret.

“I’m sure they did…” Kakashi answered.

Iruka sat for a moment, studying Kakashi. Then he blinked and returned his gaze to the scroll. His shoulders sagged a little as he continued to read.

“We’ll be there tomorrow,” the teacher said softly.

Kakashi picked at a piece of moss he had pulled from the stump. “Yeah…”

The lines around Iruka’s eyes deepened, as if he needed to squint to see the fine print on the scroll. Kakashi could tell he was tense, and it wasn’t really that far of a stretch to guess what about.

“What’s on your mind, sensei?” Kakashi asked gently.

Iruka closed his eyes and rolled his neck and shoulders. He put the scroll away in his pack and leaned back against the heavy canvas. 

“I don’t really know how to prepare for this,” he sighed. “Can you? Is it even possible?”

Kakashi let out a breath and looked up at the night sky. He had been hoping for one more easy night with the sensei, but no doubt Iruka was starting to get nervous. What awaited them was a lot of unpleasantness. Iruka had read the scrolls. He knew.

“I’ll be honest with you, sensei,” Kakashi murmured. “It’s gonna be rough. The lifestyle is tricky and if you’re not into it, or you’ve never experienced it before…” he shook his head. “I’ll go over some basics with you when we get to the hotel. I’ll try and help you prepare, but…”

Iruka shifted, sitting up and moving closer. 

“Are you into it, Kakashi-san?” he asked. “I mean, is this what you like?”

Kakashi looked at him. The teacher’s eyes were wide and curious, not disgusted or afraid like the Copy Nin had expected.

“It used to be,” Kakashi said softly, “when I was younger. I felt like my life was out of control. Sex was the one area where I could do what I wanted. Or, more importantly, I could make other people do what I wanted.”

The Copy Nin ripped another bit of moss from the stump and twisted it between his fingers. “After a while though, I noticed that what I was doing wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t respecting my partners. I was just hurting them, letting my frustrations out on these people I didn’t even know.”

Iruka’s brow furrowed in thought. “I’m confused. Isn’t that what they want? To be hurt?”

Kakashi shook his head. “Domination and submission isn’t about the pain or the punishment, or even the sex. It’s about creating a connection. A dominant creates a scenario where the submissive can let go and give themselves completely over. The dominant responds by what the submissive does or how he reacts. The submissive controls the scene. He has the ability to keep it going, to pause it, or to end it completely. The dominant just makes it happen. It’s the ultimate form of trust, the ultimate… release.”

Iruka was staring at him wide eyed when Kakashi finished. The teacher’s hands were clenched so tightly, his knuckles were white. He swallowed and opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and then opened it again.

“It sounds…” he stopped again, cleared his throat. “It sounds very complicated.”

Kakashi nodded. “It may sound that way, but only from the outside.”

Iruka sat for a long time staring at the small fire, perfectly still. His eyes far away and clouded with thought. Eventually, he moved to his bedroll. He didn’t say a word. He lay on his side, watching the fire with no indication that he was ever going to sleep.

Kakashi watched him until his one free eyelid felt heavy, then moved to his own bedroll and fell asleep. He dreamed of tanned skin wrapped in leather, a sweet and supple mouth gagged, and hands that could be either deadly or gentle bound behind a writhing back.

* * *

They reached the country of Konshu around the time the sun set the next day. Kakashi located the safe house easily, having been in the area once before. Inside the small quarters, were two duffle bags. One was filled with civilian clothes, jewelry, shoes, and all manner of hair products and makeup. The other was filled with things pertaining to the job: leather straps, buckles, crops, dildos, and other assorted toys and paraphernalia. Iruka opened the second bag first and lowered himself to the floor to examine each device individually.

“Wow…” the sensei breathed. “What is this for?”

Kakashi turned to see the younger man holding a complex leather buckle system. The Copy Nin smirked. “That holds your arms behind your back.”

Iruka looked at the piece again. “Seems really intricate for something that could be done with handcuffs.”

Kakashi chuckled and moved close. “Arms, not hands. This piece holds the entire length of your arms so that they’re straight behind your back. It forces your shoulders back, and presses your chest out. It’s very pretty.”

Iruka inspected the piece one more time before he placed it back in the duffle. He rifled through the rest of the bag, making small noises of surprise when something in particular shocked him.

“This isn’t what I think it is, is it?” he asked warily, pointing into the bag.

Kakashi rested his chin in his hand. “It’s a butt plug.”

“Gross…”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile. “If that’s where you start to get squeamish, sensei, you’re gonna blow our cover.”

Iruka looked up, surprised. “Uh, no. That’s not how I meant it. I… I’ve used…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “I’ve used them before. I was just thinking how it’s kind of nasty that it belonged to someone else… and now I gotta… you know.”

Kakashi felt like giggling. “Everything’s been sanitized you know.”

“Yeah,” Iruka murmured, “but still…”

The Copy Nin smacked Iruka on the shoulder and stood. “Well! Time to change. You want to wear the t-shirt that says Eat Me, or the black one with the nipples cut out?”

* * *

As darkness settled over the city, the lights in the lower district flashed red. All manner of people emerged from the shadows, coming up from the underbelly to push whatever vices they had. Drugs, gambling, sex, whatever was taboo in the daytime, flourished here in the night.

As whores, thieves, pickpockets and pimps strolled the streets, looking for potential clients—or victims as the case may be, two men strode down the path together. One was tall and lithe, with wild black hair and an eye patch over his left eye. He was cool and composed, possibly dangerous behind that mischievous smile. He moved through the streets, holding up his partner, a slightly younger man with long brown hair and a beautiful face, save for the scar across the bridge of his nose. The shorter one laughed and clung to the taller. The smell of liquor was strong as he passed. He stumbled and almost fell, but the taller man held him steady. They were both pierced, clothed in leather and chains, and each carried a large, black duffle bag.

When they entered the unmarked building at the end of West Street, no one had to guess what they were there for. It was obvious. They were the performers that were scheduled to do a show for the bigwig’s meeting later that night. There had been whispers, talk of them coming sometime this month, and now, here they were.

When the tall one signed the ledger inside, the man behind the counter smiled a greasy smile and offered to have someone come down and take their bags. They refused. When the brunette chuckled drunkenly and whispered something into the taller one’s ear, the man behind the counter scratched his rolled chin and asked how much for an hour with the scarred one.

The man with the eye patch took the man’s head, and slammed his face into the counter.

The two guests were given a wide birth as they headed upstairs. A few housekeepers ran to assist the desk clerk but they found that the only thing broken, besides the man’s nose, was his pride.

* * *

“Does this really look okay?” Iruka asked in a small voice.

Kakashi had to hold himself back. Did he look okay? Yes. Iruka looked okay. He looked _fucking amazing_. The teacher stood looking at himself in the full length mirror. He was decked out in black leather laced with white, silk cord. Barefoot, with his hair down, and thick, black eyeliner, he looked like a futuristic version of a wild jungle savage. He looked like he should be running through the trees, hunting tigers. Cyborg tigers. 

And as if that wasn’t enough, the rings through Iruka’s nipples pushed at the thin material across his chest, outlining them both in perfect and obscene detail. Kakashi loved piercings, and piercings that could be seen through the clothes were even better.

The pants were a plus as well. Iruka wore a white leather thong underneath what was basically a belt with leggings attached. Pretty much all of the sensei’s ass, upper thighs, and deliciously toned hips were bare.

“It looks pretty good to me,” was all Kakashi was willing to let himself say.

Iruka turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yours isn’t as complicated as mine. It’s not fair.”

Kakashi grinned, it was true. He was wearing a simple ensemble of leather pants and belt, a harness with pyramid studs, and black cuffs that matched the harness and belt.

“I’m not the one who needs to look pretty.”

Iruka scoffed. “I’m not pretty. I look like an ax murderer.”

Kakashi shrugged. “At least you’re a sexy ax murder… You ready for the last part?”

Iruka stiffened, but quickly forced his shoulders to relax. “Uh…not really, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Can you do it?” Kakashi moved closer.

Iruka’s face reddened and he looked away. “Yeah, I think so.”

Kakashi held up the cock ring. “This one’s set to keep you hard until I, and only I, release it. When my chakra signature breaks the seal, it will stimulate your prostate, causing immediate ejaculation.”

Iruka nodded, his eyes still turned away, focused on the wall behind Kakashi.

The Copy Nin moved closer, speaking softly and gently. “I don’t have to tell you that this is going to hurt a little. It’s also going to be really strange and extremely uncomfortable to ejaculate when your body’s probably not—”

“It’ll be fine.” Iruka looked at him then. 

Kakashi blinked slowly. “You sure?”

Iruka nodded. “Yes. I’ve come under duress before. It’s not a new experience.”

His curiosity sparked, but holding his tongue on the questions he wanted to ask, Kakashi came closer and ran his fingers over the front of Iruka’s thong. He slowly turned his hand and palmed an erection already hard and straining against the leather.

Kakashi looked up to find Iruka still watching him. The blush was gone, and something hot, maybe even a little seductive, burned in the younger man’s eyes. He made no sound as Kakashi stroked him. He merely parted his lips and leaned closer, his hands moving to steady himself on the shelf behind him.

Kakashi was mesmerized. Not only was Iruka sweet, but he was _sexy_. This was turning out to be better than he had originally hoped. Now, he only had to worry about Iruka’s reaction and how well he would hold up after everything was said and done.

“You feel like you’re ready now?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka licked his bottom lip, an action that had Kakashi’s own cock throbbing. The younger man’s eyes hooded as his breath came a little faster.

“Yes…” he whispered.

Kakashi pushed the leather of the thong aside and slipped the cock ring over Iruka's skin and clipped it in place. He sent a pulse of chakra through the small piece of metal and he felt the seal lock. Iruka gasped, and he arched slightly. Kakashi took the teacher’s chin gently in his hand and met the younger man’s eyes.

“You okay?” he asked.

Iruka panted against his skin, his limbs trembled slightly, but that fire was not gone from his eyes.

“I’m…” Iruka finally breathed. “I’m okay… It… it feels kind of… kind of good.”

Kakashi’s cock twitched again as he pulled the thong back into place. “Good. You ready to go then… Haru?”

Iruka nodded. “Yes… Endo. Let’s go.”

TBC


	2. Endo and Haru

Men and women alike watched the couple as they descended the stairs together. They filled the room with their presence and energy. Even the docile, scarred one seemed to be analyzing everyone, memorizing, calculating even though he never lifted his eyes from the floor. They were dressed in leather, with complex chains and buckles, studded straps, and white silk cord. They were beautiful, sensual, and unmistakably dangerous. The taller of the two, the one with the wild black hair and that one grey eye that seemed to look right through you, was very protective of the other. He led the scarred one down the stairs by the hand and held him close as they were ushered through the lobby and outside to a waiting car. A young woman actually swooned as the performers passed her outside. The pimp across the street, flanked by two of his whores, trailed off in mid-sentence as he stared. The drug dealer pushing his stuff on another group of women, too thin and too gray to be anything but junkies, held off as that tall, dark-haired man glanced his way. The dealer backed away, and the one-eyed man in leather climbed into the car behind his partner.

As the driver revved the engine, the car moved forward, and the image of the two men dressed in leather became a memory, a vision that later, some would wonder if it had even been real at all.

* * *

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said softly, “I have a question.”

The Copy Nin leaned back against the cushions as they sped down the street. “Shoot.”

Iruka’s eyes searched the inside of the car. His body was tense, his hands clasped together tightly in his lap. “I was just thinking back to what you said before, about Endo giving Haru more freedom than was standard.”

Kakashi nodded.

Iruka looked at him then. “You explained the basics of the show, and what we both have to do, but you didn’t really explain the whole… concept.”

Smiling, Kakashi scratched the top of his head. “It’s a lot to explain on such a short trip.”

Iruka shrugged. “I just want to know how Endo and Haru’s relationship was different than ‘standard’.”

Fair enough. Kakashi scooted closer to his teammate and leaned in so he could speak softly. He was amused and pleased when Iruka sank down in the seat and leaned in as well.

“Well,” Kakashi started, “typically, there are these rules between a Master and a slave, things like the slave isn’t allowed to touch or talk to other people unless the Master specifically says so, or commands it. Endo gave Haru freedom to touch and dance and do pretty much what he wanted—”

“But not speak,” Iruka added.

“Right,” Kakashi nodded. “He wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone else. But still, the fact that he could touch other people and roam around and mingle between scenes is interesting. It’s obviously because they were performers, and then of course because they were ninja trying to gather information, but it’s astounding to me how they didn’t blow their cover by acting like that.”

Iruka glanced out the small window, lost in thought. “You said you think they might not have been that way privately…”

Kakashi shrugged. “There’s no way to tell. Those kinds of things wouldn’t be in the reports.”

Nodding, Iruka ran his fingers slowly through his hair. Kakashi watched the movement, feeling a tingle in his hands and feet. 

“But… what do you think personally?” Iruka asked. “You’re Copy Ninja Kakashi. I don’t believe you didn’t analyzed this five-hundred different ways before we left Konoha.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile. Iruka was right.

“I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Endo loved Haru, and Haru would have done anything for Endo. So what else matters?”

Iruka was silent, but when he turned back to Kakashi, he smiled.

Kakashi’s heart fluttered.

* * *

Kakashi didn’t make Iruka wear a collar or leash, because Endo had not made Haru wear one—unless of course there were house rules about untethered slaves or subs. When they entered the club, the music filled his senses, thrumming in his ears and beneath the soles of his feet. He made a small motion for “Haru” to follow, and moved through the crowded VIP entrance and passed the bouncers. Iruka played his part perfectly, ignoring everyone but Kakashi until “Endo” gave him permission to greet the club’s hosts, give their coats to the check, and fetch drinks from the bar. When the two were ushered through the double doors at the back of the establishment and taken to a VIP seating area, “Haru” immediately crawled into “Endo’s” lap and started touching and petting as Kakashi thanked the host.

When they were alone, or at least alone as two people could be in a large room filled with people and pounding music, Iruka continued his touching and his kisses, but whispered softly into Kakashi’s ear.

“This is so strange...”

Kakashi almost didn’t hear him. The feel of Iruka’s soft lips on his bare neck, Iruka’s rough fingers trailing over his shoulders and chest, and the weight of Iruka settled on his thighs was truly the best thing Kakashi had felt in months—maybe even years.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. “What do you mean?” He needed to get it together. They were on a mission for god’s sake.

Iruka slid his fingers along Kakashi’s jaw. “I was thinking we were going to be lead down a creepy flight of stairs into some dungeon or something. This looks just like a normal club.”

Kakashi hid his smile by taking a drink, and then slid his hand down to Iruka’s firm, and mostly bare ass. He slapped hard across one cheek, eliciting a startled, but not unpleasant, cry from his partner.

“Turn around,” Kakashi growled softly.

He had meant it as a test, something simple to gauge Iruka’s reactions. He expected the look the sensei would give him would be shocked or surprised, maybe even incredulous, but that was nothing like what Kakashi received from his teammate.

Iruka was a ninja, a fucking good ninja. He did exactly as he was supposed to. His face was flushed and he breathed heavily though parted lips. When he rose up on his knees to turn himself around, he slowly, purposefully brushed the hardness of his erection against Kakashi’s chest. If Kakashi didn’t know any better, he would have said that Iruka actually enjoyed being in his lap; that he actually enjoyed that slap on the ass.

When his partner was settled again, back against Kakashi’s chest and legs on either side of Kakashi’s thighs, the Copy Nin put his hands on Iruka’s hips and whispered into the sensei’s ear.

“On a scale of one to ten, one being vanilla, and ten being edge play—” 

“What’s edge play?” Iruka interrupted.

“Um,” Kakashi licked his lips. “It’s like… blood play… torture type stuff…” 

Iruka was quiet for a moment before he murmured softly. “Oh…”

The Copy Nin cleared his throat. “Anyway, this show would probably only be about a four. This isn’t even going to be real Master and slave stuff. This is just a show for people that are interested in the concept, but don’t have the guts to actually do it.”

Iruka was still for a moment but then, to keep up appearances, his hands slid over Kakashi’s. His body started to move, his ass ground down on Kakashi’s length that was full and hard against the inside of his pants. The Copy Nin responded, continuing to talk in a soft voice against Iruka’s ear, but letting his hands roam to Iruka’s stomach and leather-covered chest.

Kakashi’s fingers went to Iruka’s chin. “Look up there, up at the balcony.” Iruka looked as Kakashi turned his head. “Those men we’re here for are going to be up there… watching from above. They’ve all heard of us, but never seen what we can do. This is only a warm up for them. They’ll get a good look at us tonight, and hopefully they’ll come tomorrow to the next show, or at least spread the word.” 

The mission was fairly simple: Three nights from now, there was a gathering of the heads of this country’s largest organized crime lords. There would be a banquet, and they would be discussing the plans for where the “company” was going in the future. Konoha’s information network had not been able to find the details of where this meeting was to take place, but the original Endo and Haru had come extremely close. If Kakashi and Iruka could use that reputation and impress enough people to get into that meeting, years of undercover work would finally come to a head. Everything that Endo and Haru had strived for would finally be of use. Their mission would finally be over. 

Iruka’s hands had slid up into Kakashi’s hair. He pulled, and arched into the Copy Nin’s hold as Kakashi’s hands slid down in between his spread thighs. “So…” Iruka breathed, “we have to make sure we put on a good show…”

“Yeah…” Kakashi nuzzled into Iruka’s neck, opening his mouth and letting himself finally taste that beautiful tanned skin he had been watching so closely the last week. 

Iruka’s head fell back onto Kakashi’ shoulder and he next few minutes were a blur. Kakashi was shocked at Iruka’s responsiveness, his sexuality. He was captivated by the way the sensei moved his hips, by the sounds that came from between his lips. If Kakashi didn’t know any better, he would have thought that Iruka actually _wanted_ Kakashi to fuck him.

“Endo-san…” Iruka murmured softly into his ear.

“Mmm…” Kakashi hummed.

“We have an audience.”

Kakashi almost laughed into Iruka’s neck, he hadn’t even noticed. He was surely losing it.

“I know…”

* * *

The crowd had waited all night for this, and now they stood transfixed. Most had never before seen anything like what was happening on the platform, and those that had, were impressed and humbled. The tension and excitement that filled the air in the club was almost palpable. The fear and arousal was manifest as it coiled around bodies huddled together, watching. With wide eyes and trembling hands the audience breathed as one. Hearts and minds battled with both disgust and fascination as women moistened, and men breathed heavily, intoxicated by both the power and submission.

Endo’s voice was low, barely heard above the music, but the authority of his words was obvious. His hands were strong and his touch precise. Haru’s beautifully sensual body was like clay, molded easily by every gentle command, every sure touch.

Haru had danced at first, gliding through the crowd teasing, beckoning, catching the eye of everyone he came close to. When he climbed the stairs to the platform at the center of the room, all eyes had been on him. He played with the silk ties of his leather top and ran his fingers through his hair. The women had squealed and the men whistled as he had ground his hips and slid his hands over his skin. 

When Haru had beckoned for Endo, the crowd had gone almost silent. The music still played, the drum of the bass was still loud and thumping, but hardly anyone heard it. When Endo stepped up onto the platform, a shiver swept through the room. It was obvious play time was just beginning. Haru had dropped to his knees and kissed Endo’s boots. Endo had only murmured softly and Haru was up again and climbing onto the display, on his hands and knees, face down, thighs spread, waiting for whatever Endo had planned. 

The taller man stripped Haru slowly, roughly. He pinched that tanned skin until it flared red. He slapped it until welts appeared. Haru cried out, but only in ecstasy. When Endo strapped his wrists together and hung him from a hook, Haru thanked him. When Endo uncurled a short, leather flogger, Haru begged him. When the smack of leather on skin rang out over the pounding of the music, Haru started worshiping him. Haru hung naked, his skin covered in hot red lines, his cheeks wet from the tears he was happy to shed, and still he praised his Master. His submission to Endo’s treatment was perfect, beautiful, a thing that Dominants looked for sometimes their entire lives. When Endo leaned into him and whispered something into his ear, Haru cried out, “ _YES! Yes Master! Please!!_ ”

The music turned to something low and thready, intense background for an intense climax to a scene. The crowd sighed and moved closer as Endo released Haru from the hook and pushed the shorter man onto the display, right onto his welt-covered back. He secured Haru’s hands above his head with another hook and spread his legs wide. Necks craned for a better look, women fanned themselves and men held themselves back from groaning as Endo pulled himself from his leather pants. His cock was long and beautiful, pierced once right at the head. The ring flashed in the low lighting just as Endo’s eye flashed as he climbed over Haru’s shaking body. Oil was poured over straining flesh, and then that beautiful cock sank into that waiting, willing body. 

The force of the fucking was so great, the ones closest to the stage could almost feel it. Their pace was slow, but the power in that pair of hips rocked the entire platform. Endo murmured into Haru’s ear over and over, making the brunette cry out a string of obscene things. Finally, Endo raised up, pulling out and pumping himself with those sure, precise hands, his orgasm splattering Haru’s neck and chest. When he reached for the cock ring around Haru’s straining erection, the crowd felt as if they were about to come as well. He released the clasp and spoke in a breathy, almost hoarse voice.

“Let it go, my beautiful Haru…”

Haru screamed. He came in heavy spurts over his own stomach and chest. Moans could be heard throughout the crowd, and several had to reach for their partners or dates to keep them steady. The last thing the audience saw before the lights went out over the stage was Endo leaning over Haru’s shaking form, and running his lips gently over that thin scar across the darker man’s face.

* * *

Kakashi felt a little light headed. He had done many scenes in his time with play much harder then what he had just produced, but nothing had felt quite like that before. Nothing had ever felt that intense. As he got his coat and Iruka’s, the manager of the club shook his hand and thanked him for giving them such a wonderful show. He said their payments would be deposited in the planned account, and he let them know, with much enthusiasm, that they were welcome back any time.

Kakashi bowed respectively before pulling Iruka a little closer. He slipped the sensei’s coat over his shoulders and started to guide him towards the V.I.P. exit. The real Endo and Haru had always left shows in a hurry, never lingering with club goers unless it was beneficial to the mission, and they never did their aftercare where people could see. They had liked the recovery to be private, intimate. 

When he reached the V.I.P. door, Kakashi felt an overwhelming sense of uncertainty come over him. How was Iruka going to react when they were alone again? How should he treat him? Iruka was a colleague and a fellow ninja, not some random sub he had paired up with for a single scene. Kakashi had never been in a situation like this before and he was surprised at finding he had no idea how to handle it.

He didn’t kid himself, however. The root of Kakashi’s anxiety was the fact that he had enjoyed Iruka’s body so much, he wanted nothing more than to slip into the offered recovery room, pull the sensei’s clothes back off, and violate every inch of him all over again. Iruka’s skin, his sweat, his sounds had made Kakashi’s heart pound like no one else had in years. _Years._ Possibly in _his entire life._ How was he going to keep this professional? How was he not going to completely lose it before the end of this mission?

Kakashi hadn’t realized how long they had been standing there until Iruka spoke. “Endo-san?” he said softly. “Shall we go?”

Kakashi, not missing a beat, slid his arm around the shorter man’s waist and replied in a low voice. “Yeah, let’s go.” They exited through the V.I.P. door, and acknowledged a small group of people waiting for them outside. Iruka leaned against him and smiled tiredly, blowing a kiss to a wide-eyed man who looked no older than fifteen or sixteen. The young man blushed and slipped behind his larger companion.

“You two were amazing up there!” a woman exclaimed. “Will we see you at the party at _Celine_ tomorrow?”

Kakashi nodded. “We’ll be there. We have a couple shows lined up the rest of this week. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

A few people murmured goodbyes as Kakashi led Iruka down the street. Endo and Haru had always left shows on foot. Haru had reported that it was part of his recovery ritual and the two had made it a habit. Now Kakashi walked beside Iruka and the younger man leaned against him like a drunk. When they were out of sight of the club however, Iruka straightened and shrugged Kakashi’s arm off. Kakashi didn’t want to admit to himself how much that stung, but he was distracted as Iruka fell out of step with him, and after another few turns down several side streets, he stopped altogether. Kakashi looked back, about to ask if he was all right, but bit back the words as Iruka hunched over, bracing himself with a hand on a wall of brick. 

Kakashi turned away, suddenly anguished as Iruka wretched against the side of the building. He stood quietly with his hands in his pockets, hating himself, hating the mission, and hating that Iruka no doubt hated him now. It was despicable that he had found so much pleasure in something that had so obviously pained his friend. What kind of person does that? Iruka was not a sub, he was not a slave. He was a ninja, a teacher, a good man, and in no way a deviant. 

But shit… _shit_ he was a good actor. Kakashi had so easily slipped into the moment. It had been so easy to pretend that it was real and Iruka loved it. God, his skin, his eyes, his moans—fuck, his moans! His voice! Everything about Iruka had been so fucking perfect and now Kakashi was just enough of a monster to want it again. Damnit, he wanted Iruka again so badly…

The Copy Nin turned when the street had gone silent once again. Iruka stood with his hands on his hips, breathing deeply, rolling his neck from side to side slowly.

Kakashi almost choked on the words as they passed his lips. “Are you okay?”

Iruka nodded, but didn’t look at him. He put the back of his forearm against his mouth and stared at the pavement in front of him. His eyes were bright, rid-rimmed, and slowly tightening at the corners. He was obviously fighting back tears with every last bit of strength he had, and that simple fact made Kakashi feel even more criminal. 

“Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi murmured, his voice as gentle as he could make it. “Sensei, don’t hold it in.”

Iruka made a small, heartbreaking sound and covered his eyes with his arm. He stifled a sob into the sleeve of his jacket and whispered softly, too softly for even Kakashi’s sharp ears.

“What?” Kakashi moved closer. “Sensei, what did you say?”

Iruka took a step back, flinching as Kakashi reached out to touch him. The gesture was devastating for the Copy Nin, but he kept the sadness from his face as Iruka wiped at his eyes and folded his arms tightly across his chest.

“I… said I was sorry…”

Kakashi didn’t know how to respond. “S-sorry? Why, sensei?”

Iruka sniffed and wiped at his eyes again with the heel of his palm. He smudged his eyeliner, but Kakashi thought it only made his dark eyes more appealing. 

“I’m sorry for... for this…” he gestured to himself. “I knew what to expect for the most part and I’m still…” he wiped at his eyes again, “I mean it wasn’t even that bad, it doesn’t really hurt, but I’m still… I’m sorry… I guess I’m not really as strong as I thought I was…” 

Kakashi shook his head. He moved in close, but was careful not to try and touch Iruka this time. “Iruka-sensei,” he spoke very softly, “you were perfect tonight. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else up there with me,” _fuck it all if that wasn’t the truth_. “This reaction that you’re having right now is natural. If you were totally okay after what we just did, like it didn’t affect you at all, then it would mean that you’re some kind of pain slut and that isn’t the kind of person that I want with me on a mission.”

Iruka’s gaze finally lifted from the ground to meet Kakashi’s. The Copy Nin caught his breath as he looked back into those beautiful, dark eyes. They shone with unshed tears as they watched him, studied him. Kakashi was sure in that moment that he had never seen anything more appealing. Ever.

“I just…” Iruka swallowed. “I just don’t want you to lose faith in me.”

Kakashi shook his head again as his heart started to pound. “That’s not going to happen.”

* * *

When they returned to the hotel room, Iruka stripped out of his jacket and had the ties down one side of the leather top undone before Kakashi even shut the door. The Copy Nin saw him wince as he tried to untie the opposite side. Before the sensei could stop him, Kakashi moved in and undid the cord and pulled the top off very gently.

Iruka was back to avoiding his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“You should take a bath,” Kakashi suggested, “soak in the water for a while, then I can put some of that salve Sakura gave you on your back.”

Iruka nodded and headed for the bathroom. 

Kakashi busied himself with changing into more comfortable clothes and ordering food for himself and Iruka. He wasn’t sure what the other man was going to want, but he knew that Iruka needed to eat. Kakashi settled with a mildly spiced chicken, rice, and a vegetable dish for himself, and soup with dumplings that would be easy on the stomach for Iruka. 

While he waited for the food, Kakashi dug through the bag that held Endo and Haru’s clothes. He selected a pair of soft, cotton pants and a red t-shirt with a band logo on the front he didn’t recognize. He carried the clothes to the bathroom and knocked on the door. He was surprised to find it was actually ajar, and he cracked it open a few inches.

“Iruka-sensei,” he called gently, “I have clean clothes for you.”

“Thank you, Kakashi-san,” Iruka’s voice was soft. “Could you put them by the sink please?”

Kakashi opened to door and slipped inside. The sink was on the opposite side of the room from the way the door swung in, and the large, circular tub was against the far wall. He set the clothes on the counter and glanced in the direction of the other man. Iruka’s back was to him. All Kakashi could see was the top of his head, and the sensei’s long, brown hair as it spilled out over the edge of the tub. Kakashi stood for a moment, wondering if he should speak, or just leave the other be for a while. Every sub in Kakashi’s experience had wanted touching and cuddling after a scene, but since this was Iruka—not a true sub—would he want that? Iruka hadn’t participated as a means of release or an excuse to let go and let someone else take over for him, so would the right thing to do be to leave him to recover on his own? 

Kakashi’s body seemed to come to a decision before his brain did, and the Copy Nin found himself moving across the cold tile of the bathroom floor before he could stop himself. He knelt beside the tub, and raised his hands to gently run his fingers through Iruka’s damp hair.

The sensei sighed softly and tilted his head back enough so Kakashi could see his face. His breath was even, his lips were parted slightly. He seemed calmer than before, but his body trembled. Kakashi followed a small trickle of tears from the corner of Iruka’s eyes to his temple, and back into his hair.

“Do you hurt?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka closed his eyes and let out a small chuckle. If it held any true humor or not, Kakashi couldn’t tell.

“No, Kakashi-san, I’m okay…” his voice was soft, “Thank you.”

Kakashi watched as fresh tears gathered at Iruka’s lashes and spilled slowly down the sensei’s tanned cheeks. He caught one with his middle finger and wiped it away gently. 

“Do you need anything else?”

Iruka shook his head. “No.”

Kakashi faltered. His heart thumped painfully against his ribcage. “Do you want me to leave?”

Iruka’s lips trembled. He took a breath and let it out slowly, shakily. When he spoke his voice was less than a whisper. 

“No.”

Kakashi settled back. He continued to run his fingers through Iruka’s hair, and after a few minutes the sensei’s tears stopped. When the food arrived and Kakashi helped Iruka out of the tub, the sensei stopped shaking. As the two nin sat down to eat together, he seemed less beaten and more like his old self.

When they said goodnight, and Kakashi reclined on the couch to watch the moon as it hung full in the night sky, the Copy Nin in rested a hand on his chest.

His heart still pounded, but it was no longer painful.


	3. Strength In Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To understand "Aristocrat Lolita", one need only search ["Kuroshitsuji"](https://www.google.com/search?q=kuroshitsuji&safe=off&biw=1908&bih=945&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjpobvgib7JAhUP02MKHbjhDE8Q_AUIBigB&dpr=1).

The next morning, Kakashi awoke just as the sun cleared the city’s rooftops. He busied himself with a quick routine of pushups, sit-ups, a short meditation session, and then washed and ordered breakfast. As he sat eating his rice and watching the sleepy city below, his sensitive ears listened for anything coming from behind the bedroom door. Iruka had gone to bed the night before with a nod and a quiet “goodnight”. He had seemed all right, not great, but better than when they had left the club. It was likely he was still sleeping, but if Iruka was in fact awake, there was probably a lot going through the sensei’s head and Kakashi was not going to be seeing him for at least a little while. 

Kakashi spent some time tidying up and going through the equipment in the duffle bag. He made a mental note of what was available and sorted it all as best he could, but when visions of Iruka wearing or using the things he was examining started flashing through his head, Kakashi decided he probably needed to stop and do another two-hundred or so pushups. 

What was he thinking anyway? Where was his head? How could he let himself be so undisciplined? This was the most sensitive of missions and here Kakashi was thinking about Iruka in cuffs and straps and chains and twisting and writhing and his beautiful, beautiful ass swallowing a string of anal beads and _god damnit those thoughts needed to stop immediately!_ Kakashi knew he had enjoyed their show the night before, but Iruka… this all was obviously not Iruka’s thing. This mission was going to wear him down significantly so Kakashi knew that the least he could do was be professional. 

The question however, was what method of professionalism was needed? What would Iruka best respond to? Should Kakashi keep everything sort of detached? Sometimes with these kinds of missions, the shinobi needed to just put it all aside on their downtime. It was how they kept from getting too emotionally invested in a life that wasn’t real. Tenzo was like that. Between Ops while camping out or blending in undercover Tenzo was just normal Tenzo. It was like he forgot about the mission, like he had partitioned it off and while he was on the down it didn’t exist at all. 

Kakashi had never been able to do that. He invested himself into every mission he took part in, brought it with him when he came back home. He did so many things that shinobi were taught never to do over and over, knowing the consequences would be harmful; possibly devastating. Kakashi was as ruthless as ruthless came, he did his duty, he did as he was ordered, but he couldn’t let things go. He thought about the individuals he met or tricked or killed on missions all the time. He made deep and powerful connections with people that refused to be broken even after death. He knew it was stupid and he knew it was definitely going to get him killed some day, but he couldn’t stop it. Did it make him a bad shinobi? Possibly. 

Kakashi sighed and stood. He already knew Iruka was like that too. He had known Iruka was like him since the sensei had requested to be removed from Kakashi’s team and hired as a teacher. Kakashi knew Iruka felt things and lingered on things the same as him, the only difference was Iruka didn’t hide it as well as he did. Where Kakashi played everything off under a false pretense of indifference or boredom, Iruka was obvious in his caring of others. Unfortunately, the sensei wore a significant amount of his feelings on his sleeve. 

As Kakashi cleaned up his breakfast things, he thought about what he should do. He knew that the best way to deal with Iruka on this mission was to be supportive. Iruka probably would not accept an upfront attempt at comfort, but he would probably respond if Kakashi offered to talk with him. 

Who knows, maybe talking with Iruka might even calm his own anxieties? 

The sheets in the bedroom shifted and Kakashi held his breath. Feet came down onto the floor and Kakashi’s mouth went dry as he listened to his teammate rise and move about the room. He heard the toilet flush from the bathroom and then the water in the sink as Iruka washed. When the footsteps moved from the bathroom and headed for the door, Kakashi realized his heart was beating unnaturally fast. He took a few deep breaths and returned to his perch at the window. When the bedroom door opened cautiously, Kakashi forced himself to appear calm and mildly disinterested.

Dark circles hung below Iruka’s eyes as he peered out, but besides that he seemed all right. He glanced at Kakashi and slipped out of the bedroom quickly, almost as if he needed to do it now or he never would.

“Good morning, Kakashi-san,” he said quietly.

Kakashi nodded. “Good morning Iruka-sensei.”

Back to super formalities again. Iruka was nervous, completely understandable. Kakashi relaxed his posture as much as he could without falling to the floor and gestured gently towards the cart.

“There’s breakfast. You should probably eat.”

Iruka glanced at the cart and then back to Kakashi. He nodded once and slowly moved to take the food and a pair of chopsticks. The sensei was hesitant then, looking toward the bedroom door as if he wanted to escape back into privacy, but Kakashi was relieved when Iruka instead went to the table and sat down on one of the cushions. 

“ _Itadakimasu_.”

Kakashi slipped off the sill as Iruka began to eat and asked before he lost his nerve.

“May I sit with you?”

Iruka paused for a moment, as if surprised by Kakashi’s request, but he nodded again slowly.

Kakashi moved to sit across from Iruka, but then thought better of it. That made it seem like some sort of interrogation. Instead, he moved to the cushion adjacent. Iruka continued eating and did not look at him but his posture had shifted slightly. He was wary. It was an almost imperceptible change, but Kakashi noticed many things about Iruka that most probably did not. 

“Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi said gently, “I want to apologize to you.”

Immediately, Iruka’s eyes were on him. The sensei actually looked frightened for a moment before he swallowed and shook his head.

“No, Kakashi-sensei, you don’t have to apologize! You didn’t hurt me! I really should be the one apologizing because—”

Kakashi held up his hands. A smile pulled at his lips even as his heart gave the smallest of pangs in his chest. “No. No, sensei. That’s not…” he stopped and scratched at his chin. This was harder than he had thought it was going to be.

“You… were amazing yesterday.”

Iruka’s mouth fell open slightly and his face flushed the darkest red that Kakashi had ever seen. He must have felt it because his hands came up to scratch at his scar, covering most of the blush in a seemingly innocent manner.

“Don’t… you don’t have to say…” he whispered. “I don’t need you to comfort me.”

“I’m not comforting you,” Kakashi replied, a half-truth at best. “I need you to know that you were great yesterday, as well as apologize to you.”

Iruka’s look was incredulous. “What for?”

Kakashi scratched at his chin again. He figured it was because he didn’t have his mask on. He felt extremely naked without it on, especially when he was talking to Iruka, and the very air seemed to make him itch.

“I talked to you before about this lifestyle and I walked you through some of the details of what we were going to do, but I didn’t prepare you like I should have.”

Iruka shook his head. “No, Kakashi you were f—”

Kakashi held up his hands again, silencing Iruka. “No. I should have prepared you better. I was arrogant. I liked having an advantage over you. I should have walked you through everything, explained everything. There’s no excuse for you going in there and not knowing exactly what was going to happen and why.”

Iruka looked at him. He searched Kakashi’s face. His eyes were tired, but Kakashi could see that they were beginning to regain some of that shine, that fierceness that the Copy Nin was used to.

Finally, Iruka spoke. “Thank you…” he said simply.

Kakashi nodded. “I want you to ask me anything, and I will answer you as truthfully as I possibly can. We can walk through scenes or talk about equipment or—”

“—Talk about you?” Iruka asked suddenly.

Kakashi was startled by the question, but he answered, “Yes.”

Iruka continued to study him, his gaze was cautious but also curious and open. “Could you get me a glass of water, please?”

“Of course,” Kakashi stood and retrieved a glass from the tray by the sink. He filled it with water and brought it back to Iruka. 

When Iruka took the glass, he used the opportunity to take Kakashi’s hand. He pulled gently, bringing the startled Copy Nin to sit beside him. When Kakashi sat, the sensei didn’t look at him. He merely spoke in a quiet voice, barely loud enough to be called a whisper.

“Kakashi, I want you to understand something.”

Kakashi’s heart started up its thumping against his rib cage once again. “Yes, sensei?”

“I did understand what was going to happen last night. I can’t say the same about the harder parts of this lifestyle, and I admit that I’m very, very frightened for what’s going to happen in the next few days, but regarding the scene last night… it was only shocking because you were so good at it.”

Kakashi’s pounding heart actually stopped for a moment. The blood from his limbs drained and rushed to his groin so quickly it was almost painful. He pulled in a choked breath and let it out slowly. Hearing those words from Iruka’s mouth was almost too much for Kakashi to handle.

Iruka continued either not noticing Kakashi’s reaction to him, or pretending not to. “I’ve never been involved in something that intense before and it overwhelmed me. So, I need you to know, Kakashi-san that my reaction was not because of any lack of preparation on your part. I knew what to expect when we got up on that stage, and if I hadn’t… I would have told you.”

Kakashi swallowed thickly. Again, he was being a monster. Iruka was being sincere and forward about his trust and his feelings, and all Kakashi wanted to do was push the sensei to the floor and fuck him until he blacked out. Maybe even let the younger man fuck him, it didn’t matter. All Kakashi wanted at that moment was Iruka and his want disgusted him.

Steeling himself against his urges, Kakashi nodded once again but didn’t speak. He knew if he tried his voice would be trembling. He gently pulled his hand from Iruka’s and rested against the table. He was quiet as Iruka finished the rest of his breakfast and put the dishes on the cart. When they were sitting together once more, Iruka placed his hands in his lap and lifted his gaze to meet Kakashi’s. The two shinobi were silent for a minute, but Kakashi spoke before the space between them could get too uncomfortable.

“You said that you wanted to ask about me?”

Iruka nodded. “I’m just not sure how to ask it.”

“Not sure, as in you think I’ll be offended?” Kakashi asked.

“No, it’s just a difficult question.”

Kakashi leaned his arms on the table and put his chin in his palm. “Are you embarrassed to ask?”

Iruka nodded again, “A little.”

Kakashi leaned closer. “It’s okay, you know.”

“I know.”

“Just ask me,” Kakashi whispered. 

Iruka looked at the floor and then at his hands. Kakashi could sense he was so nervous that he couldn’t even swallow. Kakashi pushed the glass of water closer to Iruka and the younger man accepted it thankfully. He drank and then ran his hand over his lips.

“Can I start with something else?” Iruka asked.

“Of course.”

Iruka’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Before the show, when you were explaining about the club and the types of things that happen there, you talked about a scale of one to ten.”

Kakashi nodded, remembering the conversation.

“You said that what we were going to do was like a four,” Iruka continued. “It made me wonder… on a scale of one to ten… where your—I mean… what do—did you prefer? When this was part of your life, what kind of Dominant were you?”

Kakashi took a breath. It was a fair question. If Iruka was going to be intimate with him in this kind of setting Iruka deserved to know about the person he was putting his trust into.

“In the beginning,” Kakashi spoke in a soft voice, “it all depended on what was happening in my life. When I was a teenager, all I knew was missions and training and doing exactly what I was told every minute of every day. It started to get to me that I had no control over anything, so when I was introduced to this lifestyle, the idea that I could finally have some control was extremely appealing.”

“How were you introduced?” Iruka asked.

“When I was sixteen, I went on a mission to a city in Earth Country. We were there undercover for several months, a lot of down time. One night one of the older jounin took me to a fetish club. We drank a lot, watched the show, and then we got a room. Stupid really, he just wanted to be beaten and I just wanted to hurt somebody.” Kakashi closed his eyes. He had been so young and so naive back then. To remember the things that he let himself do that night made his stomach roll. 

“But anyway, back to your question. It depended on what was going on in my life. Normally I wasn’t into all the hard core stuff, but if missions were getting to me or I felt like I was spiraling out of control again, I would be cruel in my scenes. I would go to clubs and ask for subs that liked pain or I would get ahold of people I knew that liked it really rough.”

Iruka’s eyes were wide as he listened. “So… what you were talking about before, edge play?”

Kakashi nodded, “Sometimes.”

The sensei looked away then, but instead of appearing disgusted or frightened like Kakashi had been expecting, Iruka just looked thoughtful, concerned even.

“Okay, I think I can understand being a Dominant. The control you don’t have in your life… it makes sense. Is it just the opposite for a submissive? Are they all people that have too much control in their lives?”

Kakashi shrugged. “That’s usually how it is. It’s not always the case but that’s definitely typical. A person that has complete control in their lives, or complete control over a lot of people, like the head of a major company or a leader in a military division or a powerful political figure, might feel the need to let it all go once in a while. Power can be incredibly stressful and sometimes the best kind of relief is to give over that control to someone else.”

“Someone that you trust,” Iruka said softly.

Kakashi nodded. “Yes, someone you would trust with your life.”

Iruka frowned. “But give up control and be hurt? I still don’t really understand.”

Kakashi folded his arms and leaned in closer to Iruka. “Some people like the pain, yes, but that’s not the ultimate goal.”

“What is the goal?”

“The goal is to get to a place where control is not only forgotten, it doesn’t even exist anymore. You want to get to a place where the sub gives up, not only their bodies, but their thoughts, their worries, everything. You want to get them to a place where everything they are is handed over to the Dominant and they are left with nothing. No cares, no stresses, just… nothing.”

Iruka was silent for a moment and when he finally did speak his voice trembled. “But wouldn’t that be terrifying?” 

Kakashi shook his head. “Not if they trust their Dominant. It’s the Dominant’s job to take care of their sub. Get them to this state of mind and then keep them there as long as they can.”

“State of…” Iruka swallowed. “Is there a name for it?”

Kakashi nodded. “It’s called subspace. If you want to be technical, it’s an intense release of epinephrine and endorphins that have the same kind of effect as morphine. But even though it can be chemically quantified, like an orgasm, it’s more than just a physical act or response. Some people think of it as something closer to a religious or out of body experience.”

Iruka was hunched on the cushion. His body leaned in toward Kakashi as he listened, his eyes wide and his hands clasped together tightly. 

“And you’ve… experienced this… out of body experience?”

Kakashi smiled. “No. I get no pleasure or satisfaction from being a submissive. I tried it, like every good Dom should, but it wasn’t for me. My fulfillment is getting my sub to reach subspace. That’s the ultimate high for me.”

“So… vicariously?” Iruka asked.

Kakashi chuckled and scratched at his chin. “Sure, you could say that.”

Iruka let out a breath and put his chin in his palms. He slumped over the table and stared at his water glass as if it held the answers to his questions.

“So… last night…”

Kakashi sat frozen, not wishing to break Iruka out of his ponderings. If they were getting to the question that Iruka was too nervous to ask earlier, he didn’t want anything distracting the sensei. 

Iruka lifted a hand to rub at the back of his neck. Another blush had crept over his cheeks, but this one was much less obvious. It was just a dusting over his nose and around his scar.

“So those things that you said to me last night,” Iruka murmured, “Those… encouragements were you, um…”

“Me coaxing my sub into finding subspace.” Kakashi finished for him.

Iruka sat for a moment, his breathing quiet and inaudible. “Even though it wasn’t hard play?”

Kakashi nodded. “It’s natural for me. It’s just how a do a scene. But since you’re not a sub and you aren’t in it for the same reasons, I probably shouldn’t do it as much with you.”

When Iruka didn’t say anything, Kakashi murmured, “I’m sorry if it bothered you.”

Iruka looked at him then and shook his head. “Oh, it’s not that it bothered me, Kakashi-san. That’s… not it.”

Kakashi felt his insides start pulling in on each other all at once. Iruka’s gaze was so penetrating it was uncanny.

“You don’t mind it?”

Iruka shook his head again. “No. Your voice was… what was making it so intense…”

Kakashi couldn’t say anything. If he had been standing, his knees would have probably buckled. That was easily the sexiest thing that anyone had ever said to him. And it was all the more erotic because Iruka meant it with all honesty. 

Iruka definitely noticed Kakashi’s reaction this time because he looked away and shifted his hands so he could run his middle finger nervously over his scar. The touch was light, shy, and Kakashi watched it with a profound interest. He liked Iruka’s hands, they said volumes about the sensei and what he was like. His fingers were long and slender, calloused. His nails were trimmed nicely but there were stains around the cuticles. No doubt it was ink from grading papers. They were strong, perhaps stronger than most elites in many ways, but they were also gentle. 

“You’re staring at me,” Iruka murmured.

“Your hands,” Kakashi clarified.

“Why?”

Kakashi took a breath and leaned back. He stretched his arms over his head and rolled his shoulders. “You should paint your nails.”

“Eh?” Iruka lowered his arms and looked at his hands. “Why?”

“Because the club we’re going to perform in tonight has a pretty strict dress code.” 

Iruka’s eyes lifted from his hands and regarded Kakashi seriously. Kakashi felt the sensei’s intensity but he said nothing. He had told Iruka he would answer any questions, so he trusted the younger man and waited for him to ask.

Finally, Iruka did. “What kind of club is it?”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile a little. “Goth bar.”

* * *

The bass pounded, the lights threaded dark black and crimson red. _Celine_ pulsed like a living organ, a heart pumping blood in its doors and through its halls. The club was well fed by the energy off hundreds of sexually charged people dressed in their finest gothic and macabre guises. There was not a space of inches vacant of black leather or velour. High collars and ruffled sleeves were plenty, and corsets were pulled so tightly that pale white flesh spilled from over black lace at every turn.

 _Celine_ was usually crowded, it was one of the most popular fetish clubs in the country after all, but tonight the place was so full people were actually being pressed against the walls. Tonight was special. A famous Master and slave duo had come from far away and they were taking the city’s scene by storm. They had performed the night before at a club in the upper district and word had spread like wildfire. They were spectacular. They were extraordinarily attractive and their bond was like nothing anyone had ever been so privileged to have seen before. 

It was well past eleven when the first whispers started. They had arrived! The couple had come in through the front doors and been ushered into one of the V.I.P. rooms. What had they been wearing? Silk and mesh? Top hats? How fashionable! Word spread and quickly talk of the couple was the only thing on anyone’s tongue. 

When the clock struck midnight, the lights dimmed to almost complete darkness. Subs clung to their Doms or Masters, Mistresses licked their lips in anticipation, and more than one slave started to cry as the intensity in the air became so think it started to press down on the crowd.

All eyes turned toward the platform as the music quieted. There was a figure there standing patient and slack. When a single stage light illuminated his slender form, there were several soft gasps and groans. The figure was tall and pale; his hair was black as a raven’s wing. A piece of a porcelain mask covered one eye and part of his cheek, he had a cane tucked underneath one arm, and his dress was that of an Aristocrat Lolita.

This had to be Endo, the Master. He was beautiful and confident, a commanding, powerful presence. As he stood on the platform stage, he seemed to draw the entire room to him with just a look from his one grey eye. 

Slowly, Endo raised his arms and pulled his silk gloves from his hands. He slipped them into his pocket and took the cane from underneath his arm. When he spoke his voice carried. Its timber seemed to hum deep down inside the bodies of all who listened. “Ladies and gentleman… fellow deviants…” Mistresses and Masters chuckled as he flourished his hand. “I am humbled at this invitation to come before you tonight. And to thank you, I have a gift.”

He turned then and the curtains behind him parted. There were more gasps and groans as Endo’s partner was revealed. The beautiful slave stood quiet and serene in a simple black robe and a silken blindfold. Endo moved toward him and held out his hand. 

“Come to me, precious Haru.”

Haru took his hand and the two of them glided down the platform towards the audience. When they stopped, Endo moved around behind his slave and reached over his shoulders to pull apart the robe. The heavy cloth fell to the floor in a pool around Haru’s feet and the audience gasped as one.

Haru’s body was exquisite. He was toned and graceful, his skin was rich a golden. However, that was not what had pleased their audience. The most beautiful parts of Haru’s form were accentuated with black leather straps, individually buckled with gold-colored rings. There were two thick straps around each of his upper thighs, above each of his knees, and two more around each of his biceps. Besides these straps he was naked and small, golden hoops hung from his nipples. His manhood stood long and gorgeous, trapped in a gold cock ring. 

Oh my God, isn’t he beautiful? 

Can you believe it? 

It’s like they’re not real! 

Oh Master, Master please I can’t take it! Let me suck you off while you watch?

The music stayed quiet but the thrumming bass started to pulse through the floor and the walls. Endo guided Haru back to the center of the platform. Waiting for them was a hanging spreader bar. Haru complied easily as Endo cuffed his wrists, spreading his arms so wide the bar had to go behind his head. Endo then had Haru kneel and attached another bar to the rings in the straps above his knees. The position was no doubt uncomfortable, as there was no way Haru could straighten or relax. He was caught half bent with his back arched and his chest pushed out to the crowd.

Masters and Mistresses, Doms and Dominatrix looked on with a little bit of envy as Haru’s breath started to come harder. His cock twitched as Endo spoke softly into his ear. When Endo took weights and clipped them to Haru’s nipples, the beautiful slave cried out. Endo asked him if he liked it, and Haru said yes. He thanked Endo for clamping his nipples, thanked him for the pain. The slave was loving his submission; he was thriving on it. The way his body turned, followed his Master even though he couldn’t see him through the blindfold was incredible. This was the kind of slave that Masters dreamt about their whole lives. He was perfect. 

Endo gave Haru a few good slaps on his ass, just as a warm up. Haru cried out, thanking his Master, pleading for a little more, something a little harder. Endo smiled and spoke softly, telling Haru that he was a good boy. 

At this point, most of the slaves or subs in the room were on the floor. They could sense their Masters’ growing anticipation and it was feeding into them. They tried to watch the display on the platform, but so many of them could feel themselves reacting to the things Master Endo was doing. His voice was so powerful, even if it was quiet. Some of the older subs were already licking their Dom’s boots. A few experienced slaves were palming their Master’s erections, stroking their Mistresses inner thighs.

Endo’s hands slid over Haru’s heaving chest. He leaned in and spoke softly into Haru’s ear, and Haru started to struggle. Endo stood then and spoke louder so everyone could hear.

“It will please me, slave, for you to do this. Do you not want to please me?”

Haru started to sob, his teeth clenched as his breaths came fast and broken. “Yes, yes, Master, I want to! I want to please you! Please! Please I want to!”

Endo nodded and knelt beside his slave once again. His hand stroked Haru’s face, his thumb slid over Haru’s bottom lip.

“Then will you take it for me? Will you take the plug in your ass and hold it there for me?”

Haru’s keening, his desperate want to please his Master snapped the control of a few Doms in the crowd. The audience was now actively participating as the intensity of the scene increased. People were moving about, couples were grinding together to the beat of the music, watching, acting, groaning and sighing at every word Endo spoke and every cry that slipped from Haru’s mouth.

“Master…” Haru groaned, “Yes, Master… please… please do it…”

Endo ran his lips over Haru’s jaw. “What would you have me do, my love? Say it.”

Haru let out a breath, a broken sob. “Please… put the plug in me. I’ll hold it in as long as you want me to.”

A cheer rang out. The crowd started to applaud at Haru’s submission, his complete and total need to please his Master. Endo stood straight, the visible side of his face was proud, loving. He moved to the table a few feet away and took the large plug from a box. It was long and black, cone-shaped, with a slightly flared head. The crowd went still, almost silent as Endo turned Haru around and poured oil into his own hand. Subs and slaves started to writhe and shake as Endo slicked Haru’s anus slowly with his fingers. The sounds Haru made started a wave of moans and cries throughout the crowd. When Endo finally pushed the plug into Haru’s body, there were more than a few cries of release as several female slaves reached orgasm in the arms of their Masters or Mistresses. 

Endo stood. “Very good, boy. Very, very good.” He turned to the table once again and took his cane in his hands. It was small, like a crop, with a small rubber ball at the tip. “Now, slave… will you hold the plug in while I beat you? Can you keep control of it until I’m finished?”

Haru breathed heavily and murmured something as he shook.

“What was that? I don’t think the audience heard you.”

“ _I said yes, Master!_ ” Haru cried. “ _Yes I will hold the plug inside my ass until you’ve beaten me as many times as it pleases you!_ ”

“Excellent,” Endo said, and posed to strike.

The cane came down once, twice, and then a third. He struck in sets of three, paused for a rest of a few seconds, and then struck another three. At nine, the room was almost completely silent save for the quiet hum of the music. The strike of the cane rang out, so powerful and so clear that subs and slaves started to feel its sting on their own flesh. Haru was quiet for the next set of three, but when Endo reached twelve, his slave started to cry out with every snap of the rubber and vinyl. 

“Fifteen, slave? Can you make it to fifteen?”

Haru gasped, closed his mouth tight and nodded once. “Yes, Master.”

Three more strikes. Haru shrieked as the third snapped across his back.

“Eighteen. Eighteen, my love. Can you give me eighteen?”

Haru writhed, struggled against the bars. His hands twisted and his jaw clenched down on painful sobs.

But once again, he nodded. 

“Yes… yes, Master. Please give me eighteen.”

Three more strikes and Endo placed the cane back on the table. Haru was shuddering uncontrollably as Endo turned him back to the audience. The slave’s chest was heaving with his desperate breaths, his arms and legs were shaking as fatigue started to wear on him.

“Haru,” Endo said softly, “My beautiful Haru…”

Another cheer and another round of applause rang through the room, and Endo knelt to speak softly into Haru’s ear once again. When Haru nodded, Endo raised his hands and ran his fingers gently down his slave’s throat. He kissed Haru’s tender flesh and bit once, hard enough to leave a mark but not draw blood. 

Then Endo stood and unbuttoned the top of his pants. Haru let out another soft cry as Endo’s belt gently brushed his cheek. When Endo pulled himself free, he guided Haru to him and the slave’s mouth came around his cock gratefully, lovingly. There was worship in the way his lips slid over his Master’s length. His want to please was expressed so much better by his movements than it was in just his words. As Endo encouraged in that low, powerful voice, the audience started to writhe together. The music picked up, but still did not increased in volume. The people groaned and panted, they felt Endo’s release building as if it was their own. Haru’s head bobbed, his throat opened, he sucked and he swallowed and he met every one of Endo’s harsh thrusts. The air was thick, charged. Electricity and heat and power filled the space where bodies did not. The music quieted even more so the audience could clearly hear every sound, every quiet word. 

Finally, Endo grunted and slid his hands into Haru’s hair. He let his head fall back for a moment, for one slow moan of ecstasy, and then he returned his gaze to his slave. He pulled out of Haru’s mouth and stroked himself, breathing deep, praising his slave in a low and sensual tone.

“Ah… Haru… My Haru… My beautiful Haru…”

Haru gasped for breath. He tilted his head up as far as he could and moaned softly as Endo’s release splashed across his face. He made a noise when Endo took a step back and tucked himself back into his pants but he said nothing. His fatigue had finally overtaken him.

Endo however, still had one last thing planned. The Master leaned in and ran a finger through his own cum and slipped it into Haru’s mouth. Haru sucked on it gently, humming softly.

“Haru, my love,” Endo said, “are you in pain?”

Haru nodded. “Yes, Master I am. Thank you.”

“Would you like me to let you go now?”

Haru started to shake. “No! No Master, please!”

“Why do you say no, slave?”

“Because, Master it doesn’t matter what I want! I only do what you want me to!”

“And why is that, slave?”

“Because I live for you, Master! I live to do what you tell me!”

Endo’s hands went to Haru’s cheeks. “But why, slave? Tell me why you live for me.”

Haru shuddered as if the pain had suddenly become too much. “Because, Master, I love you.”

Endo immediately stood and un-cuffed Haru’s hands. The slave fell into his Master’s arms and Endo lowered him to the floor. As Endo carefully unhooked the leg bar and removed the nipple clamps, he spoke in gentle tones. 

“You have pleased me, my love.”

Haru lay on his back, his words coming out as gibberish as he cried. Endo removed the blindfold and lowered his face to kiss Haru’s forehead. 

“You have pleased me so much, beautiful Haru, that I am going to let you cum now.”

Haru managed a broken “thank you, Master” before Endo removed the cock ring. Haru’s back arched and his release splattered across his chest and stomach as Endo kissed him.

As the lights went out over the platform stage, the audience broke out into thunderous applause.

Those that could manage it anyway.

* * *

Kakashi pressed the cool cloth onto Iruka’s back. The sensei made a noise in the back of his throat, but otherwise he remained quiet and still. Iruka’s back was decorated in an assortment of colored welts. It was nothing too fantastic, but for someone who wasn’t used to it, it was probably extremely shocking as well as uncomfortable. Kakashi admired his work as he dipped the cloth and wrung it out. His hand was sure, so the marks were almost perfectly uniform, but as much as the Copy Nin wanted to gloat, he knew it was not the time to be taking any pleasure whatsoever in his accomplishment. Iruka would not understand.

On the edge of the bed in the near darkness, Iruka sat naked, his head resting in his hands. His body no longer trembled but his tense posture gave away that he was still in pain. Kakashi had offered to help him undress when they had entered the V.I.P. room, but Iruka had gently pushed his hands away. He allowed Kakashi this, because his back stung and he couldn’t reach, but that was all. It was understandable, Iruka didn’t want to be touched more than necessary at the moment. He no doubt wanted to get back to the hotel so he would be free to tend to his own wounds without arising suspicion. 

Kakashi understood that, he did, but that didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to comfort Iruka himself. He wanted to lay Iruka on the bed and rub salve gently over his marks. He wanted to kiss Iruka’s neck and massage the muscles in his arms and legs that were probably aching right now. If Iruka would let him, Kakashi would take him slowly and sweetly, the way Iruka deserved. Kakashi knew he couldn’t heal his pain, but Kakashi wanted to try and heal Iruka’s hurt. He wanted Iruka to accept his help and appreciate the fact that Kakashi cared and worried about him.

But it was not going to happen. Iruka was not a sub; he was not a masochist. He did not need Kakashi or anyone to pull him out of a headspace he had not been striving to reach. He was not in need of the kind of care Kakashi wanted to give him.

Clenching his jaw, Kakashi dipped another small cloth in the ice water and pressed it gently on another welt. He knew he couldn’t physically comfort the sensei, but there were other things Kakashi knew he could give Iruka. 

“Thank you, Iruka-sensei,” he said softly.

Iruka lifted his head and turned but didn’t quite look at him. “For what?”

Kakashi took a breath. “For everything you’re doing… for being so strong. There are a lot of elite jounin back in Konoha that would have fallen apart already.”

Iruka chuckled without any humor and put his head back in his hands. “I’m not strong.”

“Don’t say that,” Kakashi whispered. “You were incredible out there tonight.”

Iruka shook his head. “All I did was follow your direction and cry a bunch… that part wasn’t even really faked.” 

Laying the largest of the cloths over Iruka’s shoulders, Kakashi moved to sit beside the sensei. He folded his hands in his lap and studied the floor.

“You could have broken cover. You could have used the safe words I taught you. You could have fought me and brought down the whole show, but you didn’t. You were perfect. You made everyone in that room—everyone in that entire dungeon down there believe that you were in complete ecstasy.” Kakashi paused and shook his head. “You’re unbelievable, sensei. Doing what you did out there tonight proves that you’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Iruka shook his head again and when Kakashi glanced in his direction, he noticed Iruka’s lips were trembling. The Copy Nin stood slowly, his heart aching, and carefully helped the sensei to lie down on his stomach. He covered Iruka’s lower half with the sheet and silently moved out of the room.

Feeling a little unbalanced, Kakashi went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. He stood silent, brooding, unsure of what he should do. It was not often that he was faced with such indecision and the sensation was strange and unnerving. 

There was a knock. Instantly alert, Kakashi set down the glass and moved to answer the door. It was quite out of the ordinary for someone to be disturbing a couple during their aftercare so the Copy Nin’s defenses tripled. He carefully unlocked the latch and turned the knob. Standing outside was an older man in a suit and tie. He bowed deeply and held an envelope out to Kakashi.

“My employer sends you this with his regards.”

Stunned, but still wary, Kakashi reached out to take the envelope. As soon as it was in his hand, the man turned and disappeared. For a moment Kakashi considered following him, but then decided against it. He really didn’t want to leave Iruka.

Closing the door Kakashi opened the envelope. Inside was a simple piece of paper with a note handwritten in a neat scrawl.

 

_Your performance tonight was impeccable. I request a private act tomorrow before your show. You will be well compensated. I will reserve the viewing suite at Zero Gravity.  
\- Baron Young_

 

Kakashi’s heart started to race. Baron Young was one of their targets! They had done it! He practically ran into the bedroom and kneeled beside the bed. Reaching out his hand, Kakashi slowly and gently touched Iruka’s arm.

“Iruka-sensei,” he said softly, “Iruka-sensei…”

Iruka stirred and turned his head to face Kakashi. “Hm?”

Kakashi held up the envelope and invitation. “You did it, Iruka-sensei. You did it!”

Iruka’s eyes widened and he pulled himself up slowly to his elbows. “What? What is that?”

Kakashi grinned at his teammate. Oh thank God it was all worth it!

“Mission has moved to phase three, sensei! This is our in!”

Carefully, Iruka reached out and took the invitation from Kakashi’s hands. He read it over once, frowned, and then read it over again. “This is Baron Young,” he said softly, “This is one of the ringleaders.”

Kakashi nodded. “They’ve noticed us. If we do this private performance tomorrow and impress him, it’s likely he’ll add us to the entertainment planned for their banquet. We’ll have our time and our place and this mission will be over. Not just for us, but for the real Endo and Haru as well.”

Iruka studied the note, and then lifted his eyes to Kakashi’s. The sensei was exhausted, drained, but he still had that fire in his gaze. That spark of life and love and caring that was all Iruka was still there, still going strong.

“What’s going to happen in this private show? What is this Baron going to make us do?”

Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s going to be whatever his personal kink is.”

Iruka nodded, lowering his head to rest on his arms. “So… there’s no way to prepare…”

Kakashi held his breath for a few seconds and then let it out. There was no way to make this sound better than what it was, besides he had told Iruka he would be completely honest with him.

“I can’t pretend that this is going to be easy, sensei.” Kakashi’s voice was soft. “This guy could make us do all kinds of fucked up things.”

Iruka nodded and closed his eyes.

Kakashi wanted so badly to crawl into that bed. He wanted to tear off his clothes and slip under the covers so he could put his arms around Iruka as he trembled. He wanted to press his body against the sensei’s and hold him until Iruka knew he didn’t need to be frightened anymore. But he knew he could not. Instead, Kakashi placed the invitation on the bed and ever so gently touched Iruka’s arm. His palm slipped over the sensei’s flesh and he gripped the hard muscle of Iruka’s bicep. He ran his thumb over Iruka’s warm skin and came close as Iruka’s eyes opened slowly.

“Iruka-sensei, no matter what this guy makes us do, no matter how fucked up it gets, remember that I am there with you. I will keep you safe.” 

The sensei’s eyes shone as he regarded Kakashi through thick lashes. He took a breath and let it out slowly. His voice was soft and muffled as he spoke into his arm.

“I know you will, Kakashi-san… I know.”


	4. Trust and Shame

Kakashi took a long, deep breath in and let it out slowly. His pulse was racing. His heart was thumping against the inside of his ribcage so hard it echoed through his body and rang in his ears. 

The night before, when Iruka had voiced his worry over not being able to prepare properly for this private show, Kakashi had felt for him. The Copy Nin had known and understood Iruka’s hesitation and fear. This was unknown territory, an unscripted scene. They were going into this completely blind with no way of knowing how far they were going to be asked to go or what they were going to be told to do. Kakashi knew that if he and Iruka had been a real couple, and in a real Master and slave relationship, this would be nothing. This might even be a treat for them. This would be something new and different, something exciting and edgy. But the way it was now, with Iruka _acting_ as a sub, _pretending_ to be a slave, there was no other way to describe this than terrifying. 

However, as Kakashi stood in the dimly-lit hallway speaking with Yuto, _Zero Gravity’s_ owner, the only thing he could think about was how the worst part of this wasn’t his worry or his protective instinct over Iruka. It wasn’t their collective fear of walking into this risky scene. It wasn’t even the fact that Iruka was probably going to hate him more than ever after the events of this night were over.

No, the thing that was bothering Kakashi more than anything else that evening, was the fact that he was _So. Fucking. Excited._ What kind of person was he really, to be so turned on at a time like this? Kakashi had already known he was a pervert, he already understood that he was sick on several different levels, but god-damnit! Before now he really hadn’t understood just how sick he really was. 

Yuto was talking to him, Kakashi was sure of it. But what he was saying? Kakashi didn’t have a clue. Here he was, famous Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi, master of a thousand jutsu, Konoha elite jounin, and he couldn’t maintain focus long enough to listen to the man spout some general rules at him. 

Of course, Kakashi had an excellent excuse. 

As the Copy Nin stood talking to Yuto, Iruka was kneeling on the floor at Kakashi’s feet, his tongue playing with the small piercing through the head of Kakashi’s cock. And as if that wasn’t enough, Iruka was dressed in a normal pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Somehow, in Kakashi’s deranged mind, that made the whole thing all the more erotic. If Iruka had been in his fetish gear, Kakashi could have partitioned his thoughts a little better. He could have looked at the image of Iruka decked out in leather and chains and seen it as part of the mission. But having him down there, dressed like he would have been on an average day in Konoha, and with a collar to boot…

It was almost too much. Just a little too real… 

The collar was policy; all subs had to wear them at all times. The reason that Kakashi and Iruka had arrived in casual clothing however, was earlier that morning Kakashi had received another letter from the Baron indicating the room number and the exact time of the private showing. Instructions were “Endo and Haru” arrive at the club no later than three in the afternoon and to please dress inconspicuously. There would be ample time to prepare for the night’s scene after the private show. The club was actually located in a business district and low profiles were necessary during the day. Kakashi had been a little suspicious at first, but after seeing Iruka’s positive reaction to the orders, he had held his tongue. Jeans and t-shirts it would be, and a red leather collar for Iruka. 

“Will you be needing anything else, Master Endo?” 

Kakashi glanced at the simple collar around the owner’s neck. Yuto was a sub. Interesting.

Sliding his fingers through Iruka’s hair, Kakashi pulled the sensei’s mouth off him gently and tucked himself back into his jeans. “No, I think we’re good. Thank you.”

Yuto bowed and handed Kakashi a card displaying the club’s logo, and another small envelope like the one he had received earlier at the hotel. The owner’s eyes never quite reached Kakashi’s face as he spoke, “Then I thank you for your patronage and for your time. My Master is very pleased to be seeing you tonight. I hope our facilities please you as well.”

Kakashi nodded once and took the card and the envelope from Yuto’s trembling fingers. As the owner walked away, Kakashi was left alone with Iruka in the dark hallway. He helped the sensei to his feet and glanced at the card in his hands.

“Where are we?” Iruka asked. 

Kakashi tried not to watch as Iruka wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s an employee passage. I’m guessing these doors lead to the private viewing rooms.”

Iruka nodded and pointed at the card in Kakashi’s hand. “What’s that?”

“Specs on the tech in the room.”

“Oh,” Iruka replied as he slipped a finger beneath his collar to scratch at his skin, “The sound system and the mirror and all that?”

Kakashi nodded. Actually, he had no idea. Iruka had obviously been listening to what Yuto had said, so Kakashi quickly looked down and read aloud to cover up the fact that he had not, in fact, listened to a word of their instructions.

“‘ _Zero Gravity_ provides private show rooms bla bla bla… There is one viewing window, set up as a two-sided mirror to give the performers a sense of privacy. Behind that, depending on the viewer’s party number, there is a small observation area with up to three seats. All drinks are ordered outside prior, and no employees will enter the observation room during the show. During the session, if the sub calls safe word, a privacy curtain is available to cover the viewing window, lights can be dimmed, and the sound can be shut off at the panel on the east wall. If performers need medical attention, the panel is also equipped with a panic button. Please see below panel for operation instructions’.”

Iruka eyed Kakashi with eyebrows raised. “So, not everything goes then.”

“Sounds like it,” Kakashi said. “The sub still has most of the control over the scene, at least in the sense that he or she can end it whenever they want.”

Iruka nodded and turned down the hall, studying the numbers on each door. “Anything else?”

Kakashi followed glancing back at the card. “Uh, yes. ‘ _Zero Gravity_ is not liable for any injuries, damaged equipment, lost items, bla bla bla… We insure complete privacy if the curtain is pulled and the sound is turned off yadda yadda…’”

“Eh?” Iruka glanced over his shoulder. “They mean like there’s no cameras?”

Kakashi nodded and then turned as a door opened behind them. Three people, two men and a woman stepped into the hall, laughing and joking. Iruka reacted immediately and slipped into Kakashi’s hold. The Copy Nin maneuvered them fluidly and pressed the sensei up against the wall. He braced himself with one hand on the brick beside Iruka’s head, and used the other to push up Iruka’s shirt. His fingers gently teased a nipple ring as he ran his lips over the sensei’s jaw.

The three were likely club employees. When they spotted Kakashi and Iruka, their voices lowered considerably as not to disturb their performers.

Iruka, as always, played his part perfectly. He relaxed back onto the wall and arched a little against Kakashi’s hand. 

“What does the letter say?” he whispered.

Kakashi felt himself shiver. Iruka had a sexy voice in general, but it didn’t compare to the breathless whisper he used during their scenes. More than a few times over the last day or two, Kakashi had wondered if that was what Iruka sounded like during real sex, or if it was just part of the act. 

Shaking himself out of those thoughts, Kakashi opened the letter and tried to focus on what was written on the small slip of paper as his hips ground into Iruka’s involuntarily.

“… _‘Thank you for accepting my offer. I have reserved the room for the entire day, so please feel free to come and acquaint yourselves however you please. I will be arriving sometime between half past three and four o’clock. You may begin the session before I arrive and use any of the equipment, or not, as you would if you were alone. In fact I would prefer it if you were already making love as I enter. Regards, Baron Young.’_ ”

Kakashi stilled and reread the letter a second time. It was almost as if someone was challenging him. He was going to be “alone” with Iruka. He was going to be Endo, and Iruka was going to be Haru, and they were supposed to _make love_ like Endo and Haru would on their own time. It was like the most realistic game of role play Kakashi was ever going to take part in. 

And it was with Iruka. 

Kakashi, alone with Iruka. 

Alone with Iruka and ordered to have sex. 

Without an audience. 

The way they wanted. 

“Hey, you okay?” Iruka whispered.

Kakashi had to swallow several times before he could answer. “Yeah, yeah I’m good. Let’s go.”

Iruka smiled softly as Kakashi pulled away. The sensei’s eyes were dark, darker than Kakashi ever remembered them being. “I think this is the room…” he murmured, pointing to the door behind him.

Kakashi looked up at the door Iruka was leaning against. It was in fact their reserved room. He felt a tremor make its way down his spine as he tried to pull his libido and his worry and his disgust of himself together. It was time to work, not to take advantage of his partner.

The door opened inward. Inside, the lights were low, but bright enough for the furniture and simple decorations to be seen clearly. Soft, brown carpet lined the floor, and a tall wooden cabinet stood against the wall opposite the door. Kakashi figured that’s where they would find most of the toys and instruments. There was a cushioned armchair to the right, and love seat against the wall to the left. The center of the room was occupied by a circular bed covered in plain red sheets. There were no pillows, no blankets, and the bed looked easy to remove. Hooks and spreader bars were bolted to the ceiling, but everything was rolled up and buckled in place. There were no doubt all manner of straps and cuffs hidden below the bed as well, but they were tucked away. Hidden. The room looked almost normal.

Iruka stepped past Kakashi as the Copy Nin closed the door. The sensei made his way over to the “mirror” and lightly touched the frame. Kakashi watched the younger man, his pulse quickening once again. Iruka was moving slowly, deliberately. His hips and thighs swayed slightly. His head tilted to the side teasingly as he moved about the room, touching, exploring, and glancing at the panel with the controls to the lights and sound.

Kakashi moved to the cushioned arm chair and sat down. He had already slipped into character. He kept his eyes on his partner, followed him like a Dom would follow his sub. Both he and Iruka were not fooled by the Baron’s letter. It was almost certain that Young was already there behind the mirror watching, seeing what they would do when they were not yet obligated to perform. 

“Endo-san,” 

Kakashi’s cock twitched at Iruka’s tone. “Yes, Haru?”

Iruka returned to the mirror. He slowly ran his hands over the frame, stretching his arms out and up, teasing the metal with the tips of his fingers. He breathed on the glass, fogging his image. He took his index finger and wrote the kanji for _dorei_ , “slave” in the light gray moisture. Kakashi watched the graceful strokes and steeled himself against jumping up and fucking Iruka right there against the window.

“Do you think we’re alone, Endo-san?”

Kakashi smiled softly and folded his hands beneath his chin. “Does it really matter?”

Iruka ran his palm over the kanji, wiping it clean. “No…” He closed his eyes and raised a hand to pull the band from his hair. The sharp locks fell into his eyes and over the back of his neck. Then slowly, as if he could see someone behind the mirror watching him, Iruka pulled off his shirt and dropped it on the floor at his feet.

“Endo-san…” Iruka said again, this time softer.

Kakashi’s cock was no less thrilled. “Hm…”

“Will you pierce me tonight?”

Kakashi body almost shuddered. He had already gone over the scene for later that night with Iruka, and they had planned on talking about it casually during this session, but even so, Kakashi had not been ready for Iruka to ask him so sweetly in such a sensual voice. It took the Copy Nin a moment to gather himself before he could answer.

“Maybe…”

Iruka turned to him then, a pout on his lips. Kakashi liked that pout, and it was obvious. The Copy Nin’s length strained against the thin denim of his jeans. Iruka’s eyes moved down deliberately to linger on the shape of it, and then slowly moved back up to Kakashi’s face.

“Please, Endo-san? I love it when you pierce me.”

It took effort to stay still, but Kakashi managed it. “What will you do for it?”

Iruka smiled softly and his hands went to the button on his jeans. “I’ll be good…” He undid the button and unzipped his fly.

Kakashi swallowed past a parched throat as he watched. “My beautiful Haru… you’re always good.”

Iruka’s smile widened. 

“I’ll be bad…”

His thumbs hooked into the top of his jeans. He pushed the fabric over his hips and bent slowly, giving the Baron, if he was in fact already there, a delicious view of his ass as he slid the pants down his thighs and dropped them on the floor. When he straightened, Kakashi’s eyes moved down to the sensei’s gorgeous body. Iruka was already exquisite, long and lean and tanned, with the grace and pose of years and years of training. The piercings through his nipples and the collar around his neck were simple, but made everything seem so erotic that Kakashi felt all of his muscles tightening at once against a powerful urge to throw himself on the younger man. He was happy to have this chance to admire Iruka’s body like this, but he also knew that it was ultimately going to drive him crazy. 

Enough, time to get things moving. Kakashi unclasped his hands and beckoned Iruka to come closer. Iruka obeyed, stepping out of his jeans and moving across the room. When he reached the chair, Kakashi made no moves. He gave no indication of what he wanted. They were still free to play around. The Baron was not officially there for another quarter of an hour. This was Kakashi’s chance to give Iruka some leeway. Despite everything that could potentially go wrong, Kakashi still wanted to see what Iruka would do. Would he kneel on the floor and blow him? Would he climb into his lap? Kiss him?

Truth be told, the sensei surprised him. 

Iruka said nothing and climbed up onto the chair, but instead of his knees going to each of Kakashi’s sides, the sensei placed them on the arm rests. He steadied himself with his hands on the back of the chair and pulled himself up to loom over Kakashi. This position put his long, hard cock only a few inches from Kakashi’s lips, and The Copy Nin didn’t have to think too hard to figure out what Iruka was going for. He slid his hands up the sensei’s thighs and leaned forward to run his tongue up the younger man’s length. Iruka gasped softly and let his head fall back. When Kakashi’s mouth came around Iruka’s length, the sensei moaned and arched his back. When Kakashi’s hands went to his sides, he thrust forward, rolling his hips gracefully.

“Ah… Endo-san…” he breathed, “Endo-san…”

This was too fucking hot. This was too fucking sexy to be real. Kakashi hoped that this was a little like how Iruka really was. He prayed that he was getting a taste, just the tiniest bit of the Iruka from the mission room, the feisty, sharp-tonged sensei from home. Kakashi took Iruka as deep as he could and looked up. He watched the younger man watching him. His eyes were hooded, glazed with lust and desire. Kakashi followed the trickle of sweat down Iruka’s temple, down his throat, and catch on the leather of the collar. He watched the muscles in Iruka’s stomach flex and wane as the sensei rolled his hips slowly. The soft “ah” that passed through his tantalizing lips with every hard suck, every slide of Kakashi’s tongue on his cock. 

Kakashi felt a hand in his hair. He felt fingers sliding over his scalp. Iruka caressed him while he pulled on the back of the chair; ground himself into Kakashi’s mouth. 

“Please, Endo-san,” Iruka whispered in that quiet, sexy tone, “Please pierce me tonight… Pierce me in front of everyone.”

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka’s waist and ran his tongue along the underside of the sensei’s length. 

“Where do you want it?”

Iruka put both hands on the back of the chair and arched again. He looked down at Kakashi and licked his lips.

“Where your tongue is right now.”

Kakashi felt his own cock jump. The placement and size of the piercings Kakashi was going to perform on Iruka later that night had already been decided, but this game Iruka was playing was too sexy and cute not to play along. Kakashi tilted his head and ran his lips along the sensitive flesh just above Iruka’s sack.

“Right here?”

Iruka nodded, shuddering and sighing softly as Kakashi’s tongue teased him. 

Kakashi moved forward in the chair and lifted Iruka as he stood, “Anything you want love.” 

The sensei made a soft noise and wrapped his legs around Kakashi’s chest. Kissing Iruka’s stomach, Kakashi went to the circular bed and gently laid his partner on the soft sheets. Immediately, Iruka’s hands were in his hair, his thighs tightened around Kakashi’s hips. The air was thick as the Copy Nin kissed up Iruka’s chest. He slipped his fingers around the collar and pushed the leather out of the way to he could feast on the sensei’s muscled neck. 

Iruka groaned and slid his hands down Kakashi’s sides. “Your clothes, Endo-san, please… take them off.”

Kakashi rose and pulled his shirt over his head. He dropped it on the floor, his eyes never leaving Iruka’s. The sensei rolled to his side and gazed up at him from underneath heavy lids, and with that look Kakashi felt his heart start to pound. This wasn’t a role play for him anymore. This was real. Even if this was an act, Iruka was so beautiful, so responsive, how was Kakashi supposed to feel? How was he supposed to keep on pretending that Iruka wasn’t really affecting him? What was he supposed to do with this perfect man lying before him, looking at him like that? How was he supposed to keep it together and remember that this was all for the mission?

“Endo-san?” Iruka murmured, pulling Kakashi from his thoughts.

Kakashi felt a gentle tug on his lips, hopefully it didn’t look forced.

“Can’t I just look at you?”

Iruka’s eyes seemed to burn then. His breath quickened. A hand stretched out on the sheets, slowly caressing the place beside him on the bed. 

“Please don’t do it for too long,” Iruka whispered, “It makes me crazy.”

This time, Kakashi’s smile was genuine. “Good crazy or bad crazy?”

Iruka ran his tongue over his bottom lip and slid a hand slowly down his stomach. 

“You know what kind of crazy…”

The privacy curtain was only inches from where Kakashi stood. Fuck the Baron. Fuck this mission. Fuck everything. Kakashi had never wanted anything more in his entire life then he did now. He had never ached for anything like he ached for Iruka at that moment. He could just pull the curtain, turn off the sound, and climb up onto that bed. He would give Iruka whatever he wanted. He’d cuff himself and hang from a bar if that would make Iruka happy. He’d get on his stomach, ass in the air and let Iruka fuck him like a dog if the sensei asked. 

_No. No no no no…_

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Kakashi turned and made his way over towards the cabinet. Iruka didn’t want any of that. Iruka hadn’t enjoyed the scenes they had done together. This was a mission to him, a part he was playing. That man lying on the bed, looking at him so lovingly, so expectantly, was not Iruka. It was Haru. _Haru_ was a masochist. _Haru_ was a sub. _Haru_ loved _Endo_ , and Endo was a character that Kakashi was playing. When this was over, Iruka would never touch Kakashi again. He would have his memory erased and he would never think of Kakashi in that way ever again.

Opening the cabinet, Kakashi forced all his thoughts of Iruka and all the pain of never really having him aside. He tried to concentrate on the mission like he was supposed—trained—to do. He focused on Haru, on his sub, on _Endo’s_ sub. There was more at stake here than what Kakashi felt or what Kakashi wanted. He needed to get himself out of this selfish and dangerous mindset. Now.

Taking a pair of simple leather cuffs from a hook and a small bottle of oil from the selection on the bottom shelf, Kakashi turned back to the bed. Haru sat patiently, resting on his ankles waiting for him. Kakashi tossed the oil on the bed and opened the cuffs slowly. Haru put out his arms, palms up. Kakashi leaned in and kissed the exposed skin, once on each wrist, and then buckled the leather around the left, and then the right. When the cuffs were secure, and Kakashi had checked them for tightness and circulation, Haru came forward and ran his fingers over the button of Kakashi’s jeans. 

Kakashi stood with his arms at his sides, unmoving. Haru accepted the silent permission and pulled apart the button and slid the zipper down slowly. He fumbled a little when pushing the denim down Kakashi’s legs, but he managed. When Kakashi was naked, Haru sat back once again on his knees, waiting expectantly for Kakashi’s instructions.

“Turn around,” Kakashi ordered, “on your hands and knees.”

Haru obeyed, putting himself in perfect view of not only Kakashi, but the mirror behind him as well. He arched his back and spread his legs. The look he gave Kakashi over his shoulder was raw, exposed, and carnal.

Kakashi ran the back of his finger gently over the solid muscle of Haru’s thigh.

“Do you want my hand, or a paddle?” Kakashi asked.

Haru answered without hesitation, “Your hand.”

Kakashi slapped the right side of Haru’s ass before the other man could ready himself. Haru gasped softly and his body tightened against the sting.

“Why my hand?” Kakashi asked. “Why do you want it instead of the paddle?”

Haru’s eyes closed. “I like the marks your hand makes.”

_Slap._ “Why?”

“I can see the shape,” Haru groaned. “I can see the outline of your fingers.”

Kakashi slapped the left side, harder. “Paddles leave marks.”

Haru groaned as another two slaps landed on his ass and upper thigh. “It’s not the same. It’s just a mark, it’s not as personal. It’s not you.”

Kakashi slapped once more, this time hard enough to send pain shooting down his own wrist. Haru gasped, the force of the blow sending him forward slightly. His head fell forward and his face was hidden by a curtain of hair. 

“Ah, Endo-san… again, please.”

Kakashi climbed up on the bed and rested on his knees. His cock throbbed at Haru’s breathless words, at the red welts that were beginning to rise on his tanned skin.

“Do you like it?” _Slap._

Haru cried out softly and his arms started to tremble. “Yes… yes, Endo-san.”

“Do you love it?” _Slap._

Throwing his head back, Haru cried out again, this time loudly. His arms gave way and his face fell into the sheets. 

“Yes!” he cried, “Yes, Endo-san I love it!” _Slap!_ “Ah! I love it!”

Kakashi moved forward and pushed Haru’s body flat onto the bed. He knelt in between Haru’s spread legs and ran his hands roughly over the red, abused flesh. Haru used his cuffed wrists to push his upper body to its side. He lay twisted beneath Kakashi, looking up at him from beneath heavy lids, panting helplessly from between his swollen lips.

Taking himself in his hand, Kakashi slowly stroked his erection. He ran his thumb over the piercing through the head, watching Haru’s eyes lower to follow his movements.

“You want this?” he asked.

Haru nodded, “Yes, Endo-san.”

Kakashi released his length and slipped two fingers into his mouth. After wetting them, he reached down and pushed them slowly into Haru’s body. His cock throbbed at the feel of his partner’s warm inside and shuddered at the thought of being buried in him again.

“You’re still loose from last night,” Kakashi whispered.

Haru, eyes closed, body trembling, pulled at the sheets with his shaking hands. “I’m sorry.”

Kakashi leaned over Haru and kissed his shoulder. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, love. Get on your stomach.”

Haru tucked his cuffed arms underneath his chest and put his face back into the sheets. He waited as Kakashi used the oil and then spread his legs wider. He pushed his ass up to meet the slick slide of Kakashi’s length against his clef. Kakashi ran his hand through the back of Haru’s hair and kissed the younger man’s neck. But just as the tip of his cock touched puckered skin, a voice sounded from somewhere above them.

“ _Simply beautiful…_ ”

Kakashi froze. Iruka’s eye shot open. The spell was broken. The sound of the Baron’s voice meant that the game was over and now the real mission began. They were now officially under observation. 

“ _I am impressed with the connection you two share,_ ” the voice continued. “ _There is obviously a tremendous amount of love between you._ ” 

Kakashi straightened, his hands moving to Iruka’s back. He caressed gently, reminding the sensei that he was there for him, that he would not let anything happen to him.

“We are at your service, Baron,” Kakashi said. “How can we please you?”

“ _Please take the cuffs off of Haru-san._ ”

Kakashi did as he was asked. No doubt the Baron had his own scene planned and wanted a different type of restraint. The Copy Nin had performed, not to mention witnessed, this type of private show a few times before, and the typical likes were arms behind the back or spread from a bar above. He had prepared Iruka as best he could earlier that morning, but you never knew. There was no telling what this Baron would want.

When Kakashi unbuckled Iruka’s wrists, the sensei sat up and slid off the bed. He knelt on the floor and rested back on his ankles. It was a respectful position, one that experienced subs found themselves in more often than not. He could have stayed on the bed and stretched out on his stomach or side, but somehow this way made him seem more ready. As he sat calmly waiting, Iruka looked as composed as a Buddhist monk kneeling for prayer or meditation. Kakashi was immensely proud of his partner and found himself thinking again how lucky he was to have been sent on this mission with such an excellent ninja.

“ _Haru-san,_ ” the Baron’s voice sounded amused, “ _would you please lift the sheet on the bed by your side? You will find a set of cuffs on a chain attached to the frame_.”

Kakashi breathed in slowly, the tightening in his chest lessening. Being cuffed on the bed wasn’t so bad. It limited the stress one could put on the body. They were probably going to be asked to use toys or maybe perform another bout of spanking. It all depended on if he was asked to cuff Iruka face down or not.

Iruka found the restraints and lowered the sheets. He placed the cuffs on the bed and knelt once again, waiting for instruction.

“ _Now, Endo-san, if you please. Lie on your back while Haru-san cuffs your wrists._ ”

Kakashi’s stomach tightened. They were doing a switch session? Why the hell were they doing a switch session? It was pretty well-known that Haru and Endo never switched. Why was this Baron switching them? It wasn’t uncalled for, but it was certainly unorthodox. 

Kakashi moved to lie back, but froze when he met Iruka’s eyes. The sensei had climbed onto the bed and was looking at him with wide, frightened eyes. He had every right to be scared, the two of them had not planned with this scenario being a possibility. In a way Iruka was flying blind. Kakashi’s heart went out to him, but really it was perfect. Iruka was uncertain and inexperienced, but Haru would have been also. Iruka’s genuine insecurity in this would work in their favor. He would be more convincing as a sub being commanded to switch. 

Kakashi lay down and guided Iruka to straddle his hips. He ran his hands over the sensei’s thighs gently, pressing comforting circles into muscle with his thumbs. Iruka kept his face turned away from the window, hiding his anxiety as best he could, but Kakashi lifted a hand and tucked a lock of dark hair behind a tanned ear. He touched the sensei’s cheek softly. 

Iruka’s hand covered Kakashi’s. His fingers were trembling.

“Endo-san?”

Kakashi’s heart gave a small pang in his chest. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered.

Iruka blinked once and nuzzled his cheek into Kakashi’s palm. Taking a breath, he guided the Copy Nin’s arms to rest above his head. He took care with each cuff, buckling it slowly and checking for circulation. Kakashi smiled as he watched the sensei work. He was a fast learner. Even with his obvious discomfort in the situation, he was still precise in his movements. There was still strength in his shaking hands. 

When the cuffs were secure, Iruka turned to the mirror and folded his hands in his lap.

“ _Very good, Haru-san. Now, go to the cabinet._ ”

Iruka obeyed. He left Kakashi’s line of sight and soon the Copy Nin heard the familiar creak of the cabinet door’s hinges. 

“ _Inside on the left are the gags, and on one of the lower shelves are straps. Take out the red ball gag and the set of black thigh and ankle restraints._ ”

Kakashi twisted so he could see Iruka, even if it was partially upside down. The sensei took the gag from the cabinet and then bent to pull out the thigh and ankle system. He turned the two items over in his hands, ran his fingers over the leather. He seemed uncertain but he turned back to the mirror and waited for further instructions anyway.

“ _Take them to the bed and put them on Endo-san._ ” 

Kakashi had never been fond of being the one tied up, and as he had told Iruka the day before, he took no pleasure in being the one beaten. But as he watched Iruka return to the bed and climb up next to him, as he was subject to Iruka’s meticulous and careful attention, he reconsidered. It might not be so bad if it was Iruka that bound him. It might even be kind of exciting.

After buckling the straps around Kakashi’s thighs, Iruka gently bent the Copy Nin’s knees and wrapped and buckled the smaller straps around his ankles. The position left Kakashi feeling quite vulnerable, but he took a deep breath and focused on the fact that he was being cared for by someone he trusted entirely.

When Iruka retrieved the ball gag, he stilled. He turned the piece over his hands, that same look of uncertainty came over his features once again, and this time Kakashi was not the only one who noticed it.

“ _What’s wrong, Haru-san?_ ”

Iruka looked up. He faced the mirror but his eyes did not meet the glass.

“Baron, sir… The gag…”

“ _What about it?_ ”

Iruka swallowed before he continued. “With this in his mouth, Endo-san can’t call safe word.”

Kakashi’s heart swelled with pride, he couldn’t help it. Iruka was amazing.

There was silence for a moment before the Baron answered. “ _In the cabinet, there should be a few bells. If Endo-san wants, you can use one._ ”

Kakashi smiled softly as Iruka bent over him. The sensei’s voice was so quiet Kakashi almost couldn’t hear it.

“Is it okay, Endo-san?”

Kakashi lifted his chin, ghosting his lips across Iruka’s cheek. “It’s fine.”

Iruka searched his eyes for a moment then asked Kakashi to open his mouth. He slipped the ball between the Copy Nin’s lips and tightened the strap around his head. Kakashi lay still, not liking the feel of the silicon against his tongue at all. It tasted horrible, and he was not looking forward to the strain it was going to put on his jaw. 

Then, as Iruka got off the bed to retrieve the bell, something completely unexpected happened. The moment he lost sight of Iruka, and he was left alone on the bed in this exposed and helpless position, Kakashi actually panicked. He felt anxiety and terror well up inside him so profoundly he felt tears fill his eyes. His heart started to pound in his chest. 

What the hell was happening? 

Where was Iruka?

Then, a warm hand touched his cheek. Gentle fingers ran through his hair. 

“Endo-san,” Iruka’s sweet voice whispered in his ear, “Endo-san, I’m here.”

Kakashi’s breath trembled as his body relaxed. He hadn’t even realized he had tensed up. Sweat ran from his temples down the back of his neck, the sheets beneath him were damp. He tried to swallow. 

It had only been moments, but Kakashi had almost lost it. He couldn’t believe it. Kakashi! The Dom! Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi! He had withstood days of torture from enemy nin! He had come back from missions with injuries that no man should ever have to suffer through! He had _died_ once for God’s sake! And now, he was spread on a bed in a relatively comfortable position, bound and gagged by a good friend, and _that_ almost caused him to forget himself!?

“Endo-san, here.” Iruka pressed a ball into his hand. It was one of those wire balls that caged a small bell, like a cat toy only bigger. Kakashi’s fingers tightened around it. 

“Drop it if you want me to stop,” Iruka said softly.

Kakashi nodded and closed his eyes.

“ _Haru-san,_ ” the Baron’s voice seemed impatient, “ _If you are ready, please return to the cabinet._ ”

Kakashi didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to know what was coming next. He knew it couldn’t be that bad, but even if he wasn’t suspended from the ceiling or strapped to a rack, there were still things the Baron could ask Iruka to do to his body. Many of the images flashing through the Copy Nin’s head were not pleasant.

“ _Open the drawer._ ”

Kakashi heard Iruka’s quiet gasp and knew what was about to happen. He should have known when the Baron had ordered Iruka to do his legs up like this. He tightened his fingers around the ball and readied himself. He didn’t listen to the instructions, and he didn’t acknowledge Iruka when he returned to the bed. Kakashi tuned everything out as best he could until the sensei’s hands were on his legs, spreading them. His eyes stayed closed as he felt Iruka’s oiled fingers slide into him. He stayed silent as those fingers probed and massaged and stretched. 

Then Iruka’s fingers left him and he felt the head of the dildo. The coolness of the thick silicon didn’t really surprise him, but the pain that accompanied it did. Kakashi had bottomed before, many times, but this was nothing like his past experiences. This dildo was too big. It was too long. It tore through him, outside and in. As Iruka pushed the thing into his body, Kakashi felt as if his insides were being crushed. He bit down on the ball gag and let a soft moan escape from his heaving lungs.

Kakashi let his mind wander like his training had taught him. He let his thoughts drift to something else he could focus on, something to distract him. He let the details of the session come together, and he formulated an idea. The Baron had never wanted a BDSM scene. No, he wanted to fulfill torture fantasy. Kakashi was probably playing the part of someone the Baron was obsessed with. Possibly a coworker or a maybe even a past lover that had scorned him. Maybe the Baron was a sub that had been treated badly and this was his fantasy of getting even with his Master. There was no way of knowing. Kakashi just had to live through it and lock it away when it was over.

Oh, but Iruka… How was Iruka taking this?

When Kakashi opened his eyes, he found Iruka watching him with a wide and terrified gaze. The sensei was frozen, his hands on the straps around Kakashi’s thighs. The Copy Nin blinked, realizing the dildo was all the way in. The pain was severe, but nothing compared to the ache he felt in his heart at seeing Iruka’s expression.

“Endo-san,” Iruka’s voice trembled, “Are you all right? Please nod once if you’re all right.”

Kakashi nodded once.

Iruka let out a breath and his hands squeezed Kakashi’s trembling muscles.

“ _Haru-san, let’s continue._ ”

Iruka glanced at the mirror, and then back at Kakashi and nodded. “Yes, Baron.”

“ _I want you to climb on top of Endo-san. Straddle him._ ”

Iruka obeyed. He climbed onto Kakashi, straddling his stomach, careful not to rest his weight or jostle the older man in any way.

“ _Now, I want you to slap him._ ”

Iruka’s already terrified eyes widened even further. “What!?” he turned to the window. “I’m sorry, Baron, what did you say?”

“ _I said to slap him. Slap Endo-san across the face._ ”

Iruka turned back to Kakashi. The Copy Nin could feel him shaking. His eyes moved to the ball in Kakashi’s hand, then returned to Kakashi’s face. The sensei pleaded silently, but Kakashi would not give in. This was a mission. Kakashi knew there were more important things than his own comfort. He would recover, he always did. 

Kakashi nodded, giving the sensei silent permission and assurance as best he could. Thank God… thank _God_ it was him and not Iruka. If the roles were reversed and the Baron had asked for these things, Kakashi would have pulled the curtain long ago. He would have told the Baron to go fuck himself. But this… he could do this. It was just pain. It was just pain…

_SLAP_

The skin of his cheek stung. The place where the ball gag strap dug into his jaw would be bruised tomorrow. Iruka’s aim and his strength were impressive, but Kakashi knew he could do better. The Copy Nin opened his eyes just as the Baron’s voice sounded over the speaker.

“ _Again. Harder this time._ ”

Iruka’s eyes shone with unshed tears as he raised his hand again.

_SLAP_

Kakashi’s head hardly moved. Iruka was still holding back. Opening his eyes wider, Kakashi lifted his head off the mattress. He goaded the sensei on without words. He asked with his eyes for Iruka to give him everything he had. 

“ _Haru-san, hit him harder._ ”

_SLAP_

That time, there was pain. Real pain. Iruka was finally hitting him with full force. Kakashi blinked as his vision swam. He tasted blood mixed with the bitter silicon. Turning back to his partner he dared Iruka again silently.

The sensei made a soft noise in the back of his throat and tears started to slide down his cheeks. He didn’t stop though. He raised his hand and slapped Kakashi again. And again. The Baron’s voice became husky as he asked for more. Commanded more force.

Kakashi was starting to see white at the edges of his vision. His body screamed with the pain of being wound so tightly. The burning hurt between his legs was getting to be more like a searing, excruciating, ache. The blood in his mouth had nowhere to go and started trickling down his throat. His face was numb on the left side.

“ _Ah… Haru-san, again… that’s it…_ ”

It took a moment to realize the blows had stopped. Kakashi’s muddled head scrambled to make sense of the sudden nothingness. Opening his eyes, he found Iruka still straddling his stomach, but unmoving. The sensei had the heel of his palm up to his mouth. Tears ran freely from his eyes as he watched Kakashi try to make sense of what was happening.

“ _Haru-san, why did you stop? Keep going!_ ”

Iruka took a breath, ran his fingers over his lips, and turned toward the mirror.

“Lilac…” he said simply.

Kakashi blinked. The safe word? Why had Iruka called the safe word? They weren’t doing anything that hard. This wasn’t that edgy of a torture scene. Why was he ending it?

He watched as Iruka stood and pulled the curtain over the window. Then he moved to the panel and hit the privacy button. There was a buzzer, and then silence. Returning to the bed, the sensei climbed up and gently unbuckled the ball gag. Kakashi made a noise that was somewhere between a sob and a groan as the ball was taken from his mouth.

“Fu… fuck…” was all he could manage to say.

He closed his eyes as Iruka carefully pulled the dildo from him. He cried out softly as the piece left his body, as the pressure and the pain left him all at once. Kakashi tried not to think about the warm, wet sensation that was most likely blood but he found it impossible. The ankle and thigh straps were removed next, and then the cuffs from around his wrists. When he opened his eyes again and looked up, he found Iruka still crying softly, helping him straighten out his cramped legs.

“H... Haru…” he whispered. 

Iruka didn’t answer him. Instead the sensei moved to sit motionless, turned away from him on the edge of the bed. 

Kakashi rolled to his side and grimaced. The pain was dull and throbbing, nothing worse than being stabbed with a kunai or having a limb broken. His muscles still screamed, but that was no one’s fault but his own. If he hadn’t tensed up so hard he wouldn’t have had any pain in his arms and legs at all. But as it was, his upper and lower back, his shoulders, his stomach, and his neck cried out in cramped agony. Stupid. It was a genin mistake.

“Haru…” he murmured when his voice was steadier. “What happened? Why’d you stop?”

Iruka said nothing.

Kakashi pushed himself up into an elbow and spit blood onto the floor. It wasn’t too bad, just a cut on the inside of his cheek. The bleeding should stop soon.

“Sensei...” he said, and reached out to touch Iruka’s arm.

But the sensei flinched away from him. Iruka moved out of Kakashi’s reach and braced his hands on the edge of the mattress.

“Don’t touch me.”

Time slowed. Kakashi’s heart stopped dead in his chest. Those were the words the Copy Nin had dreaded hearing from the beginning of the mission, since that first night they had walked back to the hotel together. He had known how Iruka felt about this entire thing, but Kakashi really hadn’t understood how much the sensei had hated it.

“I…” he said softly, “Sensei, I—”

“How could you?” Iruka whispered. 

Kakashi’s blood froze. What? How could he what? Nausea boiled in the pit of Kakashi’s stomach as he watched Iruka turn to him with anguish in his eyes.

“How could you let me do that to you?” Iruka’s voice was hoarse, gravely.

Kakashi took a breath. His lungs ached. “Sensei, it’s okay, it was just—”

Iruka stood suddenly. “No! It’s not okay! This is not okay! How could you let this happen? How could you let me do those things to you!?”

Wincing, Kakashi sat up. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Iruka snarled at him. “Yes you did. _Yes you did!_ ” The sensei pointed a finger furiously at Kakashi’s hands. When the Copy Nin looked down, he was horrified to find he was still clutching the ball bell in his palm. The skin was raw, and blood ran from several small cuts where the wire had dug too far into his flesh. 

“You had the power to make it stop at any time,” Iruka’s eyes were red and his lips trembled as he spoke. “You could have dropped the bell and I could have stopped. None of this had to happen! I didn’t have to do… I didn’t have to _torture_ you!”

Kakashi shook his head. “No, sensei, this had to happen, we had to make the Baron—”

“ _NO!_ ” Iruka cried. “This should never have happened! Endo and Haru would have never done this! You told me that this lifestyle is about trust! About taking care of your partner! Endo would have known that Haru trusted him, that he loved him more than anything! He would never, _never_ have made him do something that he knew would tear Haru to pieces!”

Never before had Kakashi hated himself so much. He felt so ashamed at that moment he almost couldn’t breathe. The weight of Iruka’s words pressed down on him. He knew the sensei was right. Endo would have never done this to Haru. He would have said no, or given alternatives, or stopped everything before it even started. This was not something a Dom made his sub do. It wasn’t right.

But then Kakashi’s heart gave another deep pang when he realized something else, something that was going to finalize Iruka’s hatred of him. This right here, this moment, was the reason why Tsunade and the Hyūga clan were willing to perform a forbidden jutsu to erase Kakashi and Iruka’s memory.

Steeling his heart, blotting out all of his pain and shame and regret, Kakashi spoke.

“Iruka-sensei, you forget yourself. You are not Haru; I am not Endo. This is a mission, and we have a job to do, so you need to get yourself under control, now.”

For a moment, one tiny part of an instant, the hurt that filled Iruka’s eyes was so deep, so profound, that Kakashi almost took it back. It broke the Copy Nin’s already stinging heart to see the man he cared so much for is so much pain. For just one moment, Kakashi was _this close_ to jumping up from the bed and throwing himself at Iruka’s feet, begging the sensei for forgiveness.

But then Iruka’s face softened. His body straightened. Tanned hands went to damp cheeks and wiped away tears that had stopped abruptly.

“I… I’m sorry,” Iruka sniffed once. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I did forget myself.” Moving to pick up his discarded clothes, the sensei quickly slipped on his jeans. “Do you need anything? Are you still bleeding?”

So that was it, back to professionalism. 

Kakashi shook his head and tried not to give away the fact that he was about to cry himself. “No. Thank you, sensei. Let’s just get back to the V.I.P. suit and I’ll soak in the tub for a while.” 

Iruka helped him stand and steadied him as he pulled his clothes back on. As they made their way back to their suit, Kakashi tried desperately not to think about Konoha’s mission room, of gentle smiles and scarred faces that blushed so sweetly when he teased.

Later, when he was alone, Kakashi stripped out of his clothes and lowered his aching body into the tub. As the hot water slowly turned pink with his blood, Kakashi tried not to think about how much he wanted to go home. 

There was a soft knock and Iruka slipped inside. “Here’s clothes and salve. Use as much as you want, I have more at home.”

As Iruka turned to go, Kakashi spoke so softly he wondered if Iruka could even hear him.

“Thank you, sensei…”

Iruka paused at the door. He didn’t turn around, he didn’t look back, but his voice was gentle as he replied,

“You’re welcome…” 

When the door closed, and he was alone once again, Kakashi buried his face in his hands and wept.


	5. Won't Let You Hide

Iruka had left him soft cotton pants and a long-sleeved shirt, as well as underwear and socks. After Kakashi toweled dry he slipped the clothes on over his tired body. The warm water had done some good, he was still sore in places, but it didn’t really hurt. Not really. He ran a comb through his hair and slid the eye patch back over his face. When he was dressed he stood staring at himself in the mirror. 

He was pale, paler than usual. There were hollows beneath his one visible eye and around his cheekbones. Parts of his face were ashen, like he was shrouded in shadow even though he was facing the light directly. He felt worn, frayed, tired beyond the bounds of mere physical exhaustion. He felt weak emotionally; his heart ached.

What was he going to say to Iruka? Where did they go from here? They had so many things they needed to talk about, so many things that Iruka needed to understand. Kakashi needed to explain what was happening and how this affected their relationship, professional and personal. If he didn’t, and they didn’t come to some kind of peace, their scene tonight, and whatever scenes they might have to perform after, were going to be tainted. Tainted scenes involved mistrust and fear. They were dangerous and could cause irreparable damage to them both. 

On one hand, Iruka had been in the wrong. If his emotions had in fact blown their cover, or if he had ruined the scene by caring too much or by feeling too much for the situation, then they were in trouble. It was possible that the sensei had destroyed the entire operation and now Endo and Haru were going to be hunted, not only by the puppet masters behind this organized slave ring, but also throughout the county’s BDSM community. 

However, at the moment, none of that really mattered to Kakashi. Yes, their cover might be blown, and yes, they might be finishing up the rest of this mission fleeing back to Konoha, but what mattered most in Kakashi’s eyes was the fact that Iruka was still Iruka. If the mission was a bust, and really, Kakashi didn’t believe so, at least Iruka still had his empathy and his caring heart. If not, that scene and the pain he had to put Kakashi through wouldn’t have impacted him the way it had. He understood why Iruka had lost it, and why he had called safe word. Iruka was too kind a person to put anyone through that kind of torture—or any torture for that matter. It was one of the things that made him such an amazing person. 

The bottom line was Kakashi didn’t think any less of Iruka for how he had reacted, but how was Kakashi going to communicate that to him without sounding condescending? Or making it sound like a lie?

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi opened the door and stepped out. Iruka was waiting for him inside the room, sitting, eyes wide and body tense when Kakashi emerged. When the Copy Nin closed the door behind him, the sensei sprang to his feet and stood at attention.

“Kakashi-san, I—”

Kakashi held up a hand, effectively silencing the other man before he could continue.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Iruka’s eyes widened even further. “No! No Kakashi-san, I have to! I was completely unprof—”

“Stop,” Kakashi said firmly, “You don’t… you have to understand. Despite what may happen after what… just happened, there really is only… I mean, the only thing that matters, to me…” he stopped, unsure of how he should say what he was feeling. Now that the words were actually being said, they didn’t sound condescending at all. What they were beginning to sound like was…

Oh shit.

Shit. If Kakashi said what he was actually thinking, it was going to sound a lot like he was in love with Iruka.

“Kakashi-san? Are you okay?”

Kakashi swayed on his feet, stunned that this realization hadn’t hit him sooner. He wasn’t just enamored or infatuated with Iruka, he was actually _in love with him_.

Pushing a hand through his hair, the Copy Nin steadied himself and scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly. It was getting sort of hot in the room.

“I…” he murmured, “I’m fine, I just…”

A knock on the door pulled Kakashi from his thoughts. He turned, immediately on guard, yanked the eye patch off his head, and activated his sharingan. Standing behind the door were two men, one wore a dark suit and tie, while the other wore white with a tan blazer. Neither seemed threatening, and their chakra signatures were close to nothing. Unless they were significantly more elite than Kakashi himself and adept at hiding even minimal traces of their power, they were most likely civilians.

Kakashi however, was not one to take a chance. He signaled to Iruka, who immediately took up a flanking position by the door, before he slipped the eye patch back over his head. When he opened the door, the man in the tan blazer bowed his head respectfully.

“Good evening, Endo-san,” his voice was as smooth as sandpaper. “My name is Son Yang. I was wondering if I may have a word with you?”

Kakashi nodded graciously and ushered them into the room. He eyed the man in the suit, but he seemed to be nothing more than a meat slab to discourage unwanted attention. He motioned to Iruka with his hand and the sensei came to him.

“Please have a seat,” Kakashi said, “May I offer you a drink? Sake, perhaps?”

Yang shook his head and lowered himself to the couch. “No, thank you. I have come to speak to you about your earlier performance.”

Kakashi gave no indication those words meant anything to him, even if his insides did start to churn. He felt Iruka’s hand tighten around his, but the sensei stayed quiet and calm at his side. 

“I was told that scene was a private showing for The Baron only. I was assured there would be no one else present.”

Yang nodded. “That it was. I was made aware of what transpired after the fact.”

Iruka was tensing, not enough for their guests to see, but Kakashi could still sense it. He stroked his thumb over the sensei’s rough skin and pulled an air of aloofness over his mounting distress. 

“Who are you that The Baron would speak so freely of something so private?”

“The Baron is my brother,” Yang said, “by marriage, and even though we are in a very widespread and lucrative business together, he sometimes still manages to be as irresponsible and childish as he was when we were children.”

Kakashi’s one visible eye narrowed, “Oh?”

Sighing heavily, Yang leaned back and straightened his shirt. “Please rest assured I have not come to reprimand you or cancel your services to us. On the contrary, I have come to offer my deepest apologies for my brother’s behavior, and—if I may, Endo-san—speak directly to Haru-san for a moment.”

This was interesting. Kakashi swallowed and turned to Iruka. The sensei was watching him, his eyes a little frightened but still steady. He could tell they were thinking the same thing. Iruka new that if this man was not cancelling their upcoming performances—and on top of that, apologizing for his brother—then the scene earlier had not compromised the mission. However, there were still countless other directions that this conversation could go. There were so many ways that “Haru” could be scolded for his complete lack of emotional control.

“Haru, my love,” Kakashi spoke softly, “I’m going to let this man address you, and you know that he is not permitted to discipline you. You may speak to him if you wish.”

Iruka’s hands slid up his arms as soft lips kissed Kakashi on the jaw. 

“Yes, Endo-san,” Iruka whispered, “thank you.”

Shivering, Kakashi let the sensei go and watched as the younger man made his way across the room. He knelt, settling on his ankles, placed his hands on his thighs, and lowered his head. He said nothing.

Kakashi felt arousal roll through him at Iruka’s incredible display of control and he hated himself for it. This was not the moment. It would never be the moment for that. If he was lucky, Iruka wouldn’t flinch at the very thought of Kakashi touching him again. Whatever this Yang was planning to say was no doubt going to exacerbate the horrible conflict that was probably already tearing the sensei apart inside. There was going to be lots of damage control and Kakashi was sure that Iruka was not going to accept the comfort Kakashi would want to offer.

“Haru-san,” Yang began softly, “After being in this business for so long, after everything I have seen and done, I did not think it was still possible to impress me, but you have done it.”

Kakashi’s breath might have caught, but Iruka stayed still, composed, listening calmly.

“My brother’s tastes border on non-consensual, and sometimes he takes scenes and performances a few steps too far. He enjoys making people uncomfortable and he especially loves to humiliate Dominants. Now, I know of seasoned subs that would not have been able to handle what my brother put you through tonight, and so I wanted to show my appreciation and admiration. You are of a caliber I have not before encountered. Endo is lucky beyond words to have you, and I am honored that you have graced my business and my presence with your experience and your skill.”

Iruka bowed his head further and spoke softly. “The honor is mine, Yang-san. Thank you.”

Yang lifted a leg to rest an ankle on the opposite knee. He laced his fingers together and placed them under his chin.

“My brother says you kept up his torture scene for almost twenty-one minutes. I have to admit I am not fond of torture scenes, but I feel as if I have missed something truly amazing by not being there to see the moment you ended it.”

“I cannot take credit for my actions, Yang-san. Endo-san is my teacher. All I know, and am, has been molded by his expert hands.”

Yang turned and motioned to his associate. The man in the suit moved to Kakashi and handed him a small envelope.

“You are both exquisite,” Yang continued, “I am inviting you to a banquet tomorrow night. It is being held in a place undisclosed to persons not explicitly invited. If you accept, I will have a car pick you up here. The time, dress code etc., are all in the invitation. You will not be required to perform, but if you attend, and if you wish, I’m sure a performance would be greatly appreciated.”

Kakashi pocketed the invitation and crossed the room to Iruka’s side. “We are honored to be invited, thank you.” He touched Iruka’s shoulder and the sensei rose to his feet. “If you would excuse us now, we need to prepare.”

Yang bowed his head, and stood. “I will see you tonight then.” He crossed the room and waited for the man in the suit to open the door. He smiled as he left, “Good evening.”

Kakashi’s feelings were so jumbled, he didn’t realized he had reached out and was holding Iruka so tightly until the sensei started to push away from him.

“Kakashi-san, please let me go,” he said.

Turning back, Kakashi resisted Iruka’s retreat. “Sensei, wait.”

“No!” Iruka pulled from Kakashi’s grip and backed away. 

Pain tore through Kakashi’s heart and he reached for Iruka instinctively, trying, _willing_ him to come back into his arms. “Sensei, wait, you need to—”

“ _Hatake Kakashi you will shut up and listen to me this instant, so help me!_ ”

Kakashi froze. He had heard Iruka shout like that before, and at that time he had known exactly what to say, but now, in this situation, he was no better than the pre-genin Iruka taught every day. He said nothing and lowered his hands. He remained calm and collected, but on the inside he wanted to scream.

Iruka stood a few feet from him, so close and yet miles away. His shoulders rose and fell with his heavy breathing. He watched the floor at Kakashi’s feet with wild eyes. His hands, balled into fists at his sides, shook with what could be anger or fear, Kakashi wasn’t sure.

 _Thank all the gods we are going to forget this,_ Kakashi thought. _I don’t want to remember the moment when Iruka couldn’t even look at me…_

He waited. Kakashi just stood and waited for what Iruka would say, his jaw clenched and his heart aching. 

Then, slowly, Iruka lowered himself to dogeza. He put his hands down and brought his forehead to the floor.

“You were right…” Iruka said. 

If there had been one thing that Kakashi was not ready for, it was this. His heart couldn’t take it, his body couldn’t take it. Iruka might have been in the wrong, but he did not need to lower himself like this. Not to Kakashi. Not to someone as repulsive as Kakashi knew he was. Kakashi had been fighting his own thoughts and his own desires only minutes before their scene with the Baron had started. He had come so close, _so close_ to just saying screw it and pulling the privacy curtain so he could fuck Iruka for real. How was that professional? How was that even _right?_ For a moment nothing but his own disgusting need had mattered. Not the mission, not anything. At least what Iruka had done was pure and loyal and not some act of unimaginable depravity. It had been ill-advised, yes, and had the potential to foil their mission, yes, but at least what Iruka had done didn’t make him a monster.

Kakashi knew he was a monster. 

He couldn’t bear being in this position. He couldn’t bear to see Iruka like this, he didn’t want to. However he couldn’t belittle the apology and rob Iruka of his honor by interrupting, so he stayed where he was, trying not to start sobbing, holding himself back with everything he had.

“You were right about everything,” Iruka said, his voice so soft it was barely above a whisper. “You understand this life and I don’t. I was being selfish and naive and I could have gotten us both killed. I let myself forget that the mission is more important than my own personal feelings towards the scene. You were a professional about the situation and I was a coward, not strong enough to see past my own emotional discomfort and I am so, so sorry for not trusting you.”

_No no, please, sensei. Don’t say that…_

“I promise to follow your direction for the remainder of this mission and I won’t question your decisions again.”

This wasn’t going how Kakashi had thought. He had been waiting for hatred, or disappointment, or _anything_ beside what was happening right now. Now Iruka was asking for forgiveness so sweetly. He was so humble and respectful and perfect and Kakashi was vile and didn’t know how to respond. Iruka did not deserve this. 

“Ir…Iruka-sensei…” Kakashi choked out, not at all surprised that his voice was failing him.

“You don’t have to say anything Kakashi-san,” Iruka said, “And I know… that I didn’t really have a choice in this, and it probably doesn’t bother you like it bothers me, but… I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Never before had Kakashi wanted his mask so much. 

Taking a few careful steps, Kakashi moved silently towards Iruka and knelt on the floor at his side. He slid one arm over his shoulders, pulling the sensei up, and slipped the other hand through Iruka’s dark hair and over the sensei’s eyes. Iruka came easily, compliant, and sank into Kakashi’s hold. 

“Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi said softly, “weren’t you listening to Son Yang? You did everything right. You were perfect and I’m so glad you didn’t listen to me.”

The sound that Iruka made was some kind of hybrid between a laugh and a sob, Kakashi wasn’t sure. The sensei lifted a hand and found Kakashi’s. He squeezed and took a few long, slow breaths before he spoke again.

“I meant… the way I acted… after.”

Kakashi shook his head, images of Iruka’s tortured face as he unhooked Kakashi’s wrists and ankles flashed behind his eyelids. A sharp pang shot through the Copy Ninja’s heart.

“You don’t need to apologize for that, sensei.”

Iruka took a slow breath. “You’re not angry with me?”

Kakashi ignored the way the room blurred behind hot tears. “No, sensei, I’m not angry with you. How could I be angry with you? It’s because of you that we’re so close to completing this mission. Because of your kindness and your caring nature, I believe you reacted the same way Haru would have reacted during that scene. Regardless what happened afterward, you performed perfectly.” Kakashi took a breath. Was that what he was trying to say?

“…I don’t see how, Kakashi-san.” 

“You said before that you believed Haru and Endo loved each other for real, outside the mission. I believe that too. If Haru loved Endo he wouldn’t have been able to do those things to him and he would have ended the scene the same way you did.”

Iruka sniffed and turned his body slightly, leaning into Kakashi’s chest. The Copy Nin kept a hand over the sensei’s eyes, still too vulnerable and still too frightened to let Iruka see the emotions that were probably so obvious on his face. Iruka seemed to understand that and Kakashi was immensely grateful.

“How does that help the mission though?” Iruka asked. “Endo and Haru might have been one way in private, but that’s sort of irrelevant. A professional sub that can’t perform the scene requested? I just don’t get how we’re not on our way back to Konoha right now.”

Kakashi took a breath. “It’s a hard thing to explain. It was just… You gave in, but you did it in a controlled way. You didn’t fight it, you didn’t get hysterical, you just… gracefully ended it. That kind of discipline… is very beautiful…”

Iruka was still for a long time, long enough for Kakashi’s tears to dry and for the beating of his heart to slow. Having Iruka so close was painful, but it was also a kind of comfort. It was a strange combination—a strange thing in general—considering Kakashi was usually the one in that particular role. Receiving, and even more so _accepting_ , comfort was a new and surprisingly wonderful thing. Kakashi had never experienced anything quite like it, so he didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. He did nothing that would break the moment and prompt Iruka to leave him for a long time.

“Will you be okay tonight?” Iruka asked finally.

Kakashi nodded into Iruka’s hair. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. You?”

“Yeah…” Sitting up, Iruka turned slowly to face Kakashi. His eyes were puffy, but Kakashi was sure it had to do with the fact that they had been covered by a warm palm for the last half hour, and not because he had been crying. Maybe.

“We have another couple of hours, are you hungry?”

Kakashi nodded, “I could eat.”

“Okay,” Iruka said as he stood, “I’ll go get something and then we can just... talk.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi murmured, “okay.”

As the sensei moved away, Kakashi sat and leaned against the couch. He was tired, but the moment Iruka had mentioned food, his stomach had started to growl.

“Here,” Iruka said and handed him a slip of paper and a pen. “Write what you want, since I can’t really talk to anyone.”

Kakashi glanced up at Iruka’s face, expecting to be met with annoyance or maybe even sadness, but to his surprise, the sensei was actually smiling.

“What’s funny?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka shrugged. “I was just thinking how embarrassing this no talking thing would be if we were back home.”

Kakashi cracked a smile himself. He couldn’t help it. 

“Naruto would really get a kick out of it, yeah.”

“Naruto?” Iruka chuckled, “Try Raidou.”

“Why? You yell at Raidou a lot?”

Iruka took the paper from Kakashi and glanced at the order. His smile had morphed into a full on grin. 

“No, but I do yell at Genma occasionally, which could be considered the same thing since the two of them are attached at the hip.” 

“Oh really?”

Iruka shook his head. “Not in that way, just really good friends.”

Kakashi made a face and tilted his head to the side playfully. “Like, Kiba and Shino good friends? Or Shikamaru and Temari good friends?”

“They’re not having sex, if that’s what you mean,” Iruka straightened and pulled a jacket on. “At least, I don’t think they are…”

“Oh no, I’ve planted the idea. Now it’s never going to go away.”

Iruka pretended to look stricken and his hands flew dramatically to his cheeks, “Oh no.” He rolled his eyes and headed for the door. However, when he turned the knob and the hinges started to protest the movement against the frame, the sensei stopped.

“Hey, Kakashi-san?” he said.

“Hm?” the Copy Nin hummed, trying to keep the unease from his voice. 

Iruka glanced at him from over his shoulder, his eyes soft. 

“Thank you, for what you said…” 

When the door closed, Kakashi let out a breath and prayed for strength.

* * *

“Kakashi-san?” Iruka asked.

“Hm?”

“What we’re doing tonight, have you ever done it before?”

Kakashi pulled a strap of leather through another buckle before he looked up. “No I haven’t.”

Iruka’s eyes, accented with gray and black liner regarded him carefully. “Really?”

Kakashi nodded. “I’ve pierced before, but not as part of a scene.”

“Do you like it? Piercing?”

“If my partner likes it, yes.”

Iruka nodded, his expression thoughtful. 

The sensei stood at the door, waiting for Kakashi to finish buckling the rest of the straps on his boots. He was covered in another long robe, soft and black with red lining. Underneath was nothing but the piercings in his nipples. The slippers on his feet would be left backstage and the robe would be taken off slowly as part of the show. All he needed was the collar around his neck.

Kakashi pulled on his jacket and retrieved the chain from the countertop. He moved towards Iruka slowly and stopped when he was a careful foot and a half away from where the sensei stood.

“You okay?” he asked, holding up the chain.

Iruka nodded. “I don’t like it, but… it’s you so it’s okay.”

Nodding, Kakashi lifted the hook and clipped the chain to the D ring attached to the collar. “That’s actually… kind of nice to hear, sensei.”

Iruka had been watching the floor, but now his gaze lifted to meet Kakashi’s. “I do trust you, Kakashi-san, I’m just nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

Iruka nodded. 

“Remember, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi said softly, “you’ll be giving the directions. This time I’ll be able to follow your verbal direction instead of acting on body direction. It’s a lot easier and a lot safer, especially for people like us that haven’t actually been doing this together very long.”

Iruka shrugged, “Doesn’t seem to make a difference with you though.”

Kakashi’s heart skipped. “What doesn’t?”

The skin across Iruka’s cheeks and nose went scarlet and his gaze dropped again. “I’m sorry, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean for it to be rude, it sounded rude, but I didn’t—”

“Woa, sensei,” Kakashi moved closer and put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, “cease fire. It’s okay. Just tell me what you meant.”

Iruka let out a breath and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“I meant that… it doesn’t seem to matter that we haven’t been… working together like this for very long. Even the very first time you were—it was, I mean, you were good… good at it.”

Kakashi’s heart started to skip but he managed to stay perfectly calm, at least on the outside. He wasn’t sure what Iruka was actually trying to say, but he was very sure of what he _wanted_ Iruka to say.

“Good at… what, sensei?”

Making a soft noise, Iruka turned and faced him directly. He was red all over, every part of him that Kakashi could see. It was very distracting.

“You’re very good at this,” Iruka motioned to himself and his collar. “You’re good at making it look real. I saw how those people watching us reacted.”

That wasn’t exactly what Kakashi had been hoping Iruka would say. “Thank you, Iruka-sensei,” he answered anyway.

Actually, that wasn’t even close to what Kakashi had wanted to hear. Iruka was complimenting his reading skills, his shinobi instincts, the things that Kakashi did that made him a good ninja. He wasn’t being complemented on his ability to read Iruka’s body direction at all because what Iruka was doing wasn’t real. Iruka thought Kakashi was responding to his show, with a show. To Iruka it wasn’t a scene, it was a performance. To Iruka, Kakashi’s thoughts and feelings and reactions were an act.

Kakashi clenched his jaw as Iruka opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. A hard bass thrummed from below, filling the space where they would soon be performing with a pulse, with life. Closing the door behind them, Kakashi led Iruka down the hall and down the stairs gently with the chain leash. Iruka followed behind, eyes on the ground. He was the perfect display of a submissive. He was so beautiful, so quiet and trusting. He played his part so perfectly.

A wave of guilt rolled through Kakashi as they neared the doors to backstage. He had to get a grip. He had to remember that this was a mission. He had to remember that Iruka was a friend and a colleague and not a lover. He had to remember that Iruka didn’t have feelings for him, that Iruka didn’t love him at all. He had to remember that this was, in fact, just an act.

He had to remember that to Iruka, none of this was real.

* * *

The crowed watched in rapt attention as Endo pushed the fifth and last of the barbells through Haru’s skin. Haru sighed and arched a little on the table, but he stayed quiet, eyes closed, reveling in the care and attention his Master was bestowing upon him. Their communication was incredible; Haru’s trust was enviable, desired by every Master and Dominant in the room. The scene so far had been perfect, seamless. All eyes were on the couple on stage, and every heart beat faster than the quiet, yet steady bass of the music.

“Haru, my love, I’m finished,” Endo said. His voice was loud enough for all ears. “How do you feel?” 

Haru writhed, his hands running over his own chest. “Good, Master. Very good.”

“Excellent,” Endo smiled. “Now, roll. Get on your hands and knees, put your back to the audience.”

“Yes, Master.”

* * *

No one moved. No one dared to breathe. The blood ran in thin rivulets down tanned skin, like the tears that poured from Haru’s eyes. The amazing slave’s back was bowed, his arms pulled at the cuffs. His teeth ground together, clenched tight around words his Master coaxed from his tired lungs.

“Haru, my sweet, sweet slave, your submission pleases me. Your willingness to withhold your safe word pleases me.”

“Thank you, Master,” Haru cried, “I’m trying, Master. I want to make you happy.”

“Good. You’re doing so good, my love. Now,” Endo slowly tightened the wheel on the rack another notch, “can you stand these last four?”

“I…” Haru’s voice trembled. “I don’t know, Master. I don’t know if I can take any more.”

“You can do it, my love.”

“Yes, Master.”

Endo tightened the wheel another notch. Haru’s chest heaved. The muscles in his shoulders trained almost unrealistically.

Endo tightened the wheel again. Haru whimpered and took a few sobbing breaths.

“You can do this, Haru. I believe you can do this, my love.” 

“Y—yes… yes, Master…”

“One more.”

Haru let out a sound that was pure agony, but then closed his lips and took a few deep, shuddering breaths to calm himself. Slaves throughout the audience whimpered at the display. Dominants and Masters watched with envy.

“Are you ready, Haru? Are you ready for one more?”

Haru gritted his teeth and nodded slowly.

Endo tightened the wheel one last notch. Haru screamed, but did not call safe word.

* * *

Kakashi released the lever on the rack and reached up to unbuckle Iruka’s wrists.

“You are beautiful, my Haru,” he said, “You did so well…”

The audience’s applause roared but Kakashi was not paying attention. Perspiration beaded on his forehead and dripped from the tip of his nose. The smell of Iruka’s blood and sweat was making his head spin. His muscles were aching. The sensei writhed beneath him, tears running down his cheeks.

“You did so well, Haru…” he murmured softly into Iruka’s ear.

“Endo-san,” Iruka sobbed, “E-Endo-san…”

Kakashi freed Iruka’s ankles and leaned over his partner’s shaking body. He slipped his hands underneath the younger man’s torso and whispered, “Here, my love, hold on to me.”

Iruka’s arms came around Kakashi’s neck and he lifted the sensei off the rack easily. He nodded to the crowd and moved backstage. Yuto was waiting with Iruka’s robe and slippers. He was crying and his hands were shaking when he handed the items over, but he led Kakashi to the recovery room and bowed graciously when the couple stepped inside.

“Is there anything I can get you, Master?” Even the poor man’s voice shook.

“No,” Kakashi said gently, “You have done well, Yuto, thank you.”

Yuto shivered and bowed again before he moved away.

Kakashi closed the door behind him and immediately laid Iruka down on the bed. He threw blankets over the sensei’s body and retrieved the med kit from the bathroom and a few washcloths from the rack by the sink. When he returned to the bed, he knelt and found Iruka curled on his side, his eyes closed, but he was no longer trembling.

“Are you all right, sensei?”

Iruka nodded slowly.

“I need to clean you up, do you need a minute? I can take the piercings out now, or I can wait until later when you’re feeling better.”

Eyes closed, Iruka’s brow furrowed and he hunkered down further into the pillows. “I… don’t know. Should they come out now?”

Kakashi nodded, “If it’s okay with you, yes.”

Iruka was still for a moment, but then he nodded his head. “Okay, take them out.”

After slowly and carefully moving the blanket, Kakashi pulled on a pair of gloves and inspected the five piercings along the underside of Iruka’s shaft. They were beautiful, red, and hardly swollen. They looked like they belonged there. It was a shame he had to take them out.

“It’s going to hurt a little, sensei,” Kakashi murmured. “Just try and relax.”

Iruka might have laughed, but the sound was muffled against the blanket.

Kakashi cleaned the area and the first piercing came out easy, no blood, and Iruka made no sound. The Copy Nin placed the barbell into a small container and moved to the second one. As he unscrewed the ball, Iruka made a noise that was not unlike the noises he had made out in front of the crowd and Kakashi stopped.

“Are you all right, sensei?”

Iruka nodded, his hand balling into a fist in the pillow case.

Kakashi returned to the piercing and gently pulled the second bar. Iruka moaned again, but Kakashi continued like he hadn’t heard it. 

However, when he started unscrewing the third, he couldn’t stop himself from reacting as Iruka’s body started to respond to his touch. The length beneath his fingers was definitely starting to harden, and the younger man’s skin was hot all over. He turned to Iruka as the sensei rolled to his back and threw off the blanket.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka said, his breath heavy, “It hurts but I can’t stop… I can’t control myself…”

Kakashi shivered at the gavel tone in Iruka’s voice.

“It’s okay, it’s a natural reaction. Sometimes the body reacts to pain like it’s pleasure. Coping mechanism.”

Iruka shuddered a laugh without any real humor and covered his eyes with his hand. Kakashi looked away, trying not to let that image of sweaty, panting Iruka stick too hard in his head, and finished unscrewing the third barbell. When he dropped the ball into the container, Iruka shifted. He hand still fisted the pillow, and his breathing had become heavy, heavy enough that his chest rose and fell substantially against Kakashi’s arm.

“What does this mean, Kakashi-sensei?” Iruka panted.

“Like I said,” Kakashi breathed, “it’s a coping mechanism.”

The sensei made another sound as Kakashi removed the third bar, a sound that made the Copy Nin all too aware of his growing desire and the fact that neither one of them had gotten off during the scene tonight. 

“Your body’s trying to deal with the endorphins. It’s looking for a way to release the extreme buildup of tension and I’m sorry for that. I knew this would probably happen, but the scene tonight wasn’t about sex, so ejaculation wasn’t a part of it.”

“I can’t believe I’m even…” Iruka shook his head and lowered the hand covering his eyes. “I can’t believe I could right now. I’m… I just hurt everywhere.”

“I’m sorry, sensei.”

Removing the last two bars was easier, but only because Iruka was able to partially calm himself. As Kakashi worked, he listened to the sensei’s breathing patterns and recognized several techniques he had been taught in training. He considered using them himself. 

“Done, sensei,” he said as he pulled off the gloves, “You all right?”

Iruka wiped at his face and nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Can I… hold on, I need to sit up.”

Kakashi settled back on his ankles as Iruka pulled himself up. His skin glistened in the soft light, and his hair stuck to the back of his neck. He was so beautiful it made Kakashi want to cry.

“I think…” Iruka started, “I want… um… those things on my back. Are they still bleeding?”

Kakashi stood and moved around the bed to crawl up behind Iruka and inspected the series of small cuts along the sensei’s ribcage. They were small, and perfectly aligned, but unlike the piercings they did not look like they belonged there. The marring of smooth flesh was not the same as the decoration of metal.

“A few are still bleeding a little, yeah. Do you want me to clean them?”

Iruka hesitated but after a long breath, he nodded.

Kakashi settled behind the younger man and pulled ointment from the med kit. He poured a few drops onto a ball of cotton and pressed it against one of the small, red, cuts. Iruka hissed, but seemed to physically relax after a few seconds.

Neither man spoke for a while. Kakashi continued to clean the cuts and try not to think about everything that was churning in his head. His thoughts and his feelings were inappropriate and unwanted and were starting to pound on the front of his skull. It would be almost impossible to talk to Iruka now, not with Kakashi’s nearly crippling guilt. After scenes that were all about submission and expanding boundaries, Kakashi usually soothed his subs with gentle, slow sex. He would hold his partner and speak softly, he would touch and massage and kiss wherever and however his sub wanted. Kakashi knew Iruka would benefit from that, but he also knew that Iruka didn’t want that from him. The sensei would never want that from him. 

Kakashi could admit to himself that in that moment, he wanted the sensei more than ever. He wanted to comfort him more than anything, but Iruka was so far from that it was almost ridiculous.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said softly.

Startled, Kakashi froze. 

“Yes, sensei?”

“I can’t, um…” Iruka’s voice was trembling, “I can’t uhm…”

Kakashi tossed the cotton ball and clenched his fists against his thighs. He wanted to touch Iruka desperately, but if the younger man flinched away from him again, Kakashi knew that his heart wouldn’t be able to take it. 

“Iruka-sensei, what can I do?”

Iruka let out a breath and wiped at his eyes. He let his head fall back and studied the ceiling for a few moments before he answered.

“Get me out of here. Take me back to the hotel?”

Kakashi nodded, “Okay, I can do that.”

* * *

“Here, Iruka-sensei, sit.”

Kakashi guided the younger man to the couch and pulled a blanket around the sensei’s shoulders. Iruka had been quiet during the walk back. He hadn’t said a word and had leaned heavily against Kakashi’s body as they had made their way into the hotel and up the stairs to their suit. Kakashi wasn’t sure if Iruka was silent because he was still in too much pain, or if he was mad, or if something was actually wrong, and now the younger man’s acute docility was starting to worry him.

“You can’t get in the tub because of your wounds, sensei,” Kakashi said softly, “but you do need to finish cleaning up before you go to bed. Hang on a second, I’ll get some things.”

Iruka made no indication that he had even heard. The younger man just sat, staring at a spot on the carpet, lost in his own thoughts.

Moving quickly, as if he was afraid of leaving Iruka by himself for too long, Kakashi grabbed fresh cloths from the kitchen and some warm water. When he knelt in front of Iruka again, he was relieved to see the sensei’s eyes track the movements of his hands. 

Pulling the blanket aside and opening the robe, Kakashi washed his partner carefully, ever so gently. He cleaned the remaining blood from Iruka’s skin as best he could, mindful of the sensei’s bandaged ribcage. The area around Iruka’s lower stomach and in between his thighs, Kakashi took extra care. He moved slowly, deliberately, and tried not to touch too long or linger in any one spot more than was needed. When he finished, he set the water and cloth on the floor.

“Let’s get you in bed.”

The younger man went easily. Kakashi led him into the bedroom and pulled down the covers on the bed. He sat Iruka on the mattress and guided him to lie back on the pillows. When the sensei was situated, Kakashi pulled the covers up and turned down the lantern sitting on the stand beside the bed.

“Goodnight, Iruka-sensei.”

Kakashi left, closing the door behind him. He stood for a few long moments debating if he wanted to sleep, or if he instead needed to do something to get his nerves quiet and his muscles to relax. In the end his body finally won out, even though his mind was still racing. He was exhausted. He managed to change out of his fetish gear and into a pair of soft cotton pants and t-shirt before he stretched out on the couch and was immediately asleep.

The sky was not quite light when Kakashi awoke suddenly, as if from a nightmare. He glanced at the clock hanging above the cold fireplace and calculated that he had been sleeping for about an hour. He yawned and rolled to his side, pondering how he had so easily fallen out of sleep when he had been so tired before.

A noise from the bedroom made him freeze. He opened his eyes and slowed his breath, listening intently for another of the same. His hand tightened almost painfully on the fabric of his shirt. His heart skipped as he waited.

Again, there was a quiet sound, a whimper. It had been too indistinct to place it before, but now it was obvious. Soft crying, muffled, but unmistakable. 

Rolling, Kakashi slid off the couch and stood. He quickly made his way to the bedroom door and as his heart beat frantically in his chest, he carefully pushed it open. Inside, Iruka lay facing away from him, his shoulders shaking. Kakashi swallowed against a lump that had started to grow in his throat and moved around the bed. A terrible ache started in his chest when he found the sensei sobbing softly into the pillow with his hand fisted in the hair at his temple. 

Kakashi had experienced his fair share of remorse. He had done a lot of things he was not proud of and a lot of things he wished he could go back and change, but never before had he felt such an intense hatred of himself. He had done this. This was his fault.

Kneeling beside the bed, Kakashi reached out his hand, “Iruka-sensei…”

Startled, Iruka turned out of the pillow and he looked at Kakashi for a moment, tears trailed down his cheeks, clinging to his dark lashes. He breathed heavily around words that came out in barely a whisper.

“Kakashi-san?”

“Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi murmured, “I’m so sorry.”

Iruka’s lips started to tremble and he lifted a hand to cover his eyes. He shook his head fiercely, but what he was denying, Kakashi didn’t know. Was he rejecting the apology? Was he trying to tell Kakashi to leave him alone? 

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka cried, “Why are you here? Why would you want to be around me? I’m disgusting…”

“ _What?_ ” 

He had known something was wrong when they had returned, and he should have listened to his instincts. He should have done something then. He should have pressed the sensei to talk to him. He should have tried.

Now, unable to stop himself, Kakashi reached out. It was instinctive, unavoidable. Everything, every part of him, needed to touch Iruka, needed to comfort him; needed to try and mend this wrong that he had no doubt committed. He gently took Iruka’s forearms and pulled the sensei’s hands away from his face. Iruka turned away, eye squeezed shut, but Kakashi chased after him.

“Iruka-sensei, what do you mean you’re disgusting?”

Iruka shook his head again. “I don’t know… I don’t know…”

“What can I do?” Kakashi asked, “What can I do to help you, sensei?”

For a moment, Iruka did nothing. He stayed frozen, shaking in Kakashi’s grip, eyes tightly shut and lips trembling, but then he moved. He reached out blindly and clutched at whatever parts of Kakashi he could find. He pulled himself closer and whispered desperately into Kakashi’s neck.

“I don’t know. I’m so alone right now, Kakashi-san… I’m so scared.”

Realization hit Kakashi then and he almost pulled away. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t put two and two together. How had he not seen it? Was it even possible though? Was he imagining it?

Had Iruka actually found some kind of subspace? 

Putting his hands on the sensei’s jaw, Kakashi brought Iruka’s face up so he could look the younger man directly in the eyes. He coaxed Iruka into meeting his gaze and spoke firmly while still being as gentle as he possibly could.

“Iruka-sensei, I’m here. You’re not alone. I’ll take care of you, okay? Just tell me what you want and I will do it.”

Iruka sniffed and took a few shuddering breaths before he replied, “Anything?”

Kakashi nodded, “Anything.” 

Fresh tears slid from Iruka’s eyes as he pulled himself closer. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but he finally found his voice. When he did, his warm breath ghosted across Kakashi’s lips, sending a powerful shiver down the Copy Ninja’s spine.

“Could you please pretend?” Iruka whispered. “Pretend that you love me? Just… take care of me, like I was yours?” 

For a moment, Kakashi felt nothing. Iruka’s words had no impact on him. But as realization and understanding of what Iruka was saying settled in, a few things happened at once. Kakashi’s heart decided to skip several beats. Excitement shot through him like lightening, electrifying every part of his body. His breath caught so hard he almost choked when it started again. This couldn’t be real. Iruka was asking for his comfort? He was asking for Kakashi to comfort him? 

It was like a dream, a tragically beautiful dream come to life and Kakashi was sure there was no other way this could be happening unless he was imagining it. 

Iruka seemed to have already accepted that Kakashi would say no, because he was pulling away, retreating. But Kakashi wouldn’t let him go. He grabbed the sensei’s wrists and pulled them up and around his own neck. Before Iruka could react, The Copy Nin slid an arm around a strong torso and spoke as gently as he could against tear-stained lips.

“Yes… Yes, Iruka-sensei, I’ll take care of you…”

Iruka’s eyes widened, but whether it was in shock or disbelief Kakashi would never know. The sensei gasped but had no time to speak before Kakashi kissed him. Slowly, carefully he coaxed the younger man’s mouth open and caressed the softness of Iruka’s tongue. Iruka resisted at first, but his resistance only lasted moments. As Kakashi slid a hand up into Iruka’s hair, Iruka whimpered softly and pulled himself against Kakashi tightly, almost frantically.

Kakashi let himself be pulled forward, and he crawled up onto the bed. Iruka kissed him like he was air, and he would die if he didn’t get enough. It was so amazing and so terrible at the same time, Kakashi wasn’t sure if this was the best moment of his life, or the worst.

There was no coming back from this and Kakashi knew it. His heart would be in tatters when this night was over, but it didn’t matter. He would help Iruka. The sensei had dipped a little too deeply into that place where subs let go and forgot themselves and he hadn’t known what to do. It was easy to get there really, especially when in the kind of focused pain that Iruka had been in. But Kakashi would bring him back, he would comfort the sensei until he was whole again. He would take the pain away.

Iruka watched him as he stood and retrieved the ointment Iruka had left on the bedside stand the night before. He tossed the small bottle onto the blankets and stripped out of his t-shirt and pants before he climbed up on the mattress. He kissed a tanned collar bone and applied some of the ointment before he ran his hands up trembling arms. He found the muscles there riddled with tension knots, and so he eased chakra into the flesh in tiny increments as he rubbed gentle circles with his thumbs.

Iruka made a small noise and tried to turn away, but Kakashi wouldn’t let him hide.

“Is this good, Iruka-sensei?”

Iruka nodded but didn’t look at him. 

Kakashi continued to rub gentle circles, pressing chakra into pectorals and defined latissimus. When he leaned down to kiss a line up Iruka’s chest, the sensei arched and Kakashi whispered against soft skin.

“You were so amazing tonight, Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka shook his head, “No I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were,” Kakashi laid kisses across Iruka’s shoulders as he spoke, “You were amazing… and beautiful… and sexy.”

Sniffing, shaking beneath him, Iruka whispered softly, “I just didn’t want to disappoint you… I wanted you to… like it? I don’t know…”

Kakashi stilled his hands on Iruka’s sides, “You wanted to please me.” 

“Yes…”

A shiver climbed up Kakashi’s spine and he straightened. He might have started to shake a little himself. As he moved up and over the younger man’s body, he kissed just below Iruka’s jaw. He trailed his lips up slowly, finding wetness on a smooth cheek. He caught a few salty tears with his bottom lip before he kissed swollen skin beneath Iruka’s eyes. He tried to control a wave of desire that rolled through him at the sound of Iruka’s breathless gasp, but it hit so hard Kakashi couldn’t stop the tremor that almost caught him off balance.

When he felt Iruka’s hands on his face Kakashi nearly died.

The sensei’s lips were warm and soft, a bit hesitant, but Kakashi didn’t care. This was the first time Iruka had kissed him when it was just the two of them. There was no audience, no one to impress, and no one to act for. This kiss was Iruka, nothing but Iruka, the short-tempered, handsome, loving sensei that worked behind the desk in the mission room. The man that Kakashi had always admired from afar, always wanted to know a little better. 

As the kiss deepened, Kakashi lowered his body. Iruka spread his legs and Kakashi came down between the younger man’s thighs. Iruka’s hardness rubbed against Kakashi’s and both men had to stop for a moment to catch their breath. It was ridiculous, really, they had already been together several times. They had already touched each other like this. There should be no reason why just their bodies coming together like this would have such an effect. There was no sane reason why Kakashi suddenly felt like this was all new and that much more exciting.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered, his breath labored.

Kakashi nuzzled into the warmth of Iruka’s palms, “Yes?”

“Tell me that you’re not disappointed in me, even if it’s a lie.”

Kakashi lifted his head, looking Iruka directly in the eyes. He searched the sensei’s face before he spoke, trying to make the younger man understand. 

“Iruka, I told you befo—”

“—Please, Kakashi-san,” Iruka pulled him close again, brushing his lips across Kakashi’s so softly. “Please just say it. I need to hear it.”

Carefully, Kakashi took a breath and let it out slowly. He wanted Iruka to understand that he wasn’t just saying it, but if this would make the sensei feel better then…

“I’m not disappointed in you, Iruka… not at all.”

Iruka sighed and arched his back. His length rubbed against Kakashi’s and the Copy Nin responded. He rolled his hips, grinding his hardness down on Iruka, pushing a sigh and a sweet whimper from the younger man.

“Kakashi-san…” Iruka whispered as the two of them rocked together slowly.

“Yes?”

“Tell me that you don’t hate me.”

“Iruka I don’t hate you. How can you think that?”

Iruka’s breath was ragged as he hid his face against Kakashi’s throat. “Just say it,” he panted, “Please, just say it.”

Kakashi kissed the top of his head and tried to keep his heartbeat under control.

“I’ll say whatever you need me to say,” Kakashi murmured, “I’m not disappointed in you… I don’t hate you.”

Iruka arched again and threw his head back against the pillow. His hands slid down Kakashi’s chest, gripped the older man’s sides and pulled him in harder. Kakashi couldn’t hold in the things he wanted to do any longer and slid a hand down between Iruka’s thighs. He palmed the straining erection and groaned as Iruka whimpered into his ear. The tension in the younger man’s body was all the tell Kakashi needed and he pulled away, reaching for the ointment. He fumbled as he poured some on his fingers, but he couldn’t help that his hands were shaking. Iruka’s arms came around him again when he returned and the sensei gasped softly when Kakashi’s fingers pressed into him.

“Is this all right?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes…” Iruka breathed.

Trailing kisses, Kakashi moved down Iruka’s neck. His fingers slid in and out of the sensei gently, easily, and his other hand moved to grip that straining, beautiful cock. He stroked steadily while he kissed and licked and sucked on hot, smooth skin. Trembling hands slid through Kakashi’s hair, and Iruka’s sweet breaths drove the Copy Nin crazy as he worshiped every inch he could reach. He started to murmur soft praises; quiet, words that might not have meant anything but floated in the air around them, comforting, soothing.

“Kakashi-san…” Iruka gasped, “Kakashi… please…”

Kakashi’s restraint was exhausted, he could no more deny Iruka’s pleading words than he could make the earth turn backwards. He took the sensei’s hips and rolled him to his side, he pushed one leg up and straddled the other. Leaning over Iruka’s body, kissing a trembling shoulder, Kakashi whispered his last ounce of sanity against Iruka’s jaw.

“Are you sure?”

Iruka pressed his face down into the sheets and nodded. 

“Yes.”

Taking his length in his hand, Kakashi slid into Iruka in one smooth motion. He groaned softly at the feel of the sensei’s warmth, shivered uncontrollably at the sweet sounds that Iruka made. He braced his hands on the bed and pulled back, only to thrust forward again.

“ _Ah… yes_ …”

“That good?” Kakashi asked, amazed that he could even speak.

“Yes,” Iruka whispered, “Please don’t stop.”

Picking up a slow, steady rhythm, Kakashi pulled back gently and pushed forward with enough force to press Iruka down, to make him sigh and arch, but not enough to hurt. He didn’t want anything to hurt Iruka, not ever. He nuzzled against the sensei’s shoulder and kissed the side of his throat. 

“So beautiful…” he whispered, “You’re so perfect…”

Keening softly, Iruka rolled to his stomach fully and lifted his hips. The angle changed and Kakashi placed himself between the other man’s legs. He ran a hand down Iruka’s arm, brushing his fingers over Iruka’s fingers. The sensei took Kakashi’s hand and squeezed, sending an intense pleasure through Kakashi’s body and tearing through his heart. He shuddered and laid open-mouthed kisses up Iruka’s spine and growled his approval as the sensei’s hips came up to meet his thrusts.

“Tell me how it feels…”

Iruka braced himself on his elbow and spoke behind a curtain of dark hair. 

“It feels so good, Kakashi-san… too good…”

Taking Kakashi’s hand, Iruka pulled it down, over his thigh, and around his swollen, leaking cock. 

“Your hands feel good too. I love it when you touch me.”

A deep and powerful pulse of pleasure coursed through Kakashi’s at Iruka’s words. He had never expected to hear something like that, not from Iruka, not in this lifetime. His heart wasn’t prepared for it. 

His body was, however. Kakashi’s hand wrapped around Iruka’s length and stroked in time with his thrusts. The sensei moaned and writhed against him, arching, pressing back.

“Oh my god,” Kakashi growled, “Shit you’re so hot.”

“Harder,” Iruka moaned, “Please, harder Kakashi-san.”

Kakashi obeyed, bracing himself, pushing with his knees. He pounded into Iruka, jerking his cock erratically. His lips pressed into the junction between the sensei’s shoulder and neck and he hissed when Iruka’s hand found his hair and pulled ruthlessly. He felt himself slipping as pleasure started to cloud his thinking, sweet tension started to coil in his loins. He moaned Iruka’s name over and over in between whispering more meaningless nothings into sweaty skin. 

“ _Oh god… yes… Kakashi-san… oh my god…_

“Let go, Iruka,” Kakashi whispered, “let it go, I’ve got you.”

He felt the pulse in his palm, the tightening of Iruka’s muscles around him. The sensei’s entire body went taught before he cried out softly and reached for his length. His hand moved over Kakashi’s, and the Copy Nin lost himself in the feel of Iruka’s touch, his body. The Copy Nin came hard, thrusting in short, hard movements. His vision went black as smell and heat and pleasure overcame him, mixed together into one overpowering sensation of ecstasy. It lasted for what could have been hours, or perhaps only moments, but it was incredible, intoxicating, unbelievable.

As he came down, he found himself lying over Iruka’s body. They were tangled together on top of the sheets, sweating, panting together. He lifted himself up on shaking arms to allow Iruka to shift around to his back. The sensei’s eyes were heavy, his hair was damp and plastered to his forehead, but he was no longer crying.

“Kakashi-san…”

“Hm?”

The sensei licked his lips and swallowed thickly, “Thank you…”

Body sated, heart aching, Kakashi leaned in and kissed the younger man on the lips. He didn’t want this moment to end; he never wanted to let Iruka go ever again. He kissed Iruka gently and sweetly for as long as he thought the sensei would let him, and then rolled to his side and pulled Iruka into his arms.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

Iruka nodded as he put his arms around Kakashi’s waist and tucked his face into the Copy Nin’s neck.

“Yes.”

Kakashi sighed and ignored the pain in his chest as he pushed his fingers gently through the sensei’s hair. It wouldn’t have been so hard, so unbearably hard if Iruka hadn’t held him so tightly.


	6. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this chapter to be so long, but I had to set up the last bit. I'm sorry for all the introspection--but not really. 
> 
> Enjoy Kakashi torturing himself.

When Kakashi woke, he found his face buried in soft, brown hair. At first he couldn't make sense of the situation, but it only took him a handful of seconds to figure it out. Iruka's smell was everywhere, all around him, invading his senses and forcing Kakashi to remember the events of last night. Or, judging by the faint light from the window, a mere few hours ago.

He could not escape without untangling himself, and he had absolutely no intention of doing that, so he moved in closer. Iruka's back was pressed up against his chest. The sensei's breathing was even, calm, but it was obvious he was also very much awake. Carefully, Kakashi slid a hand over a muscled hip and nuzzled forward into the junction between neck and shoulder. The skin there was warm and soft, and Kakashi did not even try to resist the urge to kiss it.

He heard Iruka sigh and froze. He waited. When the sensei did not try to move or leave his hold, Kakashi carefully pressed his lips to that skin a second time. A third. No resistance. The Copy Nin took that as consent and thrilled at the thought of being able to touch the other man like this. Unhurried, gentle, and all alone with no one to perform for. If Iruka was letting him do this, then... what did that mean?

Fingers ghosted over the back of his hand, and Kakashi actually shivered. Iruka laced their hands together and guided their touch slowly down his stomach. His cock was firm underneath Kakashi's palm, warm. Heart racing, Kakashi rose up to rest on his elbow to stroke Iruka's length at a better angle. It was also easier to kiss down a smooth shoulder, a firm bicep. He couldn't believe the sensei was okay with this, that he wanted Kakashi again after all that had happened. This was no longer comfort, this was lust, need, this was... what was this exactly?

He left soft, open-mouthed kisses anywhere he could reach. Kakashi's tongue felt like ice as it dragged slowly over flesh so hot it was like fire. Iruka moaned as Kakashi pumped him slowly and ran his lips down hard-packed muscle, across tight hips. He gently pushed the sensei to his back and felt hands in his hair as he moved his mouth across Iruka’s amazing stomach.

He looked at the swollen cock in his hand. It was so perfect, so smooth, he wanted so much to put his lips around it. To run his tongue up the side. To hear Iruka’s moans of pleasure as he drank him down. 

But he could not move. 

Iruka’s hands were in his hair, but he was not pulling, at least Kakashi didn’t think so. Why couldn’t he move? What was happening?

His muscles were not responding. He couldn’t even move his eyes. Was it a jutsu? Shit, had they been discovered? Kakashi’s heart sped up, his breathing became harsh as he fought against whatever was holding him frozen. Panic started to well up in his gut, in his heart. If he couldn’t move, he couldn’t protect Iruka! This didn’t make any sense! How could he not move and have no idea what was happening?!

There was a kunai at his neck. The cold steel of the blade was pressing into his skin. Hard enough to draw blood? He couldn’t tell.

“ _Bastard…_ ” 

Everything inside Kakashi seemed to break all at once. His heart, his soul, his very essence was crushed at the sound of that voice. Kakashi realized at that moment what was happening. And it destroyed him.

It was Iruka. Iruka had the kunai to his throat.

“ _What do you think you’re doing?_ ” The sensei’s voice trembled with anger. “ _You think I’m just some sex slave you can use whenever you feel like it?_ ”

 _No. No, Iruka, I don’t think that at all!_ Kakashi tried to say, but his voice was gone.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and found himself pushed to his back on the bed. Iruka came over him, still holding the kunai. The sensei was crying, his face wet with tears and red with fury. The sight broke Kakashi’s heart and soul all over again. 

“ _You monster,_ ” Iruka growled, “ _How could you do this? How could you think any of this was okay?_ ”

_I’m sorry, Iruka! I’m sorry! I love you! I never wanted to hurt you!_

“ _You fail everyone! You fail yourself! You don’t even deserve to be a shinobi!_ ” 

Kakashi wanted to die. Iruka’s voice was in his head, tearing him apart piece by piece.

“ _Leave! Disappear! I never want to see you again! See if you can live with yourself knowing that you’re disgusting! And a liar! I HATE you! I HATE_ —” 

Kakashi jerked awake.

He blinked his eyes, trying to focus on the textured ceiling, and took a few deep, shaking breaths. Sunlight poured in from the window, and he could smell coffee. It was a dream? Wait, of course it was a dream. What the hell? _So stupid!_

“Kakashi-san?”

Kakashi’s head whipped to the side. He was shocked to find Iruka, dressed, and sitting beside him on the bed. The sensei’s hair was brushed smooth but still damp from the shower. He looked relaxed, rested. Infinitely better than he had the night before.

“Kakashi-san, are you all right? You were… it sounded like you were in pain.”

The Copy Nin wiped at his face in a futile attempt to hide his embarrassment and then sat up. The sheets were bunched around his hips. He almost reached for them to try and cover himself up but stopped at the last moment. What would be the point? No sense making this even more awkward.

“Just a bad dream,” he said softly, “It’s not a big deal.”

“What about?” Iruka asked.

Kakashi shrugged. “Oh, you know, one of those that isn’t really scary, but you’re terrified anyway. Like you can’t figure out how to turn off the water in the shower or something.”

To his surprise, Iruka chuckled.

“I have dreams where I can’t flip pancakes.”

Kakashi pushed past his embarrassment and looked up. Iruka was smiling softly, looking right into Kakashi’s eyes. Somehow, just that simple act made the horror of his nightmare Iruka fade. The fear and the shame he had felt as he was held down and threatened with everything he hated about himself still lingered, but it had returned to something manageable. 

“Do you end up flipping them over onto themselves? I do that all the time.”

Iruka chuckled again, the sound seemed to be a bandage for Kakashi’s troubling thoughts.

“No, I can’t flip them period, and then they burn. It’s really sad.”

Kakashi had to laugh at that. The thought seemed ridiculous, but in the world of dreams, he could see how it would be terrifying.

“It’s just stress, Kakashi-san,” Iruka said, “It’ll be okay.”

The sensei raised his hand and Kakashi almost flinched. He immediately regretted it however, when Iruka merely brushed Kakashi’s hair from his eyes, and then cupped his jaw in his palm. They stayed that way for a few moments. Iruka’s eyes were clear and focused, even if they were a little sad.

For the second time, Kakashi found himself submitting to Iruka’s comfort, and for the second time, he felt strange accepting it. Before this, it had always been him giving the comfort. He was the one who always brought his submissive back from the edge, or from that place beyond; that dark place Kakashi had no desire to go. It was not bad, it didn’t feel wrong, just… strange. 

Kakashi swallowed thickly. “You don’t have to worry about me. Are you all right, sensei?” 

Iruka nodded, “Yes.” He released Kakashi’s jaw and lowered his hands to his lap. He was still calm, still collected, but the air in the room had changed. There was tension that had not been there before.

“I am… extremely embarrassed about last night,” Iruka murmured.

“You don’t have to be,” Kakashi said.

“I know that but I can’t just make it stop.”

Shifting, Kakashi found a more comfortable position and leaned in. He was trying to get himself further into the sensei’s line of sight. It seemed to work as Iruka glanced at him out he corner of his eye.

“Do you need to talk about it, sensei? It might help.”

Iruka shook his head. “I do but we have a mission, Kakashi-san. I plan on walking out that door and leaving it in here. I’ll pretend that it didn’t happen so we can focus on what’s important. My embarrassment and my feelings aren’t a priority.”

Kakashi’s heart started to beat a little faster.

“They are to me.”

Iruka turned and looked at him then. His eyes were a mixture of so many things that Kakashi could not distinguish a single emotion. Fear? Sadness? Loneliness? No, that last one might be Kakashi’s own wishful thinking.

“I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am, Kakashi-san.” 

It was so hard to keep himself from reaching out and taking Iruka’s hand. So fucking hard.

“You’re not a burden, you could never be a burden, sensei. Besides, how comfortable you are and how comfortable you are with me is extremely important. It _is_ part of the mission.” _But really, fuck the mission. I just want you to be happy._ “Please, Iruka-sensei, I don’t mind. If you want to ask your questions, ask.”

A long silence passed between the two of them. Iruka studied Kakashi’s eyes with that completely unguarded yet unreadable face until the Copy Nin’s stomach started to roll with anticipation. 

Finally, Iruka took a breath.

“Why did you abandon this lifestyle, Kakashi-san?”

Kakashi swallowed thickly, that was not what he had expected to be asked. Then again, Iruka seemed to always do exactly what Kakashi did not expect.

“I kept hurting people,” Kakashi said. “I would take scenes too far, or I would need an outlet for frustration, but the people I would scene with…” he took a breath. “When your sub isn’t your partner and doesn’t know anything about you, they can’t read you. They can’t tell when you’re over the limit or past what you can take mentally.” Kakashi’s chest started to tighten at terrible memories of the shameful things he had done. He couldn’t understand why he was telling Iruka all of this, he could have just made something up, spare himself the humiliation. 

“I’m not… good at holding myself back. I can be, but not after a mission or after… losing someone. I would be cruel to subs and they would just let me. It was awful. I would leave disgusted with myself and in worse shape than when I came in.”

He didn’t look up. He didn’t want to see Iruka’s face. If he was also disgusted with what Kakashi had done, or what he used to be, Kakashi knew he would not survive it. On the other hand, if he was understanding or forgiving, Kakashi knew he might not be able to stop himself from doing something very stupid.

“Were…” Iruka’s voice was so soft. “I mean… did anything we did together disgust you?” 

Kakashi’s head snapped up. He met Iruka’s sad eyes and felt something inside himself break. Not for the first time.

“No!” he could not stress the word enough. “No, god, no. Never. _Never_. I know you, and I trust you. We’re on a mission—working—together. You learn so fast and you’re so…” _damnit, I love you so much…_ “You could never disgust me, Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka seemed to relax. The tension in his shoulders left and he may have even leaned in a little closer to where Kakashi sat rigid. 

“I’m...” he said softly, “That’s good.”  
`  
There was more Kakashi wanted to say, and many things he wanted to ask Iruka, but he pushed it all back and tried to calm his racing heart.

“What else?”

Again, to his surprise, Iruka smiled. It was barely a turn of lips, but it was there.

“Seems silly now.”

Kakashi shook his head. “No, it’s not. I promise.”

Iruka took another slow breath before he spoke. “Last night, was that how you would usually comfort a submissive? Like, another part of a scene? Or was it more like… how you are now?”

Not sure how to answer, Kakashi sat chewing his lip. He must have sat for too long however, because the skin around Iruka’s scar started to turn pink.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka murmured, “I don’t know if asking that is rude or not.”

This time when Kakashi tried to swallow, he couldn’t. His throat was too dry.

“It’s not rude, sensei. And to be completely honest, I don’t know how I am now. I haven’t had any opportunity. And last night? Yes, it was like part of a scene, but not completely because it was you, and I know you. I just wanted to make you feel better. You were hurting and I just wanted to make it stop. That’s it.”

_Sorry, Iruka. That’s not it, but hopefully you’ll accept that…_

Something flickered in Iruka’s eyes then, but Kakashi was emotionally exhausted, and so past the point of being able to discern what the other man was thinking, it was almost funny. When the sensei’s hand came up and his palm returned to the Copy Nin’s jaw, Kakashi did not flinch. In fact, he leaned in, nuzzling into the other man’s warm touch. 

“Thank you, Kakashi-san,” he said, “thank you for telling me. I’ll try and control myself a little better next time. I won’t lose myself like that again.”

The words were on Kakashi’s lips before he could stop them. “It’s all right, sensei. If you do, I’ll be here to bring you back.”

Iruka’s eyes widened and the blush across his scar spread. Within seconds the sensei’s entire face was bright red, and he was stammering behind his fingers.

“Th-thank you, Kakashi-san. I… I’m um…” He was adorable. How could a grown man be so fucking adorable?

Recovering quickly, Iruka took a breath and stood, leaving the space beside Kakashi very cold and empty. “Well, now that I’m twice as embarrassed as I was a minute ago, I’m going to go out into the other room. Once I cross the threshold, it didn’t happen.”

Kakashi nodded. “Okay.”

“No teasing.”

Chuckling, Kakashi played with the sheets. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Yes, you would.”

The Copy Nin watched Iruka’s back as he crossed the room and reached for the doorknob.

“Hey, sensei.”

“Hm?” the younger man turned around.

The Copy Nin held up his hands and made grabbing motions in the air. “You have the most amazing ass I’ve ever seen.”

“W-what?” he was sputtering. “You said you wouldn’t tease!” 

“You haven’t crossed the threshold yet!”

Iruka made an exasperated noise as he opened the door, but he didn’t slip out fast enough to hide his smile. 

After the door shut, Kakashi watched the space where Iruka had been standing for a long time. He felt better. He shouldn’t have, he didn’t deserve it, but there it was. Things were still going to be awkward between them, strange, but even if Iruka was embarrassed and even if he didn’t like what they were doing, at least Kakashi knew he was going to be okay. He was focused again, ready to finish the mission. All they had to do was get through this last day, and then they would be done and then they could go home and have all of these memories erased. They would go back to the way they were, like none of this had ever happened. 

Sighing, the Copy Nin threw off the sheet and stood. A shower would do wonders.

* * *

“There’s coffee and pastries on the cart,” Iruka said, “The lemon one is okay, but I think the cherry is too sweet.”

Kakashi looked over the assortment of breakfast treats, wondering if it was worth the headache he would have later from the sugar crash.

“Where did these come from?” he asked.

Iruka waved at the cart as he read the paper. “Son Yang. He left a note with information about the club we’re going to tonight in case we wanted to perform.”

“We should.” Kakashi poured himself a cup of coffee and selected a plain roll. “A performance would give us opportunity for recon and easy access to the entire area.”

Iruka nodded. “I thought the same thing.”

Kakashi chewed and moved to the table. It felt strange eating and talking to Iruka like this, but strangely, it also felt right. Comfortable. Iruka really had put last night in the other room and kept it there. He was calm and collected, focused again, like any good shinobi should be. The air in the room was easy, light, like nothing out of the ordinary was happening, or was going to happen. It was incredible how the young man could partition his mind and body like that. Kakashi knew seasoned elite that couldn’t do that. The Copy Nin knew he was going to have to do the same. It was going to be difficult, but he could do it. He could be strong for Iruka’s sake.

Pushing his anxiety and stress and all those other distracting feelings to the side, Kakashi placed his coffee, roll, and the club information sheet on the table adjacent to where the sensei sat, and lowered himself to the cushion. 

“We won’t have to do anything too rough tonight.”

Iruka looked at him then, “Really?”

Kakashi nodded. “It’s unlikely in this setting that they’ll want something heavy. I’m fairly certain we won’t even be the only couple performing. It’s possible we might not even have a set performance time and they will expect us to just roam.”

“Oh, I was going to ask you,” Iruka said, “I don’t know the protocol for interaction within community.”

“It sometimes depends on the venue,” Kakashi said as he took a sip of coffee, “but there are a few general rules that go without saying. No touching unless you have permission. Subs can get away with touching other subs most of the time, unless their Master or Dominant has forbidden it, but Masters and Dominants can’t. You must get permission to touch someone else’s sub or slave, also to touch their toys or equipment.”

“Haru was allowed to touch others, after getting permission, I’m assuming.”

Kakashi nodded again. “Correct. Haru would do recon while Endo would chat up the figureheads. Book more shows, acquire private scenes with specific targets, that kind of thing.”

“I noticed the club has no set dress code, so I won’t be required to wear any type of restraints. I can move around freely.”

“I think they’ll be expecting you to,” Kakashi finished the last of his pastry and licked the sweetness off the tips of his fingers. “Haru is quite well-known for his dances.”

“Yeah,” Iruka murmured, “I read that.”

Kakashi smiled, “What, sensei, you questioning your moves?”

“No, my ‘moves’ are fine,” Kakashi was pleased to see the mischievous flash of teeth as the sensei spoke, “It’s just not something I like to do in front of old perverts.”

“I’m an old pervert.”

Another smile, “Old perverts I don’t know.”

“Just pretend I’m the only one there then. And you never know, maybe some of them are younger perverts. The age limit is only twenty.”

“Oh my god,” Iruka laughed behind his fingers, “shut up.”

Kakashi loved that laugh. He wished he could hear it more often.

“But seriously, sensei, I’m sure you’ll do fine, your instincts will get you through. All we have to do now is construct a scene.”

“Speaking of which,” Iruka said, “I think I have an idea.”

* * *

The car picked them up at the back entrance just as the sun started to set. Kakashi sat with Iruka stretched out on the seat beside him, head in the Copy Nin’s lap. There was Champaign and fruit provided at the small mobile bar, and Kakashi had quickly busied himself with feeding Iruka a handful of small, red grapes.

“They’re so sweet, Endo-san,” Iruka said softly as he rolled the flesh over his tongue. “May I have some Champaign?”

“What will you give me if I let you have some?”

Iruka smiled, “What do you want, Endo-san?”

Kakashi took a sip from his glass. “Hm, your devotion, your undying love, your body…”

Giggling, Iruka lifted a hand and ran the backs of his fingers over Kakashi’s mouth. “You already have all those things, you have to be more specific. What about a kiss?”

Kakashi pretended to think that over as he watched out the window. “A kiss for some Champaign… sounds reasonable.”

He took a small sip and leaned in over Iruka. Their lips met gently, and Kakashi opened to share the Champaign with his partner. Iruka moaned and lapped it up with his tongue, sucking it from Kakashi’s lips before he slid a hand around the Copy Nin’s neck.

“Endo-san,” he breathed, “May I have some more, please?”

“No, my lovely Haru. That’s all for now.”

Kakashi straightened and motioned to the bottle chilling in the ice bucket.

“Would you like some?”

The escort sitting across from them jumped. He obviously had been enjoying the show and had not been expecting to be addressed directly.

“I.. n-no, Endo-san. Thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” Kakashi tipped the glass back and finished what was left. “How much longer?”

“Five minutes,” the escort said. He was large, with a rough face. Obviously capable in the way of ex-military or maybe contact sports. He was most likely hired security, a regular employee of the club, or possibly, Son Yang himself. 

The club was set on the strip. It was not flashy, no neon lights or blinking signs, but it was presentable in the same way as luxury hotels. The car pulled up and the escort jumped out. He opened the door for Kakashi and moved away as The Copy Nin did the same for Iruka. The two made their way across the entrance, arm in arm, looking somewhat underdressed in all the surrounding high fashion and chrome. They both wore jeans and black t-shirts, comfortable yet unremarkable shoes. Kakashi’s one nod to the occasion being a simple, black blazer. Iruka’s a tight leather jacket. They moved through the crowd at the doors easily. Despite their lack of pomp and glitz, their escort did his job well and weaved them through and past the doors without fuss.

They turned down a hallway behind the front desk and took a service elevator to the sixth floor. As they stepped out, the atmosphere changed dramatically, and suddenly, Kakashi and Iruka fit right in, despite being entirely _overdressed_.

There were greeters at a long table waiting for them. An understated but lovely drag queen handed Iruka a small bouquet of white roses and bowed respectfully to Kakashi.

“Welcome, honored guests, Endo-san, Haru-san. My name is Lola. Will you be joining the diners directly, or shall I show you to one of the preparation rooms? If you choose to perform, please use the room for as long as you need.”

“We’ll use the room, thank you.”

Lola nodded. “Our hosts will be thrilled. Here, please take this,” she handed Kakashi a pamphlet. “This is tonight’s schedule. Please feel free to come and go as you please, and when you are ready to preform, just find me or anyone else wearing a name tag. Right this way.”

The room was spacious, fully furnished with a kitchen and dining room. It was more like an apartment or suite than a ready room. Lola bowed and left them with a gentle click of the door. 

Kakashi read over the pamphlet as Iruka searched the room. He whistled as he read over the list of names.

“What is it, Endo-san?” Iruka asked. 

Kakashi made a motion with his head, directing the sensei’s attention to a speaker installed in the ceiling. The room was audio monitored. It was unlikely there was video, but they would have to be extremely careful how they spoke to each other. 

Taking a quick glance where Kakashi had indicated, Iruka gave a quick nod to show he had seen it and understood. They had both been expecting something like that, and had planned on the operation starting even before they entered the car. 

“I’ve heard of some of these people,” Kakashi said, his attention returning to the program. “Politicians, big shot lawyers, CEOs of various companies... This banquet is a big deal.”

“Hm…” Iruka hummed as he moved into the kitchen. He lowered his hand to his side and signed in code for Kakashi to read as he spoke.

“You think they have ice, or will we need to get some?” ( _The ring runs that deep?_ )

Kakashi sat and responded with hand signals against the arm of the chair. “Check the freezer and I’ll get some if they don’t have any.” ( _Apparently. Remember, your recon will need to include exactly what it is they’re dealing in._ )

Nodding, Iruka checked the freezer. “They have a tray in here.” ( _Will we need visual conformation?_ )

( _If possible, but I don't think we'll be able to get it on this mission._ ) “Good. Come over here.” ( _Any storehouses or warehouses they've set up are probably going to be too far away._ )

Iruka moved across the kitchen floor and onto the carpet. He slowly removed his shoes and jacket before climbing up into Kakashi’s lap. He tapped the code onto Kakashi’s shoulder as he leaned in close.

“What is it, Endo-san?” ( _I’ll see what I can find._ )

Kakashi slid his hands over Iruka’s hips and ran his thumbs over that tightly packed section just below the younger man’s waist. He breathed in the scent of clean skin as Iruka put his arms around his neck. ( _It would be a bonus. But don’t push yourself, locations can be gathered through interrogation._ )

“Are you sure about tonight?” 

“Yes,” Iruka nodded. 

“We’ve never done this before. It’ll be difficult.”

“It’s all right, Endo-san. I’ll do my best for you.”

Leaning in then, Iruka kissed Kakashi’s lips softly, like a lover would, and The Great Copy Nin felt himself slowly melting, his feelings burning, pushing him to the edge of sanity. 

“I know you will.”

Iruka kissed him again. It was like he was taunting, daring Kakashi to try and remain under control.

It wasn’t fair. Kakashi’s restraint was so far gone it was in another time zone.

He sat forward and gently pulled at Iruka’s shirt, leaving soft kisses on exposed skin. He felt along the other man’s back, tracing the line of cuts he had inflicted the night before. It was wrong, he knew it was. As he did it, Kakashi hated himself. This was not part of the mission, nor was it comfort for Iruka, he was taking advantage of the situation. This was not for anything but Kakashi’s own selfish desires, and it solidified just how much of a monster he truly was.

“Endo-san…” Iruka’s deep voice was husky. “Endo-san, we don’t have time.” ( _We really don’t._ )

“We have time.” Kakashi pulled Iruka’s shirt over his head, and thankfully, the sensei did not resist. In fact, Iruka pressed in closer, continuing to kiss him, running his hands up The Copy Nin’s jaw and further up into his hair. 

( _Are they expecting this?_ ) Iruka tapped on the back of his neck.

( _I don’t know._ ) Kakashi started to respond in code but he found he couldn’t remember how. So he spoke, breathing the words against Iruka’s lips. “You’re just very sexy right now and I can’t stop.”

Iruka pulled away and took Kakashi’s face in his hands. “Endo-san?” Their eyes met and Kakashi was sure his were pleading. It was all he could do to not start begging. Iruka studied him for a few seconds that went on so long in Kakashi’s head that he felt he would die. 

This was insane, he was using the fact that they were being monitored as leverage. They both knew it would be suspicious if Iruka refused now, and Kakashi was banking on that. The sensei would have to play along or it might jeopardize the mission. God, _the mission!_ He was _using the mission to bait Iruka-sensei into sex!_ This was it. Kakashi had finally crossed over into territory he could never come back from. He was worse than depraved, he was beyond sickening. 

He was vile.

Sure enough, because he had no choice, Iruka responded. The sensei held his gaze and slowly lowered his hands to the bottom of Kakashi’s shirt. He pushed it up slowly, sliding it over the Copy Nin’s chest, and then pulled it off when Kakashi lifted his arms.

When his hands returned to Kakashi’s jeans, Iruka slid his fingers underneath and tugged once, roughly. Kakashi groaned and lifted his hips, adjusting himself on the chair. He moved to undo the button, but Iruka’s voice was at his mouth.

“Stop,” he said firmly. Kakashi froze. The command in the sensei’s voice was unmistakable, even if it was sweet, like a request. 

“Hands off, please,” Iruka said softly, and Kakashi put his hands up. He wasn’t sure where to put them, so he just rested them on the arms of the chair. 

His heart was beating so fast, and his lungs were so tight. He had never experienced a switch before, not one that worked anyway. He had considered it a few times, but no sub he had ever known was capable of it. Of course, the obvious answer was that Iruka was not a true sub, he wasn’t even really into BDSM. Being dominant in sex was probably nothing new to the sensei at all. 

But how had they come to this now? How was this happening? Kakashi was aware he was very close to emotional exhaustion. Maybe this was his body and his mind finally just giving up and giving in. It was also possible that he just felt he could submit to Iruka because the feelings he had for the sensei were so strong. Either way, he didn’t know, and frankly at the moment, he didn’t give a damn. 

It was only fair, he supposed. Even if Iruka was going to take the lead, this was skirting the edge of non-consensual in the worst way. Kakashi knew he was going to pay for it later, not from Iruka, no he was too kind for that. No, Kakashi would have to answer to the cruelest judge of them all: himself. 

The sensei’s hands were on him and pulling him out of his jeans, stroking him hard and rough. Kakashi made some kind of pitiful noise and looked down, watching helplessly as Iruka jerked every last bit of his resistance away.

And then he was moving, up and off of Kakashi’s lap. The Copy Nin started to protest, but then realized, Iruka only stood so he could slide his jeans down over his hips. They puddled on the floor at his feet and he stepped out of them and back into Kakashi’s lap.

Shaking, Kakashi started to reach for him, but Iruka stopped him at the wrist.

“I said hands off, please.”

There was nothing Kakashi could do but obey, so he put his hands back on the armrests. Iruka came over him and spit unceremoniously into his hand and wet Kakashi’s length.

“That’s… going to be rough…” Kakashi whispered.

Iruka looked into Kakashi’s face and smirked. “I know.” Then he lowered himself, pressing Kakashi into him slowly. Kakashi writhed as the sensei came down, and then back up, and then down again. It was torture, going just a little bit at a time like that, and a little painful, but pain and sex was something Kakashi did well, and apparently, so did Iruka. The Copy Nin gripped the armrests with little regard to whether or not he tore the fabric. Iruka was hot and soft and the best thing Kakashi had ever felt. It was better than last night, so much better. It was perfect. 

He felt Iruka’s hand on his jaw and he looked up. The sensei’s lips ghosted over his and he whispered in that low, smooth voice that drove Kakashi wild.

“How do you want it?” 

Kakashi made another pitiful noise. “Any… uh… however you want it.”

“Hm,” Iruka hummed and kissed Kakashi’s lips, “All right.”

Iruka rode him fast and hard until sweat beaded their bodies and Kakashi’s voice was hoarse. He used The Copy Nin’s shoulders to support himself and pounded Kakashi’s body into the cushions with the power from his hips. Kakashi couldn’t think, he couldn’t even react. All he could do was be swept away by Iruka’s fierceness, his amazing sexuality, his intoxicating body. He could feel himself getting closer, climbing his way towards orgasm with every slap of flesh and quiet “ _ah!_ ” from Iruka’s lips. He didn’t realize he was talking, murmuring praises under his breath until the sensei clamped a hand over his mouth. It was a good thing, lest he start calling Iruka by his name or crying out “sensei”. Who knows, maybe he already had?

“You’re tightening up,” Iruka whispered, “are you gonna come?”

Kakashi clenched his teeth. He was, but he wanted it to last. He didn’t want it to be over yet.

“Yes,” he breathed, and his head fell back against the chair. Iruka took the opportunity and licked up his neck. “Aahh it feels good…” Kakashi moaned, “let me touch you.”

“Fine,” Iruka panted, “hold my hips. Pull me down on you.”

Kakashi seized the sensei’s powerful hips and did as he was told. He used the leverage to thrust up as well, which resulted in him going even harder and deeper into Iruka’s body.

“ _Ah!_ ” Iruka gasped, “ _Ah! Yes!_ ”

Everything started to coil like a spring, pleasure and pain and every last bit of sensation that was left, all wound together, tightening every muscle, and then released. Kakashi came hard, tensing, growling into a sweaty neck. He pulsed inside Iruka’s body, over and over, the pleasure filled his senses, blacked out his vision. For a handful of seconds he forgot who and where he was. 

When he opened his eyes, he found Iruka resting above him, panting, his hair damp and sticking to his neck. His skin was flushed. Once again, Kakashi was struck. Iruka was the most beautiful thing Kakashi had ever seen.

There was nothing else to do but kiss the sensei, so Kakashi sat forward and took the younger man in his arms. Their lips met clumsily, tiredly, but it was sweet. Iruka’s arms went around his neck and for one brief moment, Kakashi forgot the circumstances of their coupling. He forgot how this had been a terrible, stupid idea, and that he was now the most revolting of men ever to have walked the planet.

Then Iruka was tensing, pushing himself away, and everything came crashing back to reality. Kakashi had manipulated the sensei into doing this. Kakashi had forced him. _He had forced Iruka._

The sensei’s gaze stayed lowered as he ran fingers through his damp hair, most likely to busy himself with something other than looking at Kakashi. It seemed he was done indulging The Copy Nin’s repulsive needs, and was trying to find a way to escape without being suspicious.

“You all right?” Kakashi asked lamely, if only to get Iruka to look at him.

“Endo-san, I need to clean up.” Iruka’s reply was curt, almost cold. He said nothing else as he pulled himself off of Kakashi’s wilting sex and moved straight into the bathroom.

As the door started to click shut, Kakashi was jolted out of his stupor and he stood up. “Haru,” he said, and goddamnit if “Iruka” hadn’t almost escaped from between his lips. “Haru, stop, I’ll do it.” 

There was a knock at the door.

Kakashi froze. Really? Right now?

“One second.”

He took a deep breath and focused on slowing his heart rate. This was absolutely the worst time, but what was he supposed to do? They were still on a mission.

There was nothing he could do about his sweaty, disheveled appearance, but he did tuck himself back into his jeans and tried to fix his hair into a more fashionable disarray. 

Not surprisingly, it was Son Yang, and his meat slab of a bodyguard waiting when Kakashi opened the door. The Copy Nin folded his arms across his chest and made little effort to try and cover up the fact that their disruption was an annoyance.

“Evening, gentlemen.”

Son Yang bowed his head respectfully, “Good evening, Endo-san. I wanted to stop by and personally thank you for attending tonight and deciding to perform for us. Many of my associates know of you and your partner’s talents, but have never before had the pleasure of seeing them in person.” Yang’s eyes had strayed to Kakashi’s stomach, to the mess of Iruka’s cum glistening over hard lines of muscle.

Kakashi smirked and lifted one arm to lean against the doorframe. He posed, giving the two men a moment to look at the mess, think about what it meant. Then he ran a thumb through it and brought it to his lips, slowly sucking the saltiness from his skin. It was a possessive, gaudy thing to do, but at the moment, Kakashi did not care.

“Cool,” he said softly. “Is that all? We’re in the middle of… preparing, if you don’t mind.”

Son Yang smiled then and motioned to his guard. “No, we don’t mind at all. Again, thank you, Endo-san. And thank Haru-san as well. When you come out, there are three platforms set up for performers. You will have your pick, so please choose platform number two. It’s closest to my table.”

Kakashi straightened and gave Yang a quick bow before he shut the door.

Turning, Kakashi was surprised to find that Iruka had left the bathroom and was once again dressed, and watching him from the bar. The Copy Nin immediately wanted to apologize, beg forgiveness for acting so unprofessionally—so despicably—but something in the sensei’s manner stopped him. 

It was strange but, Iruka seemed… okay?

“That was quite a little show you put on, Endo-san,” Iruka said softly. What was that, was he _smirking?_

Frantically trying to regain his composure, Kakashi shrugged and covered up his uncertainty with the usual: bull shit. “He should know better, my love. Yang thinks because he has a lot of money and owns a lot of stuff he can do what he wants. 

I respectfully showed him that I am a professional Dom, and I don’t give a shit.”

That smirk turned into a full on smile and Kakashi’s knees almost buckled. What was happening? Didn’t Iruka understand what had just been done to him?

“Possessive Endo-san is my favorite Endo-san,” the sensei purred. What the hell was happening? Had the last fifteen minutes been a delusion?

“How are you, Haru?” Kakashi asked carefully. “I apologize that it was so rough right before a performance.”

Iruka shook his head and came closer. He even placed a hand on Kakashi’s chest. Maybe it really had been a dream? Some kind of genjutsu?

“I had to spend a few extra minutes cleaning up, but it’s a small price to pay. Besides, Endo-san, the way I remember it, the roughness wasn’t your idea.” With that, the sensei leaned in and kissed Kakashi softly on the mouth. 

Kakashi was done. He couldn’t keep up anymore. 

“Are you ready, Endo-san?”

Blinking, Kakashi tried to form words without drooling in himself. So much for an elite ninja.

“I need…” he licked his lips. Tried again. “I just need a quick rinse, then we’ll go.”

Iruka nodded and stepped aside so Kakashi could retreat into the bathroom.

The door closed behind him. The room spun a little, catching the Copy Nin off guard. 

Maybe none of this was real? Maybe they had finished the mission already but Kakashi had lost it and now he was somewhere in a mental institution gnawing on spoons and shitting his pants?

Turning on the cold faucet, Kakashi leaned over the sink and splashed some of the cool water on his face. He didn’t look in the mirror, he knew what he would see and he couldn’t bear it. At that moment, Kakashi found himself feeling very inferior. Whatever Iruka had done to separate himself from what was happening was incredible, and Kakashi wished he was strong enough to do it too.

* * *

Kakashi watched from behind the doorway as Iruka made his way out into the dining hall. He weaved his way between tables, nodding to diners here and there, distracting more than a few people, and derailing conversations almost everywhere he walked. The performers were expected to appear from behind the curtain at the far end of the hall, the area was situated behind the three performance platforms, an ideal way to make an entrance, but Iruka had suggested that their approach be more low key; a surprise. The people were expecting them to come from backstage, not from the same place the waters and kitchen staff were entering.

When the sensei came upon Son Yang’s table, he slowed, and waved his fingers at the meat slab bodyguard. The big man stared at Iruka with wide eyes. He was probably not accustomed to being addressed directly, or flirted with for that matter, while on duty in public. Son Yang found the performance entertaining and chuckled into his napkin. 

Baron Young was also seated at the table and he flinched when Iruka put a hand on his shoulder. The sensei used the Baron’s momentary agitation and slid his hand around the thick man’s throat. He teased, like it was a game, like he was pretending to strangle the Baron right there at the table, but then at the last moment, he released those thick jowls and placed a kiss on the Baron’s head.

Son Yang laughed again, but the Baron did not seem the least bit amused. 

Kakashi smiled behind his palm. Served him right. Bastard.

Iruka blew a kiss to Son, and winked at the meat slab before he turned and moved to another table. Kakashi watched Iruka’s hips, his thighs, his bare stomach as he danced his way through the room. He flirted, he smiled, he touched and played carefully, making sure to give Doms and Masters the opportunity to nod consent, or decline.

Not that anyone declined.

After a fifteen, maybe twenty minutes, there was movement behind the curtain. A tall man with short-cropped black hair made his way from backstage and out between the performance platforms. He was lean and muscular, with tattoos covering his arms and most of his back. His face was rough but handsome, and his dark eyes watched Iruka intensely. He had thick leather cuffs on both of his wrists, and a chain connecting the piercings in his nipples. 

This man was obviously the sub in one of the other performing duos. Kakashi had told Iruka this was a likely scenario. Another Dom might see “Haru’s” presentation and ask their sub if they wanted to play. It was a fun way to test boundaries and an easy way for the Doms to enjoy their subs from the sidelines. This sub had apparently been given permission to touch, and would proceed if “Haru” gave him consent. 

Iruka saw the man coming and beckoned him over with a wag of a finger. The sub moved in carefully, and stood a safe distance from where the sensei stood. He was several inches taller, wider, but his presence was not as intense, or as intimidating as Iruka’s was. Kakashi was very pleased with that. Iruka made for an amazing sub when he needed to be, but there was something about the way the sensei did not really submit to anyone else but Kakashi. Just the thought of it got The Copy Nin’s blood pumping a little faster. 

“Haru” reached out a hand and slipped a finger underneath the chain connecting the sub’s nipple rings. He tugged gently, once, getting the large man to move with him towards the platforms. Kakashi swallowed with difficulty as he watched Iruka’s skill, the way he controlled the other man with simple motions of his hands and sly twists of his hips. He was so pleased, and so proud, even though in the back of his mind, Kakashi knew he had nothing to do with it, really.

The sub was on his knees now, “Haru” stood with his back to him, their silhouettes to the crowd. There was no longer a dull murmuring of conversation. Almost every eye in the room was on the two subs and every heart was waiting to see what would happen.

“Haru” looked at the man over his shoulder, and tapped gently on his ass with a single finger. The sub shuddered and leaned in, kissing one cheek through the thin denim. “Haru” smiled and tapped the other cheek. The sub made a low sound and kissed that one as well.

Kakashi was hot. It was so hot, wasn’t there any air in the building?

“He is exquisite,” came a soft voice beside him.

Kakashi said nothing and continued to lean against the doorframe. Feigning disinterest was what he did best. Of course, he didn’t have his mask on. Shit.

“How long have you been together?” the soft voice continued. “How long was his training?”

Kakashi shrugged. “In my opinion, training never ends. His nor mine.”

“Hm, that’s a good way to look at things.”

Kakashi turned and found a small, blond man standing next to him. He was beautiful, light skin, bright blue eyes, and wearing a simple outfit of white trousers and a sleeveless, white tank. Tattoos covered his shoulders and neck, the patterns similar to his sub.

“Yours is quite the site as well,” Kakashi murmured. “His discipline is lovely.”

“Hm,” the man hummed again, “Kuro is a good boy. He’s been a mess today though, he’s wanted to meet Haru for a long time.”

Kakashi turned back to the stage where Haru was standing, hands on his hips, directing Kuro to kiss his feet.

“You know me and my partner, but I don’t have the pleasure of knowing your name.”

“I am called Fai, my lover is Kuro. We are not strictly performers. We mostly teach and train, and we are very exclusive.” 

“What made you decide to perform tonight?” Kakashi asked.

Fai shrugged. “Many of the people dining here tonight are former students of ours, or regulars at our lectures.”

Kakashi nodded. That was interesting, maybe this couple would be a good source of intel. Fai seemed genuine, and very in control. He was polite, complimentary and respectful. Competent. Definitely someone Kakashi would have liked to have in his circle if he was still into the lifestyle. 

Fai moved closer then, not enough to touch, but enough for Kakashi to feel the warmth of his body. “If you are interested, maybe we could exchange information and meet at a later date. I think Kuro would enjoy some time with Haru without the added stress of performance.” He moved still closer, his lips a mere a hair’s breadth from Kakashi’s ear. “I’m sure he would enjoy yours as well. The four of us could, no doubt, learn many things from each other.”

Kakashi turned and looked down at the smaller man. He was challenging, but still respectful. Dominant without being overbearing. And very attractive. The offer, in addition to the chemistry between Iruka and Kuro, tickled something inside Kakashi that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“I will speak to Haru,” Kakashi said softly. “I’m sure he will agree.”

Fai smiled. “I’ll find you afterwards then.” The man moved away and slipped back into the kitchen. “It was wonderful meeting you, Endo-san.”

Kakashi turned back to the dining hall, and watched as Iruka pushed Kuro onto his back on one of the tables. The diners had moved the plates and the decorations to the side, making enough room for the two men to perform directly in front of them.

Haru placed a knee on the table at Kuro’s hip. He climbed up and over the larger sub’s body, and settled down on a muscled chest. With simple, silent direction, Haru instructed Kuro to lay his arms flat, palms up. He then took two wine glasses, partially full, and placed them on the tips of Kuro’s fingers, one in each hand.

Smile widening, Kakashi moved slowly into the dining hall, trying to get a closer look. This had not been part of the plan, but as he had assured Iruka earlier, the sensei’s instincts were getting him through. 

Haru made a “shush” motion with his index finger against his lips, and then took another two wine glasses and stacked them on the first two. Kuro moaned, because of Haru’s excellent domination, or from the strain of balancing the four glasses, Kakashi was uncertain. It didn’t matter however, the scene was intense and beautiful already.  
Moving carefully, Haru backed up and turned to one of the diners. The man immediately gave up his unused wine glass when Haru indicated that he wanted it, and the scarred, beautiful sub held it out as the man filled it from the bottle on the table. Thanking him with a nod of his head, Haru then tipped it gently, pouring a few drops of wine onto Kuro’s stomach.

Kuro flinched, but did not move, not even as Haru leaned down and lapped up the wine slowly with his tongue and bottom lip. The diners around the table whistled and clapped softly as the glasses stayed where they were.

Kakashi was hard, craving the attention Iruka was giving Kuro, but of course now was not the time. He would make himself be seen, but he would stay as an observer. He didn’t want to break Iruka’s flow. The Copy Nin moved around the tables, following the wall towards the makeshift stage. He kept his eyes on Iruka’s back as he walked past Son Yang’s table, not giving him nor the Baron a second glance. They were not worth his time. When he neared the second platform, he set the bag he had been carrying on the floor, and then turned and sat. He leaned back, hands on the cushion, and enjoyed the looks he received from the diners that had noticed him.

Haru was still playing with Kuro, and the tattooed sub still had all four glasses balanced perfectly. There were laughs and quiet cheers from the surrounding tables as Haru fed Kuro bits of fruit from his own mouth, or ran cold strawberries over pierced nipples. The desperation in Kuro’s muscles and the look in his eyes was obvious, but it was also obvious that the man was infatuated. Kakashi couldn’t blame the poor man, he was too.

Finally, Haru took the glasses and placed them back on the table where he found them. Kuro sat up, sliding his hands over Haru’s hips, and gently kissed the smaller man on his jaw. Kakashi felt a rush of jealousy at that, the touch was much too intimate for his tastes, but he stayed where he was, focused on keeping every emotion he was feeling off his face.

He was able to calm his storm when Haru climbed off of Kuro’s lap and kissed both of the larger man’s hands. Haru said his goodbyes and turned to the platforms, and to where Kakashi was sitting. 

Kakashi watched the smile spread across that beautiful face, and wished with all his heart that the one smiling at him at that moment was Iruka. What he wouldn’t give to quit this terrible mission and just go home, take the sensei with him, and make love to him the way he deserved to be made love to. Normally, in a normal bed, spoiled and worshiped, waited on hand and foot. Loved and adored by Kakashi every minute of every day. 

But it was not Iruka, it was Haru that made his way towards him. It was Haru that licked the stray drops of wine from his wrist and watched him for a reaction. It was Haru that met him at the platform and dropped to his knees when Kakashi motioned for him to do so.

“My beautiful Haru,” Kakashi said, loud enough for the surrounding tables to hear, “I see you’ve been enjoying yourself.”

Haru smiled with mock embarrassment, “Not as much fun as Kuro-chan, I think.” A smattering of laughter from the onlookers accompanied Haru’s words. 

Kakashi turned to see Fai leading Kuro to the platform next to them. The couple was already intense, already in the beginnings of a scene. Fai had several straps and what looked like a whip thrown over his shoulder. Kuro was already whimpering, already delirious with happiness as his master laid him down on the cushions. He was murmuring something in a quiet voice, tears making their way down his cheeks from the corners of his eyes.

“Haru,” Kakashi said softly, “Let’s take a moment and watch this performance. I’m sure it will be lovely.”

“Yes, Endo-san.”

Kakashi moved back enough to give Haru plenty of room to climb up beside him. The Copy Nin stayed in the same position he had been in the entire time, relaxed, resting on his elbows. Haru posed beside him, hands caressing his shoulders, his cock within reach if Kakashi wanted to touch it.

“You did well,” Kakashi said, addressing both Haru and Iruka.

Iruka was the one that answered him. He lowered his head to nuzzle into the hair just above Kakashi’s ear. His hands smoothed down the Copy Nin’s back and chest at the same time.

“Endo-san,” Iruka said, his voice sure. 

“You will never believe what I found out.”


	7. Fire and Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the last chapter. I lied. I hit 9,000 words with no end in sight and decided to break it up. Enjoy.

Leather slapped against flesh and another small, pink welt appeared on tanned skin. Kuro moaned as Fai asked him again, softly, if he’d had enough.

“No, Master,” the slave breathed, “three more please.”

Kakashi watched as the whip curled and cracked again, a thin black streak, dancing in and out of the light as it was guided expertly into connecting three more times. Fai was patient, methodical, a pillar of control and experience. He commanded the room with a quick snap of his wrist, a small tilt of his head. 

The distraction was perfect, Kakashi could not have planned it better. All eyes were on the other performers, giving Iruka opportunity to report on what he had discovered.

The sensei had moved to kneel behind Kakashi, supporting The Copy Nin’s back. He ran his hands down Kakashi’s shoulders, his chest, touching and caressing, nuzzling into his hair and whispering into his ears. 

“It’s definitely drugs,” Iruka murmured, “highly potent stimulants. I don’t know where they get them, or what exactly they are, but I know where they are now.”

Kakashi was impressed, and surprised. “You know where they are?”

Sliding his hand over Kakashi’s collar bone, Iruka pressed his lips against a pale jawline. Kakashi tried to focus on the conversation—the mission—and not on what a pile of shit he was for loving the feel of Iruka’s lips.

“This is the unbelievable part,” Iruka whispered, still focused, still on mission. “Fai-san and Kuro-chan are some kind of mules.”

Startled, Kakashi closed his eyes. Fai’s cock had just slid into Kuro’s mouth and it was distracting.

“Wait, how is that possible? Hauling is dangerous even without the extra physical stress. Aren’t they worried about accidentally overdosing?”

Iruka made a noise against his throat. “I don’t know, I don’t understand how it works. I only had a few minutes to talk to Kuro about it. He seemed willing to tell me about it though, maybe we could get them alone after—”

“I’ve already spoken to Fai,” Kakashi said softly. He opened his eyes to watch the conclusion of the scene. “He’s already expressed interest in meeting after the banquet.”

Iruka seemed to pause for a fraction of a second, his fingers frozen on Kakashi’s biceps. “Oh…” he murmured. 

Kakashi didn’t know what that meant, and he didn’t know how to respond, so he adjusted his weight and lifted a hand to take Iruka’s.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I won’t let either of them touch you if you don’t want. You don’t have to do anything.”

Iruka seemed to relax a little and Kakashi’s heart panged with every beat afterwards. It was so easy to feel possessive when the sensei did that. It was so easy to pretend that Iruka didn’t want anyone else, he only wanted Kakashi. The Copy Nin’s head knew that was ludicrous, but his heart would not listen.

They were quiet as they watched the scene. Kakashi felt Iruka’s arms tighten around him periodically, especially when Kuro’s moans became true cries of pain. He felt the sensei shudder when Fai’s voice grew husky and low. Then Iruka’s breath left his chest in a stuttered rush when Fai came over Kuro’s shaking frame and guided the larger man into his body.

“What is it, Haru?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka’s hands were unsteady as they ghosted back over Kakashi’s shoulders. “Fai-san is the Dominant… but he’s the bottom…”

Kakashi nodded.

Taking a breath, Iruka spoke in a voice Kakashi could hardly hear. “I feel stupid thinking about it now, but I guess I didn’t realize...”

The Copy Nin smiled, “The rules of Dominance and submission are pretty universal, but the ways in which they are conducted are infinite.”

Fai’s words were soft but demanding, and Kuro moaned worshipful endearments with every roll of his Master’s hips. 

“Yeah,” Iruka breathed, “I’m beginning to understand that…”

The scene was reaching its peak. Fai worked it with a seasoned hand, taking the onlookers along for the ride. Kuro’s cries were becoming clipped and his breath ragged. Several in the audience had stood, or had begun talking quietly to their subs or slaves. The pressure in the room built in tandem with the passion on the platform. Kakashi felt the tension coil through Iruka’s body; the sensei’s erection against his lower back.

Kakashi also felt his own arousal mounting. The heady air of the platforms had finally gotten to him and he sat forward so he could run his hand down Iruka’s thigh. He knew the sensei would perform, and he would perform perfectly, because that was the kind of shinobi—the kind of man—Iruka was. However, Kakashi knew that even though the pull of the scene was hard to resist, it was not very likely that Iruka _wanted_ to do what came next, not after what had already been done to him earlier. 

But even after knowing that, even after understanding and coming to terms with everything shitty that he was, every little terrible, dirty piece and foul part of him, Kakashi still wanted Iruka more than anything. 

The sensei’s body came around him, his lips trailed across Kakashi’s chin. Then, once again, he did something Kakashi had not expected.

“Endo-san,” his voice was breathy, unsteady.

“Hm?” Kakashi turned his head and met with Haru’s flushed face.

“Endo-san. I can’t watch the rest.”

A shiver rocketed through The Copy Nin’s body. He tried to cover up his unbalance by lifting a hand to Haru’s cheek.

“Why, my lovely, Haru. Why can’t you watch the end? It’s the best part.”

Haru shook his head and leaned in close. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I can handle it… Please, Endo-san.”

There were eyes that had strayed from the performing couple and were locked on Haru. The tremble of the sub’s body and the hot flush of his skin was attracting attention. A perfect addition to the scene. Kakashi knew a responsive sub like this was what most craved, and those eyes that were on Haru now had no doubt been watching him on and off since the scene had started.

Kakashi didn’t know if this was part of Iruka’s plan, or if the power of Fai and Kuro’s scene had actually gotten to the sensei, but in that moment, it didn’t matter.

Leaning back, Kakashi made a small motion with his head. 

“Thank you, Endo-san,” Haru sighed and curled around him. He undid the button and jerked down the zipper of The Copy Nin’s jeans. He wasted no time teasing the audience and immediately slipped his lips over Kakashi’s length. His mouth was soft and wet, sucking slowly, carefully. His hand stroked meticulously, his throat resonated in a low hum that moved through Kakashi’s body all the way to his soul.

The sensei’s singlemindedness, whether it was a performance or not, turned Kakashi’s already hot blood into fire. He burned slowly from the inside out, his heart starting to pump violently inside the cage of his chest. Suddenly, he was using every bit of shinobi training he could remember, every little technique he had ever heard of to try and keep what he was feeling off his face. This was not a time to lose it. That would be more than irresponsible, it could mean life or death for both them.

Luckily, he didn’t have to pretend for much longer.

“Ah… good boy,” Fai sighed, “good boy, Kuro. Lie back… that’s it. Lie back, my sweet.”

The audience was gathering their wits as the performing couple came down from their climax. Most had started applauding loudly, others were talking excitedly in low tones, a few subs were crying very softly. Kakashi had a moment to be disappointed that he missed the end, but then Haru pulled off of him and licked his cock from base to tip.

It was about time they started. 

Kakashi threaded his fingers into the hair on the back of Haru’s neck. He pulled just enough to get the other man to stop. Dark eyes came up to meet his and Kakashi had to bite his tongue to keep a moan from escaping his throat.

Those eyes were not Haru’s. That mischievous shine and that rebellious, almost cheeky, look was all Iruka. 

Thus far, it had been easy for Kakashi to think of this man as Haru when it suited him. When Kakashi was doing the things he couldn’t see Iruka doing, or when Kakashi himself was doing something that he felt guilty doing to Iruka, it had been natural for him to substitute in Haru. Had it been to ease his guilt? To perform his own, fucked-up, Kakashi brand of mind partitioning? 

Whatever the reason, it was now completely shattered by the force of Iruka’s gaze. He was done placating Kakashi’s personal desires. He was done letting Kakashi take whatever he wanted and then blaming it on the mission. The sensei had figured out the game and apparently, he was finished playing. 

Haru was gone.

Only Iruka, powerful, defiant, beautiful, Iruka remained. 

And now everything was going to be so much harder. 

“Go,” The Copy Nin commanded, and he was shocked that his voice did not shake. 

Iruka wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and nodded. He stood, and moved to stand in front of the platform. Kakashi’s heart was heavy and his ego was crushed, but he tucked himself back into his jeans and sat up straight. He then leaned down to open the small duffle he had brought with him onto the stage. 

The audience had started applauding in full as Fai had helped Kuro sit up. Now the two of them were standing, with Kuro only leaning against Fai for minor support, and bowing their heads graciously.

“Thank you,” Fai’s voice was still calm and cool as ever and the crowd quieted to listen to his words.

“We are honored to have been part of your celebration. Hopefully, you all will enjoy the next performance as much as Kuro and I will.”

A few more cheers rang out as Fai and Kuro exited, and Kakashi wondered where they were going that they would be able to watch. Possibly the balcony. The Copy Nin made a note to check later. 

When the cheers died down, Kakashi turned to look at his partner. Iruka was standing, facing the crowd, body relaxed, hands at his sides. 

“Haru, my love. Take off your clothes.”

Without hesitation, Iruka unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his thighs. As the denim pooled on the floor around his feet, Kakashi tried not to think about how they had looked just like that on the floor of their room only a little more than an hour ago. 

When Iruka straightened, an appreciative murmur ran through the audience, and Kakashi felt smug.

“Turn around, Haru. Show them what I did to you last night.”

Iruka turned around and lifted his arms. He rested one over his head and the other at the nape of his neck. The stance pulled muscle groups, shaping the lines of his back into something exquisite.

There were gasps and a few quiet whimpers at the sight of those perfect cuts on either side of Iruka’s ribs. They were already healing, and were now just small, red lines against a backdrop of creamy, tanned skin. 

“How do they feel?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka sighed and arched a little. “They itch, Endo-san. I can feel them under my clothes.”

“Good.”

Bending to take a container from the duffle bag, Kakashi motioned with his head to the platform.

“Hands and knees, my love. Ass facing the audience.”

Iruka moved. “Yes, Endo-san.”

As Iruka climbed onto the platform, Kakashi turned away purposely to distract himself from getting caught up in watching as the sensei arched and spread himself for everyone to see. If he watched that, The Copy Nin knew he would probably forget what he was doing. Elite shinobi or not.

So instead, he watched the reactions of the crowd, smirked at the wide eyes and tongues that flicked over lips, and winked at a sub who was already wiping away tears as they trailed down his cheeks. 

Kakashi opened the container and dropped the lid back into the duffle bag. Then he reached in and pulled out a partially melted ice cube. He brought it to his lips and ran his tongue over the smooth, cylinder shape. 

“Haru, mu love,” he said clearly.

“Yes, Endo-san,” Iruka murmured.

“Tell everyone whose idea this was.”

Iruka arched and looked over his shoulder towards Yang’s table. Kakashi almost grinned as Son Yang’s meat slab trembled ever so slightly.

“It was mine, Endo-san.”

Kakashi hummed in approval and slipped the ice cube in, and then back out, of his mouth.

“Tell them why you wanted to do this.”

“Because,” Iruka’s back bowed as the sensei stretched out his arms and slid lower onto the cushion, “It’s going to feel very, very good at first, but then it will slowly start to hurt.”

“How much will it hurt?”

“A lot.”

Kakashi found himself shaking as he turned back to Iruka and asked. “Why, my love, did you choose something that will hurt so much?”

With that, the sensei slowly pulled himself back up, staying on his knees but keeping them spread, he straightened. He twisted his body and turned to look directly at Kakashi. His eyes were bright, his face flushed as he spoke, and Kakashi could almost taste his own heartbeat.

“Because I want to show them that there is nothing you can do to me that I don’t love.”

A tremor ran through the crowd, through the room; possibly the very ground the hotel was built on. Everything seemed to shudder at Iruka’s words. Or perhaps it was just Kakashi’s heart, and his body, and his soul, collapsing underneath Iruka’s sexuality.

Kakashi ran the ice cube once more over his tongue.

“Knees and elbows, my love.”

Arched, spread out, and open to the crowd, Iruka moaned softly as Kakashi pushed the first ice cube inside. It went easy, slipping past that dark pucker. Kakashi followed it with his finger, pressing it in all the way to the third knuckle.

“How does it feel?” he asked. 

“Good,” Iruka replied simply. “Thank you, Endo-san.”

Kakashi lifted another ice cube from the container and ran it over his tongue. A small trickle of water ran from the tips of his fingers, down his wrist, and dropped onto Iruka’s skin. The sensei gasped and made a small noise as it ran down his taint and across his sack.

The second ice cube went in easy like the first.

And the third. 

With each cube, Kakashi asked if it was good, and Iruka said yes, and thanked him. After five, the sensei started rocking back against Kakashi’s fingers, groaning softly, praising his master’s skill.

“It’s so good, Endo-san,” he breathed, “It’s so cold. Ah, it makes your fingers feel hot.”

There was murmuring through the crowd as several subs started to moan and plead. No doubt after watching Fai and Kuro’s amazing display, the building of the new scene was too much for them. Kakashi smirked and reached for Iruka’s jaw.

“Haru, love…” he whispered.

Iruka turned to look at him and smiled as Kakashi offered him an ice cube. He slipped it between his lips and rolled it over his tongue before pushing it back out and holding it between his teeth for Kakashi to take back.

Kakashi pushed five more inside. Ten. Iruka’s moans were getting louder, his skin had started to glisten with a fine sheen of sweat. 

“Haru,” Kakashi said as he slipped another cube inside, “how does it feel?”

“Ah…” Iruka was shaking, his fists were clenching in the fabric of the cushions. “I… it feels full. Overwhelming, Endo-san.”

“Are you in pain?”

Iruka shook his head. “No, not yet. It’s just… Ah, Endo-san, how many more are there?”

“Three.”

“Mmm…” his breath was heavy as he pressed his face into the cushion. “Endo-san, I want the rest, please.”

Kakashi heard someone in the audience moan. He didn’t blame them, he ached to touch Iruka’s skin, pull the sensei against him and bite all the parts of him that were slick with sweat, shining under the spotlights.

Those last three ice cubes went in with a little bit of resistance. Kakashi pushed the last one in with his thumb. Iruka groaned loudly, hissing through his teeth as The Copy Nin stuffed him gently.

The empty container returned to the bag, and Kakashi slid a hand over Iruka’s shoulder.

“Straighten, my love.”

Iruka pushed up on his hands and slowly lifted his body. When he came close to upright, he faltered for a moment, whimpering. Kakashi caught him with an arm and gently pushed him up the rest of the way. The sensei’s back arched and his head fell back, his hands grasping at Kakashi’s wrist.

“Now, how does it feel?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka made another noise that shook The Copy Nin’s core and rattled his bones. His cock was already so hard from watching Iruka’s slowly tensing body, but it throbbed almost painfully at the sound of the sensei’s voice. 

“Haru,” Kakashi said firmly, “How does it feel now?”

“Ah…” Iruka breathed, closed his eyes, slowly calming himself. “It hurts.”

Kakashi’s heart tore itself to pieces. Iruka was so fucking perfect, so fucking beautiful. Even if this was all just a performance, even if it was all pretend and Iruka hated every single part of it, that didn’t make him any less than the most amazing thing Kakashi had ever seen. 

Why had he gone and screwed it all up? Why had he been so stupid? If only, just this once, he had done things differently… Maybe if he hadn’t let his body and his terrible, selfish, feelings make decisions for him, Kakashi might have had a chance.

He bit his tongue. As the coppery taste of blood filled Kakashi’s mouth, he focused. He was a goddamn Konoha shinobi, and he would get this finished, even if it did cost him what was left of his heart.

“Turn and face your fans, Haru.”

* * *

The audience had already been through so much, Fai-san and Kuro’s performance had left more than a few subs finished for the night. Their Dominants and Masters hid their faces in their chests or laps. The tension in the room was beyond high, it was past high and had moved through uncomfortable and had entered beautifully, exquisitely _painful_.

Endo-san spoke softly, but his words carried through the ambient mic system so all could hear his questions, his commands. Haru’s cries had turned from small whimpers into all out moans of discomfort, and then evolved into low cries of pain. 

Everything was painful. It was painful to watch and to listen—to just be in the room. _And it was so perfect._

The ice inside Haru had long since melted, but the incredible sub had held the water inside him, even as he ached. Even as he was struck with the flogger in Endo-san’s hand. He stood straight and proud, hands laced behind his neck, eyes closed in concentration as he was beaten slowly. 

How did he do it? How did he have this much control?

“Haru, my love,” Endo murmured. His breath was coming quicker now, and sweat ran from his temples. 

“Y…yes, Endo-san?”

He was shaking so hard it was shaking the sweat from the tips of his elbows. Haru’s whole body glistened under the lights. He shone.

“You are stuffed, cramped, and bleeding,” Endo-san said, and his power was captivating. “Do you think you can come?”

Haru breathed out through his teeth. His eyes stayed closed. 

“I don’t know, Endo-san.”

“Could you do it if I asked you to? If I wanted you to?”

With that, Haru’s body tightened. He stood straighter.

“Yes. Yes, Endo-san. I can do it.”

Another wave of heavy arousal swept through the crowd. Never had anyone seen such a powerful sub. He had so much resilience, so much control, it was staggering.

Endo-san dropped the flogger and came to stand behind Haru. He slid his hands over his sub’s hips and took his half-hard length in his palm. It took a mere handful of seconds to work Haru back to a full erection, and the sounds he got for his handiwork were almost as rewarding as his ultimate goal.

“Keep your hands at your neck,” Endo-san commanded. 

“Yes, Endo-san.”

“Hold in the water as long as you can.”

“Y-yes, Endo-san.”

He was crying now, lost in his submission as Endo-san coaxed him to climax. The pale hand on his length was expert, just shy of violent. The other splayed over his lower abdomen where the water cramped his insides. It was so beautiful, so perfect. And then—

“Haru, are you going to come?”

“Yes!” Haru cried, “Yes, Endo-san!”

“Hold it in until you do, then you can let it go if you want.”

Haru’s cries turned into soft wails of pain as he arched against Endo-san’s body. Everything in the room went still, the tension mirroring the coming peak of Haru’s climb toward completion. Every eye was on him, every breath waited in anticipation. 

“I can feel it, Haru, my love,” Endo-san breathed. “Come for me. Let go, I’ll catch you.”

Haru’s jaw clenched and his teeth bared. Already closed eyes squeezed shut even tighter, and then he leaned back into Endo-san. He let out one last beautiful cry, and came. Softly, perfectly, ropes of silky white splashed over Endo-san’s slowing hand. The audience reacted instantly. Cries of conclusion, gasps of relief, and murmurs of approval all flittered through the crowd.

Endo-san caught his sub as his legs gave way. He tucked his arm underneath the other man’s legs and lifted him. His strength was incredible. The handsome Dominant gave one polite, formal nod to the crowd, and moved away, taking Haru back behind the curtain.

The audience’s applause were thundering when Kuro turned to Fai, his face hot and his hands trembling slightly.

“Haru didn’t let go of the water…” he said softly.

Fai nodded, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

“No he didn’t.”

Chest tight, heart beating rapidly, Kuro ran his hand over his Master’s thigh. “They are so strong.”

Nodding, Fai adjusted in Kuro’s lap. 

“I’ve never seen anything like them before.”

Intrigued, Kuro ran a few soft kisses along his Master’s spine. He hurt everywhere, his skin burned from the whip, but it was lovely. Master had not whipped him in a long time.

“Are they coming to see us?”

“I had a note sent to their room,” Fai said softly. He ran his hand along the balcony railing and adjusted himself again, effectively sliding the clef of his ass down Kuro’s hard length.

Kuro closed his eyes. His Master was in such a teasing mood tonight.

“Do you truly think they will be able to help us?” he asked.

He heard his Master sigh, felt the air leave his thin body.

“I hope so, love. I truly hope so.”

* * *

“Endo-san, put me down,” Iruka said softly. “Please, please now!”

Barely through the door, Kakashi placed Iruka gently on the floor, and watched as the sensei moved stiffly into the bathroom. The door did not close, but Iruka had shut it most of the way, indicating that he wanted privacy at least for a moment. 

The shower turned on, and Kakashi heard the dispersal of water as Iruka stepped under the spray. He turned away and tried not to listen as the sensei groaned. He wasn’t sure if it was in relief or in pain, but he knew it was good, and he didn’t want to interrupt just yet.

Kakashi was in a state. Not that this was particularly new, given the last few days and his pension for being a complete asshole, but it was a new and different kind of state and The Copy Nin was having trouble with how to handle it. 

This time, Iruka had chosen the scene. He had created it, planned it, and told Kakashi how he had wanted it to go down. Kakashi had only made minor adjustments here and there, to keep it in line with what Endo and Haru were known for doing. Then it had happened, it had been successful, and of course, Kakashi had loved it. How could he not?

However, herein lay the problem. Kakashi’ black, disgusting, traitorous heart was telling him that this time, it was okay to love it. This time it had been Iruka’s idea, he had brought everything that had happened upon himself and Kakashi was not to blame for any of it. He even had a right to have enjoyed it. 

But then his head, his shinobi training, and what little sense he had left had screamed. This was no different than any of their other scenes. In fact, this made him even _more_ of a monster for enjoying it. Iruka was doing his job— _his duty_. He had pulled recon by himself and had acquired more than adequate information, on top of creating a perfect scene that would win the hearts and minds of the entire community for decades. What had Kakashi done? Watched is what he had done. In other words: nothing.

This mission was shit. _He_ was complete shit and he deserved to be demoted. Stripped of rank and forced to work gate guard for the rest of his miserable life. 

Sighing, The Copy Nin turned back to the bathroom and slowly unbuckled his pants. Even if the mission was shit and he was foul and undeserving of anything more than a good gang beating, he knew he still had to join Iruka in the shower soon as not to invite suspicion. 

The sensei was leaning against the tiled wall when Kakashi pulled the curtain aside. His hair was plastered to his face and his skin was red from the scalding water.

“How do you feel?”

Iruka nodded, “Better, Endo-san. It doesn’t hurt at all now. Well, besides my back.”

Kakashi moved to inspect where the flogger had left heavy red lines across Iruka’s lower back and thighs. They were beautiful, marring his skin with the kind of unorganized chaos that can only be achieved with thick floggers. Perfect lines were good when it came to whips and crops, but with something like a nine-tales or any multi whip, the patterns were a unique and lovely surprise each time.

“It looks good,” he said simply. 

Iruka smiled softly and looked at him. His eyes were tired, but still defiant. 

“Thank you, Endo-san…”

Kakashi was beaten.

“The water is too hot,” he said softly. “I know it feels good, but you need something cooler on your back. Here, turn around.”

He adjusted the water temp and guided the sensei to face the opposite wall. Iruka did as he was instructed, compliant, but his face betrayed how completely _not_ submissive he felt at that moment. 

“Do you need anything?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka’s eyes were clear, burning when he looked right at Kakashi. 

“Wash my hair?”

The tone of Iruka’s voice was not a surprise, but the shiver that rocketed down Kakashi’s spine was. 

Iruka might not have been submissive or truly compliant at that moment, but Kakashi was. It felt right after everything he had put Iruka through, and now with his feelings in turmoil about how he should be feeling about what just happened. Saying nothing, Kakashi stepped into the tub and stood facing Iruka. He took the shampoo from the rack and poured some into his hand. 

“This will hurt your back.”

Iruka’s shoulders twitched in the smallest fraction of a shrug. “I don’t care, I’m sweaty.”

Kakashi obeyed and ran his fingers through Iruka’s hair. He lathered the generic, chemically smelling shampoo through heavy, brown tresses and then tilted Iruka’s head back into the spray. He kept his movements superficial, professional, like he had when he had cleaned the cuts on the sensei’s back. Iruka closed his eyes and let Kakashi work. He said nothing, apparently enjoying The Copy Nin’s attention to his cleanliness.

“Do you want some time alone? Or would you like me to get you a towel?” Why was he asking? Why had he switched the decisions completely over to Iruka? What was happening to him?

“I’d like a towel, please.”

Kakashi nodded and turned off the water. He stepped out of the tub and grabbed one of the rough, white towels from the rack above the toilet. Iruka stepped out behind him and stood waiting. Apparently he wanted Kakashi to dry him off.

This was such a different dynamic than Kakashi was used to, but for some reason, probably because it was Iruka, it seemed right. Comfortable.

Ten minutes later, the two of them were dry and dressed. They stood in the kitchen together, staring down at a sealed note that had been left with their clothes. The handwriting was small and neat, not one that either of them recognized.

“Interesting…” Iruka said, his eyebrow cocked. 

Kakashi took the note and opened it. He read aloud:

 

_Endo and Haru,_

_We were sure that your performance would impress us, and we_  
were not disappointed. If you are still interested in meeting with  
us privately, Kuro and I have changed locations. We have rented  
room 1304 above the club Tic Tac Toe. I suggest you take the fire  
exit and walk. Otherwise, our meeting might not be so private. 

_Looking forward to getting to know you better,  
Fai and Kuro_

 

Kakashi refolded the letter and looked at Iruka. The sensei shrugged and motioned to the door.

As they made their way down the hall, two men in suits and nametags met them before they reached the lobby. 

“Endo-san, Haru-san. That was most impressive.”

Kakashi inclined his head and put an arm around Iruka’s shoulders. The sensei leaned into him.

“Thank you, gentlemen. If you would excuse us, Haru and I are going to step out for some air. Can you please direct us to a more… private exit?”

The men nodded and motioned down another corridor.

“Of course. There is a staircase on the right at the end of the hall. Fire escape. If you leave that way, you will not be bothered by patrons or members of the club.”

Kakashi inclined his head again. “Thank you.”

The air outside was cold, but it felt good against Kakashi’s skin. He chanced a quick, sideways glance at Iruka, who closed his eyes and breathed in deep. The sensei still had his arm linked with Kakashi’s but, surprisingly, The Copy Nin felt more like the one being led than the one leading.

They asked the first person they saw where _Tic Tac Toe_ was, and found it was only one street over and around the corner. Convenient.

“Well,” Iruka said, “we’re either walking into a terribly obvious trap, or I’m going to have to think of another way to play with that poor Kuro.”

Kakashi chanced another sideways glance. “You’re okay with that?”

Iruka nodded. “I… like them. I don’t know. Something about them…”

Kakashi nodded. He had felt it too. 

_Tic Tac Toe_ was another fetish club, but less exclusive than the ones they had visited previously. The majority of people were decked out in fetish gear, but there was a large number of folks that seemed relatively normal. The music was more mainstream, and there was no open nudity.

Until they climbed the stairs to the second floor.

“May I help you?” A receptionist behind the large desk pushed his—or possibly her—glasses up their nose. 

“We have friends staying in room 1304.”

“Ah yes,” the receptionist smiled, “We have been expecting you. Sherlock and Watson, I presume?”

Kakashi felt Iruka snicker at his side.

“Yes,” he said.

“Sign here.”

Kakashi leaned over the book and signed his name next to _Bonnie and Clyde_ , smiling at Iruka’s mirth.

“Thank you,” he said as he straightened.

“My pleasure. Room is up those stairs on the end. Please enjoy.”

As they climbed the stairs, Kakashi heard muffled cries behind more than one closed door. Iruka stayed at his side, not in the least frightened, but doing an excellent job of shadowing him just in case this was indeed a trap.

Room 1304 was unassuming. A plain red door against the gold and red pattern of the wallpaper surrounding it. Kakashi glanced down the hall the way they had come, and then looked at Iruka.

“Ready,” the sensei said.

Kakashi nodded, and knocked once before he turned the nob, and entered.

Fai sat in a cushioned chair in the middle of the room. Kuro was at his side on the floor, his hands folded neatly in his lap. The small, blond Master smiled as they entered and he took a sip from his glass. The door closed with a click.

He then greeted them in a calm, soft voice.

“Welcome, shinobi.”

TBC


	8. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick author's note: For those of you that have noticed my other couple is named after two badass dudes in another great anime, please be aware that this is not a crossover. These two characters are BASED on those other two. In this story, they may resemble those dudes physically, and there are facets of their relationship that are similar, but I cannot stress enough that they are just regular people.
> 
> And with that, please enjoy.

Kakashi’s stance changed almost instantly. Iruka was on the defensive almost as fast. The two stood at the door, calculating escape routes and cataloguing potential weapons throughout the room. 

Fai however, merely smiled, and Kuro made a noise in the back of his throat and folded. The sub lowered himself into seiza, curling his fingers into the carpet.

“What is this?” Kakashi asked.

Fai set his glass on the stand next to his chair and raised his hands in surrender.

“Please give us a moment to explain. We are not your enemies.”

Kakashi wanted to believe that, he really did, but they had come too far and had gone through too much to be foiled now. 

“Please don’t take it personally if I don’t believe you.”

Fai nodded at that. “If you two have been working at this for as long as we think you have, it’s understandable that you don’t trust us.” He lowered a hand and touched Kuro’s back. “Kuro, love, stand.”

The sub did as he was told. He straightened and got to his feet, but his eyes stayed on the floor. He looked genuinely distressed.

“I don’t feel anything from them,” Iruka said softly.

Kakashi nodded. If they were shinobi as well, they hid it better than anyone The Copy Nin had ever encountered. 

“How did you know?” Kakashi asked, there was no point in dancing around it.

“We have worked with—taught enough shinobi to see the subtle differences between you and normal people.” Fai’s hand had lifted from the chair and was running a finger gently down Kuro’s thigh. “There are… ways you move, ways that you watch others, that make it quite obvious when you know what you are looking for. And, gentlemen, I am confident when I say that I am an _expert_ in body language.”

There was truth in his words, Kakashi could hear it. Apparently, so did Iruka. The sensei had dropped his offensive stance somewhat and had moved to stand at Kakashi’s side.

“What do you want from us?” the sensei asked. 

Fai seemed to struggle for a moment, as if he was trying to move but could not. Kuro answered for him, his eyes still on the floor, his shoulders slumped.

“Master cannot answer you. They’ve done something to us.” 

Kakashi felt a hand on his arm and he turned to find Iruka watching Kuro intently. “You’ve been sealed?”

Kuro seemed confused for a moment, but then he forced a nod. His body was strained, as if he was being held by invisible bonds. Small beads of sweat had formed on his temple and the skin at his collar bones shone.

“We cannot speak of what is happening, or how we are involved… but it seems I can if… if…”

The sub trailed off, his eyes wide. He looked at his Master for help and Fai reached out his hand to take Kuro’s.

“It seems Kuro’s training is ingrained enough that it overrides…” he stopped to think for a moment, “…whatever this is. I cannot… Don’t ask me, ask Kuro. But it has to be…” he stopped again. A mixture of anger and fear crossed his features for a moment before it was gone again.

“A scene,” Kuro said, and he looked up at Iruka pleadingly. “It has to be an intense or painful scene.”

Kakashi looked at Iruka and the sensei met his eyes. 

“I think I get it,” Kakashi said.

Iruka nodded. “They’re sealed. Fai can’t speak about anything that’s being done to them, but Kuro…”

“Kuro can if he’s under,” Kakashi finished. “He can answer direct questions if they’re commands. Part of a scene.”

Iruka let out a breath. “That’s why he answered my questions so readily in the banquet hall.”

Kakashi nodded. “We’ll need to do this quickly, there’s no doubt about them being watched now, but if we make it look like a playdate, there’ll be less suspicion.”

Iruka turned and spoke to Kuro. “All right, let’s find out what’s going on.” 

Both Fai and Kuro sighed in relief.

* * *

The room was luxurious, to say the least. Fai and Kuro were either regular patrons of this particular club, or they had enough money to spare in splurging for the accommodations. Kakashi figured it could be either.

The walls were a deep burgundy, the sparse furniture was a mixture of browns and greys. Everything was coordinated but the bed, which was black with white sheets. Across the room was a cabinet and several chests, open, and holding various toys, crops, and whips. Spreader bars and slings hung from the walls, and several bar systems were collapsed and sat leaning against the opposite wall.

Aside from the devices for play, there was also a full kitchen, bathroom, and a few bookshelves. Iruka had busied himself with looking over every bound cover, his shoulders loose and his hands sitting easily in the pockets of his jeans.

“Haru?” Kakashi asked. They had silently agreed that they would keep calling themselves by their pseudonyms, just in case this was an elaborate trap. As unlikely as that seemed.

“I’m almost ready,” Iruka answered.

Kuro had requested that it be Haru questioning him. Pleaded might be a better word for it. It was a fair request, the two had already bonded earlier that night. What was Kakashi supposed to say? No?

Iruka had walked the room, inspecting the various devices, rifled through the cabinet and chests, sat on the bed and tested its bounce. He seemed to have a feel for what he wanted, he had just needed a moment to collect himself. Kakashi understood, this would be his first time in a scene as the Dominant.

Kuro stood waiting patiently in the center of the room, naked, hands folded, back straight. He seemed excited. Well, as excited as that stoic face could get anyway.

Kakashi had taken a seat beside Fai, and had taken the drink when Fai had offered him a glass. The Copy Nin felt a little helpless, lost. He trusted Iruka, he knew the sensei would be fine, but that did not stop him from wishing there was something he could do to help.

Finally, Iruka turned around. He motioned for Kuro with his hand.

“Come here, Kuro-chan,” he said softly.

The tall sub made a soft noise and moved to stand in Iruka’s space. The sensei ran a hand down Kuro’s cheek and touched his lips.

“What are your safe words?”

“‘Heartbeat’ to stop what is happening,” Kuro said softly, “‘feather’ to stop everything.”

Iruka nodded. “Are you strictly a top?” 

Kuro shook his head. “No.” 

“All right,” Iruka nodded again. “Please help me with this bar system.”

“Yes, Haru-san.”

“Just Haru, please.”

“Yes, Haru.”

Kakashi watched the two of them work, putting the bar system together. It was a simple setup, two bars, parallel to each other, one that sat at the level of Kuro’s waist, and the other far above his head. After wrist cuffs were connected to the higher bar, Iruka motioned towards the bookshelves.

“Kuro-chan, please bring me ten books. The smaller encyclopedias should work, they’re all the same size.”

“Yes, Haru.”

Kakashi found himself wanting to squirm in the chair. He itched to be a part of what was happening. He would not, however, interfere no matter how much he wanted to. He knew Iruka could do this. He believed in the sensei.

“He is wonderful,” Fai said quietly. “Has he always been a switch, or did you two learn to do that together?”

Kakashi made a noise that he hoped did not sound anything like he felt, and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. “He’s not really a submissive.” That wasn’t a lie, but it was not the complete truth either. 

“Hm,” Fai hummed, “that makes sense, given that this is a mission. How interesting. Had you two been together before this?”

Kakashi shook his head, “No.”

“Amazing…” Fai murmured.

Kakashi’s heart ached.

Their attention returned to the subs. Iruka had stacked the books into two piles below the bars. He had also blindfolded Kuro and was now helping him climb up onto the stacks. Standing on a stool, the sensei strapped the larger man into the cuffs hanging from the higher bar. 

Fai made a soft noise. “Excellent choice.”

“Hm?” Kakashi asked.

Fai motioned to the bar system. “The lower bar has an attachment peg. Kuro loves this kind of thing, the slow and steady torture.”

Kakashi’s attention returned to Iruka, who had fished a very large dildo from one of the chests. He moved to the lower bar and slid the dildo into the attachment peg. He tightened the clamps and moved away to survey his handiwork.

Blindfolded, Kuro stood on the two stacks of books, they were spread far enough apart to be just slightly awkward. His wrists were cuffed to the high bar, and the dildo sat clamped to the bar behind him. The length of that huge, silicone cock rubbed perfectly against the clef just above his anus.

Kakashi took a breath. Iruka was very… inventive.

“Kuro-chan,” Iruka said, and his voice was like smoke over water, “I’m going to put this dildo in you. If it hurts too much, I want you to tell me.”

Kuro’s breath was already ragged. “Yes, Haru.”

Popping a cap of lube, Iruka poured some into his hand and stroked the dildo once to spread it around. He then tossed the bottle aside and reached for Kuro’s hips.

“Get up on your toes,” he directed. “Good boy.”

Kuro moaned as the large dildo slipped past that first ring of muscle, but he stayed on his toes, keeping it from going any further. 

“Is it okay?” Iruka asked.

“Yes.” Kuro groaned above him. 

Iruka backed away and wiped his hands on his jeans. He turned to look at Fai with a content, knowing expression. Fai smiled over the rim of his glass at the sensei and nodded.

Kakashi willed himself not to make any noise. This was so hot, so intense, and it was _all Iruka_. His cock strained in his jeans, throbbing at the idea of Iruka doing this to him. It was frightening. This was the first time Kakashi had ever even considered the thought of letting someone dominate him in a scene like that. He had been in the submissive position once or twice, but it had been more of a learning experience, not because he had wanted to.

Now, he _wanted to_.

Iruka had moved to stand in front of Kuro. He folded his arms over his chest and was now watching the larger man struggle sweetly.

“Kuro-chan,” he said.

“Yes, Haru.”

“I’m going to ask you some questions. If I’m satisfied with your answers, I’ll reward you. Do you understand?”

Kuro’s back arched a little further, and the cuffs clinked against the bar.

“Yes.” 

“Good.” Iruka moved close and ran a hand down Kuro’s chest. He touched one of the nipple piercings gently with his fingers and Kuro made a small noise in the back of his throat.

“Did your Master pierce you?” Iruka asked.

Kuro nodded. “Yes.”

The sensei’s eyes seemed far away for a moment, lost in thought as he ran his hand over hard pecks and tightly packed abs. “Your tattoos are amazing. What do they mean?”

Shaking, Kuro spoke in a low voice, clear, and brimming with affection.

“They are places we have been that have moved us, or sayings we have heard on our travels that we embraced. Favorite things, expressions of love. We spend our anniversary every year adding something small.”

Iruka looked up at the larger man, eyes wide. “You did this yourselves?”

“Yes.”

Gaze lowering back to that decorated body, the sensei’s eyes turned from surprised, back to thoughtful, and then sad.

“That’s beautiful…” he said softly.

“Haru…” Kuro’s breath was coming a little harder now. He controlled it, but it was harsh from between his clenched teeth. “Are you satisfied with my answer?”

Kakashi shivered as Iruka’s lips turned up into a smile. 

“Almost,” the sensei said. “Earlier, you said something about you and your master being mules. Is that true?”

Kuro arched and nodded. “Yes.”

“What are you transporting?”

“Drugs.”

With that, Iruka knelt and tapped on the bottom of Kuro’s left foot. The tattooed sub lifted his leg and Iruka removed the top book from the stack. Then he moved to the other foot and did the same thing.

Kuro moaned again, and made a soft _ah!_ noise as his bodyweight pushed him down onto the dildo. He stayed on his toes, muscles shaking, as he tried to keep it from going too deep. 

The Copy Nin felt Fai tremble next to him. 

“Very good, Kuro-chan,” Iruka said softly. “What kind of drugs?”

“A special formula,” Kuro’s arms were already showing signs of strain. “I don’t really understand it. It’s synthesized it in a warehouse about three day’s journey from here.”

“Remarkable,” Fai murmured. 

Kakashi was uncertain if he had meant Kuro, Iruka, or the scene in general, so he merely nodded in reply. He still could not speak, or at least he wouldn’t, not with the looming threat that he could fall apart at any moment hanging over his head.

The sensei knelt and removed another layer of books, Kuro keened softly as the dildo slid further into him.

“Kuro-chan, you’re doing very well,” Iruka’s voice had become less demanding, more gentle, coaxing. He straightened and ran both his hands down a tattooed chest. “How do you transport it?”

Kuro’s body was glistening with sweat. It poured from beneath the blindfold, down his neck, back, and thighs. It dripped onto the floor at Iruka’s feet. His cock was hard, straining above his shaven skin, precum beading at the tip.

“Ah… They inject it,” he panted. “It’s… specific places. Eight places. Over my heart, above my eyes… a line down my chest. The tattoos cover up the needle marks.”

Iruka frowned and glanced at Kakashi. The Copy Nin understood his confusion. That sounded like the eight tenketsu nodes that made up the eight gates. Did the drug have something to do with chakra?

As an idea came together in Kakashi’s head, Iruka stooped to tap Kuro’s foot and remove the next book from each side. Kuro gasped and went still as the dildo slid further up into him. The large man pointed his feet, put all of his strength into his toes, trying to keep the intrusion at bay, but his weight worked against him. The dildo stretched him wide, and he whimpered sweetly.

“Ah… Haru… Haru…”

“Yes, Kuro-chan?” Iruka’s voice had gone even softer, and Kakashi sat forward a little in his seat. He strained to listen, ached to hear the sensei’s words. 

“Haru…” Kuro gasped, “Please… please, it hurts…”

Iruka must have understood Kuro’s penchant for pain, because he moved in close and slid his hand over the man’s erection. Throwing his head back, Kuro made a sound almost like a wail, a sobbing growl that seemed to vibrate every fiber of Fai’s body.

“Gods in heaven…” Fai whispered, smiling.

Stroking slowly, Iruka raised his other hand and slid it up one of Kuro’s shaking arms.

“Two more,” the sensei said, “can you do it, Kuro-chan?”

“Yes,” Kuro sobbed. “Yes… please.”

“How do they take the drug out of you?”

“I don’t know,” Kuro moaned. “I’m on my stomach. There’s… green light… There’s a little pain, but… not like the pain I’m used to.”

Leaving Kuro’s cock for a moment, Iruka knelt once again and removed yet another layer of books. Kuro cried out, keening and gasping as he was stretched still further. Tears started running from underneath the sodden blindfold, one caught on his upper lip and Iruka took it with his middle finger.

“Very good, Kuro-chan,” the sensei murmured, slipping his middle finger into his mouth. Seeing that, everything in Kakashi’s body melted all at once. The power, the restraint, the _fucking mischief_. The Copy Nin couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Now, tell me Kuro-chan, are there others like you and your master? Are there other mules?”

The tears continued to flow and Kuro’s body had started to sag with fatigue.

“No…” he whimpered, “not anymore. There was another couple like us, friends of ours… but they died.”

“Died?”

“Yes… there was a complication and the procedure went… wrong… _Ah… Haru… please…_.”

Iruka moved in close again, but this time, instead of stroking Kuro to relieve the pressure, he lifted his hands and pulled both of Kuro’s nipple piercings. Not hard, just a gentle tug to each.

Kuro almost screamed.

“ _Haru! Y-yes… shit shit…_ ”

“One last book, Kuro-chan,” Iruka said.

Kuro started to babble, plead in short, broken words for Haru to do it, do it do it please! And so the sensei lowered himself one last time and tapped the sub’s feet before pulling the last of the books away.

The dildo filled Kuro completely, and the man cried out again. “ _Ah! Haru… Haru-san I need to cum. Tell me to cum, please!_ ”

“One more question.”

“ _Okay… o-okay…_ ”

Iruka came close, ghosted a breath underneath Kuro’s jaw. “What do you want me and Endo-san to do?”

Something happened then, something inside Kuro seemed to break apart, shatter completely. His body sagged against the bonds, all resistance faded away. His feet came down flat on the floor, his head drooped. Deep, wracking sobs bubbled up from his chest as he cried into Iruka’s hair.

“Please help us…” he whispered, “Please take us away from here. My Master’s body cannot take this much longer and if I lose him… I can’t… please… please…”

A pang of sympathy jolted Kakashi’s heart. Fai sat next to him, still a pillar of control and poise, but his eyes were cloudy, misty with unshed tears. These men just wanted out. They wanted to go home, or go far away, whatever they could manage. They were terrified of being mishandled like the other couple had been, and then dying for nothing.

Iruka’s face was flushed, his eyes were wide and sad. Kakashi’s hart panged again at the sight. He hated seeing Iruka sad, or angry. The sensei deserved nothing but the greatest happiness, contentment, love, affection. He deserved everything that Kakashi wanted to give him, but would not. He would get Iruka out of this, he would help save Fai and Kuro, and then he would take the sensei home where he could get his memory erased and the man could go back to being the tender, perfect, most amazing person Kakashi had ever known.

Lost in his thoughts, Kakashi hadn’t noticed Iruka was speaking again, soft and low against Kuro’s lips. When he focused his attention, he realized Iruka was praising the sub, coaxing. One hand was working Kuro’s still-hard erection, the other was pulling off the blindfold, cupping a strong jaw.

“…good, and now you can come. Let go, Kuro-chan, let it out, I’ve got you.”

Kuro came wordlessly, shaking, panting, but controlled. His lips found Iruka’s jaw and neck, and he left desperate, worshipful kisses across the smaller man’s skin.

“Haru…” he said softly, “Haru… you’re so lovely… so wonderful…”

Kakashi didn’t have time to figure out how he felt about that because Fai’s hand came down on his arm and squeezed gently. When Kakashi looked over at the other man, he was smiling, sad, but contented.

“And now you know,” he said.

Kakashi nodded. “And now we know.”

* * *

Kakashi was waiting for Iruka when the sensei emerged from the bathroom. He looked tired, drained, with dark circles under his eyes and there was a slight drag to the steps he took.

“Fai-san has him in the bath,” he said softly, “I think he’ll be all right.”

Kakashi nodded. “Of course he’ll be all right. That was amazing—you were amazing sen-… Haru.”

Iruka’s lip twitched but he shook his head and wrapped his arms around his middle. “I don’t feel amazing. I feel… I don’t know.”

Moving from the counter in the small kitchen, Kakashi made his way towards the sensei. He reached out, meaning to place an arm on the younger man’s shoulder, but to his dismay, Iruka jerked away, as if Kakashi’s hand was hot.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka said softly, “I just… can’t anymore.”

The Copy Nin didn’t think his heart was capable of breaking yet again, but apparently it was.

“I… I know,” Kakashi murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Iruka’s arms wound tighter around himself and he looked away. There was so much sadness, so much loneliness in him and it hurt Kakashi so profoundly he almost broke down right there. In the last few hours, Iruka had been tortured, by his own devices but still tortured, beaten, and then made to torture someone else. That was too much even for someone who was into this lifestyle.

And then there was the fact that Kakashi had forced him. Kakashi had _raped_ Iruka right before this had even started. He had used the sensei for his own pleasure, without a thought to how that could potentially tear Iruka apart.

Something very dark and heavy settled on Kakashi’s shoulders, wove around his chest and crushed his lungs. They had been fine this morning, talking, working together, planning together, and then he had screwed it up. He had screwed Iruka up. There was no going back now. Fuck if he would ever be able to look Iruka in the eyes ever again.

“Let’s finish this,” Iruka murmured.

Kakashi took a breath. The best he could do was to help Iruka save these two men. Get them back home. 

He tried to focus on that.

“Here, sit,” he said. “I’ll get you something to drink and we’ll figure this out.”

Iruka nodded and sat carefully on the bed.

Kakashi filled a glass with orange juice from the fridge and brought it to the sensei. He didn’t want to invade the younger man’s space at all so he grabbed a chair and pulled it over to sit in front of the sensei.

The orange juice disappeared in seconds and Iruka made a quiet humming noise. “Thank you,” he said.

The glass was set on the floor and the two men sat across from each other, regarding the floor.

“It has something to do with chakra,” Iruka said, “I’m sure of it.”

Kakashi nodded. “It has to be. They fill them up and then they deliver themselves to the warehouse. They extract whatever it is and then synthesize it. It’s genius, untraceable.”

“Do you think they market it to missing nin?” Iruka asked. 

“If it’s a stimulant based in chakra? I’m sure of it.”

“I should have asked if they’re carrying now,” Iruka ran is fingers over his forehead.

“No, it’s fine, it won’t matter. We take them back to Konoha and the Hyuuga can unseal them. Then they can tell the counsel everything.”

“What about a sample?” Iruka asked.

“I’m sure if they know where the warehouse is and where all the trafficking is going down, they’ll get one.”

Iruka nodded at that and was about to say something else when through the open bathroom door, they heard a faint splash and a short gasp. Fai was murmuring something soothing, rhythmic. 

The sensei’s cheeks reddened and he rubbed at his scar. “This is… we would be…”

Nodding, Kakashi said softly, “If you needed care after that scene, this is when I would do it.”

Iruka shook his head. “I don’t need it.”

_But I do,_ Kakashi thought, and the realization struck him hard.

“Anyway, we don’t have any reason to wait around. Once Kuro is up to traveling, we should get them and get out.”

“Agreed. I don’t want to be here any longer.”

The broken pieces of Kakashi’s heart stung when he heard those words, but he nodded his head. It was true, they needed to leave.

* * *

An hour later, the four of them were clothed and headed out the front door of the club. Kuro had recovered surprisingly fast, and was shadowing Fai protectively as they made their way down the dimly lit street.

“We’ll get outside the city limits as quick as we can,” Kakashi had given them instructions back in the room at the club. “Stay close to me, Haru will keep behind and above to lookout. The safe house where we have our gear is about six miles.”

“Six miles?” Fai breathed.

“It’s not that far for us,” Kakashi had assured him. “I can carry you if you get tired.”

“When I get tired,” Fai managed to chuckle.

Now, the four of them made their way down another dark ally, passing by people chatting around trash bins and men doing unspeakable things to each other against the dirty, brick walls.

They reached the city limits and came upon the wide, brightly lit bridge.

“It’s too dangerous to cross in this bright light,” Iruka said.

“I know,” Kakashi agreed, “but our only other option is to swim.”

Below them, the river swept by, dark and unforgiving. There was no other way out of the city, unless they went north, but that would add another thirteen miles to their escape. Cars and taxies were out, someone had certainly noticed they were gone by now and it would be too easy to fall into a web of bought people.

“Heads down, move fast,” Kakashi instructed. “Don’t look back.”

It had started to rain. Large droplets bounced off Kakashi’s jacket and caught in his hair. It obscured their view about ten meters out. Glancing up, Kakashi watched as Iruka jumped from support beam to support beam, looking out, watching the bridge on both sides. 

They made it almost three quarters of the way across.

“Up ahead!” Iruka called out.

Car headlights, the bark of a dog. They stopped. Kakashi could barely see in the rain, but he sensed eight, maybe ten figures, not including the canines. 

“Shit!” Fai exclaimed. 

“We’ll be okay, there’s not that many.” Kakashi hoped that wasn’t a lie.

Iruka dropped to the pavement at his side. “Six around the car, two inside, and two at the edge.”

“It’s not that many, we can get past them.”

Iruka nodded and they moved forward. “Stay close,” the sensei said softly.

As they neared the end of the bridge, Kakashi started to make the seals for a Water Dragon Bullet, but stopped when a red dot appeared in the center of his chest.

“Move!” he shouted.

Taking Fai in his arms, Kakashi leapt to one of the supports above. Iruka mirrored his movements on the other side, pulling Kuro onto the metal bar with him.

Kakashi pushed Fai against the vertical support and gripped his shoulders. “Stay here.”

Fai nodded, his eyes wide.

Signaling to Iruka, Kakashi ran along the beams, starting the seals over again. The sensei went right, and flew down, landing on one of the men with rifles. In his peripheral, Kakashi saw Iruka take out the first one with a quick jab to the neck. The second landed on his face after the sensei took his feet out from under him.

The seals were almost complete, Kakashi felt the power in the water beneath them, under the bridge. It built as he neared the men around the car.

He nearly missed the sword.

Steel sang in the air, displacing the chakra Kakashi had released. He lurched back just in time, and the blade missed his jugular by mere centimeters. 

“Kakashi-san!” Iruka cried. 

“Shinobi!” he replied. 

There were three, he could feel them finally. They had been using their energy to hide themselves, but now, it was obvious. Iruka pushed back, assaulted with arrows as he leapt across the cement.

Kakashi twisted and deflected another smooth slice. The man in front of him was small, dark hair, face covered. He carried two katana.

He saw the car door open, a large man climbed out and held an umbrella for the second man.

It was Baron Young. Not a surprise. 

“I knew you two were trouble!” he called from the ground. “I’m gonna skin you and make your friends watch!”

“Bastard!” Iruka roared.

These shinobi were not that powerful, not on his level, but having three of them was a problem. The man with the swords came at him again, but this time, Kakashi was ready. He gathered chakra in his hand, ducked, and sent the small man hurling off the bridge and into the water below. 

He trusted Iruka to fend off the other two while he took out the six men with guns. They went down easy, they were trained, but not shinobi. He didn’t hurt the dogs, only knocked them out.

Baron Young glanced around him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck…” he breathed. “What the fuck?”

“Let us go and I’ll let you live,” Kakashi said evenly.

Young’s face twisted up into one of fury. He shoved the big man next to him, spitting and hurling curses.

“Get them! And find the fucking ponies!”

Kakashi dodged the first attack, but was surprised to find that this big man knew a thing or two about footwork. They danced, alternately attacking and parrying back onto the steel of the bridge. The man was not a master, but his knowledge of taijutsu was impressive. 

“Look out!” Iruka called from behind him.

The Copy Nin turned just in time to see a purple ball of energy coming at him at incredible speed. He dodged just in time, and the big man got the full force of the attack. He screamed, clutching at his face and eyes, and then fell to the ground, skin charred black and smelling of ozone and sulfur.

“Iruka!” he called as he whirled around. 

The sensei was grappling with one of the hired nin. Blood ran from his temple, dripped from his bottom lip. There was a kunai at his throat. Kakashi lost all coherent thought at the sight and sprinted. He needed to get to Iruka, needed to help him. Nothing else mattered.

The arrow in his arm was a surprise, but really, not that much of a surprise. He had been stupid after all. He knew there were three of them. 

Kakashi turned and made the seals for a fire ball. He decimated the side of the bridge, and knocked the second hired nin into one of the pillars. He heard bones snap, even over the sound of rubble and steel hitting the concrete. 

“Kakashi-san!” 

Kakashi whirled around to find Iruka, bloody and panting, but all right. The third of the hired ninja was on the ground, his own kunai in his throat. 

“Iruka…” he said softly. 

The sensei nearly collided with him and started running his hands through The Copy Nin’s hair, checking his face.

“My God, what happened? Oh shit, your arm!”

It was then Kakashi realized he was covered in blood. Where it had come from and why it was on his face and in his hair was beyond him. It probably wasn’t his. When had that even happened?

Baron Young was screaming at them, waving his arms around in the air.

“You think you can just come here and take away my means of running a business!? I will make sure that the names Endo and Haru are known throughout the fucking _world_! You’ll be stricken from every book in every city! You’ll never be able to go anywhere again under those aliases! You’re _fucking finished!_ I’ll spend every last dollar I have hunting you two down! I’ll—”

“Enough!”

Kakashi and Iruka both turned at the same time. Son Yang was climbing out of another car, Fai and Kuro right behind him. 

“I had an inkling you were doing something nefarious behind my back, brother, but I had no idea you had stooped this low.”

“Shut the fuck up!” the Baron spat, “You go back to your fucking fantasy clubs and your weak excuses for bondage play! This is business! You wouldn’t understand!” 

Son Yang sighed and slipped his hands in his pockets.

“Brother, I pity you.”

“Fuck you!”

Yang’s men surrounded the Baron and pushed him screaming and fighting back into the car.

Fai and Kuro were suddenly at Kakashi’s side and Fai was smiling so wide it was almost blinding.

“You are amazing, both of you! That was incredible!”

Kuro was looking at Iruka’s wounds, carefully checking his head and the inside of the sensei’s lips. Kakashi wanted to push him away, do it himself, but Iruka seemed okay with Kuro doing it. Kakashi was sure if he tried, the sensei would probably flinch away again.

There was pain, and he turned to watch Fai pull the arrow from his arm. The small man inspected the wound and quickly tore a strip from his shirt to field dress it. The whole thing took only a manner of seconds and Kakashi found himself quite impressed.

“Endo-san, Haru-san,” Yang’s voice was quiet, awed. When they turned to the man, he was smiling.

“I should have known. The strength I saw in you two is so great. I feel a fool.”

Iruka chuckled, obviously embarrassed. “It’s not… um, thank you, Yang-san.”

Yang dipped his head to the sensei. “I can have transportation ready for you all, if you want. Or I can merely walk away, and forget I saw any of this.”

Kakashi dipped his head as well. “Thank you, Yang-san. We appreciate it greatly, but if you would kindly just… let us fade away, I think that would be best.”

Yang nodded. “I want to say I hope to see you again, but I feel that is… inappropriate.”

Iruka moved out from behind Kuro and bowed. “We understand your meaning, Yang-san. Thank you.”

Son Yang’s lips pulled up into a smile, and then he returned to his car. Within minutes, the bridge was cleaned of bodies, and vacated by all but Kakashi, Iruka, Fai, and Kuro. There were sirens in the distance, it seemed someone had finally notified the authorities. 

“Well,” Kakashi said, “that was exceptionally dramatic.”

Fai chuckled, “Yes it was, let’s go.”

They left the bridge and moved into the woods. Kakashi led them through the brush, glancing behind him now and again to check and see how they were doing. Fai seemed relieved, his step was light, and Kuro walked beside him, smiling carefully when his Master’s arm would brush his. All seemed well. They had made it.

However, about an hour into their journey, Kuro made a noise that stopped Kakashi in his tracks. He spun around, just in time to see the tall sub steady Iruka in his arms.

“Sensei!” Kakashi rushed to his side and took him from Kuro’s strong hands.

“I’m… I…” Iruka’s body was hot to the touch and his eyes rolled in his head. “Kakashi-san, I don’t… Something… my leg…”

Kuro dropped to his knees and inspected Iruka’s left thigh, moving meticulously down over the knee and calf. Fai checked his right as Kakashi held him up.

“What is that?” Fai asked.

Kakashi looked where the blond pointed and a cold, hard, ball of dread dropped into his gut.

“Move back, I need to lay him down,” he commanded and Kuro obeyed. 

There was something happening to Iruka’s right thigh underneath his jeans. Kakashi ripped them open, and hissed air in between his teeth.

A small patch of skin was charred black, and smelled like that same terrible combination of ozone and sulfur. How had they missed this? How had they not seen? 

“That purple light!” Fai breathed. “I saw it flying when you were fighting the one with arrows, but I didn’t think…”

Kuro’s voice was grave. “How did he not realize?”

“Shinobi techniques are complicated,” Kakashi said as he took off his jacket and shirt. “This could be a slow-acting poison with anesthetic, a chakra burn, it’s impossible to tell. I need to get him back home and fast.”

“Go! We’re going to slow you down!” Fai cried. 

“No,” Kakashi said as he used his shirt to tie up Iruka’s leg. “We need to get you to the safe house first, it’s not that far now. You can stay there and I’ll send reinforcements back to get you.”

“Okay let’s go!”

Kakashi pulled the sensei up and over his shoulder and they set out into the trees. This time, they moved much quicker.

* * *

Dry branches and paper-thin leaves whipped at Kakashi’s face as he leapt from tree to tree. His heart was pounding, his stomach churned. He prayed he would make it in time.

Iruka was a weight against his back, but not overbearing, not anything that could slow him down significantly. The sensei had woken up twice in the two days that they had been moving. He had asked what had happened, and Kakashi had told him he had been hurt, but knew nothing beyond that. The sensei asked if Fai and Kuro were all right, and Kakashi did his best to reassure him. They were waiting at the safe house. They were fine. 

Now, Iruka stirred again, his face turning and rubbing into the collar of Kakashi’s flack vest.

“Kakashi-san?” he murmured.

“We’re almost there, sensei.”

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered, “I’m sorry…”

Again, Kakashi’s heart gave a pang so hard it rocked him to his soul. What did Iruka have to be sorry about? How could he even think he had done something wrong?

“Don’t speak, sensei,” Kakashi whispered, “rest. I’ll get you home.”

* * *

Medical ninja met them at the Northern gates, and Kakashi passed Iruka onto the provided stretcher. He didn’t know what to report, he didn’t know what had happened, or what the injury was. Also, he was so tired, he was beyond exhaustion. He could barely stand. His chakra was depleted, he hadn’t slept in four days, and he had only eaten once or twice and stopped to take a few sips of water every few hours. He was practically dead himself.

“Kakashi!”

Genma was there, eyes wide and worried. “What the hell happened to Iruka-sensei?”

Kakashi shrugged, “Oh, you know, the usual. I probably got him killed.”

With that, The Copy Nin succumbed to his fatigue and collapsed.

TBC


	9. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. It's a giant, clocking in at over 13,000 words. I was going to split it up, but I couldn't find a suitable place to break it. 
> 
> I hope this is as satisfying for you, dear readers, as it is for me. This story has been a challenge--in a good way of course. A lot of this is gleaned from personal experience, so some of these scenes were as emotional for me as they were for the characters. If you have any questions about anything regarding the scenes in this fic, other scenes you have read or watched, or just BDSM in general, I put myself at your service. Ask me whatever you like.
> 
> Enjoy.

Three days after returning to Konoha, Kakashi found himself mostly recovered and sitting in a dimly-lit room in the Hyuuga compound. He had been summoned from the hospital earlier that morning, and he had gone, reluctantly.

As he waited, he watched the shadows drift across the patterns on the walls, and thought about everything that had happened. A squad was on its way now to retrieve Fai and Kuro at the safe house. The shinobi were instructed to bring them back to the villiage for unsealing, questioning, and then cleansing. It would be a grueling process but well worth it. Kakashi wanted to see them when they did return, but he didn’t know if it was going to be allowed.

He had not seen Iruka yet. The young chunin was on the mend, but still having trouble walking. Apparently, the injury, which had appeared to be some kind of chemical or chakra burn, was in fact the devastating reaction to a highly potent and untraceable poison. Tsunade and her team had removed the poison from Iruka’s body, but the damage to his leg was not fixable with chakra, not even katsuyu, so his healing would have to be slow and natural. There was no telling how long Iruka would be in the hospital, or in pain, or needing to use a cane, or anything else.

Knowing that this one thing was actually not his fault did not make any difference. Kakashi still felt like the whole thing was because of his actions. If he had just moved quicker, if he had just paid more attention to where Iruka was, if he had just… done things differently—better, this wouldn’t have happened.

The same could be said of the mission. If he had just stayed on task and hadn’t let his feelings get in the way, everything would be fine right now.

He missed Iruka terribly. It had only been three days, but Iruka’s absence had left a hole in The Copy Nin’s heart. Another piece of him lost. Another mistake to add to his list of failures.

Well, Kakashi thought, at least it was merely a mistake and not another name on the memorial stone.

Then, as if his thoughts had summoned him, the door opened and Iruka entered the room. He walked slowly, cane in hand, favoring his injured leg. His face was pale, his eyes heavily lidded above dark circles. When he saw Kakashi, he stopped.

Kakashi’s breath caught. He had wanted to see Iruka so badly, but now that he was there, in front of him, The Copy Nin didn’t know what to say.

Iruka shifted his weight, or tried to, and pulled absently at the bottom of his flack vest.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” Kakashi pushed that single word past a very dry throat.

Moving again, Iruka came and sat beside him. He was ridged, tense, and he clasped his hands tightly in his lap.

“How are you doing?” Kakashi pushed the words past his lips.

Iruka shrugged his shoulders once, just a small movement, barely anything at all.

“It’s painful sometimes, but I’m not prone to dizzy spells or instant nausea anymore like I was the first few days.”

Kakashi made a sound at the back of his throat. “That’s good.”

He wanted to reach out and touch his fingers to ashen skin, run his palm over dark brown hair. His heart was aching. 

“Are you nervous?” Iruka asked suddenly.

“Hm?” Kakashi asked. “Nervous?”

“About getting your memory erased?” 

“Oh, that.” He had forgotten. How could he have forgotten about that? “Is that why we’re here?”

Iruka actually chuckled. “Why else would we be summoned to the Hyuuga compound?”

Oh, okay, that made sense.

It wasn’t that Kakashi had forgotten about the memory procedure, it was just that it didn’t matter to him. He had decided not to go through with it a long time ago. He had just forgotten to tell anyone important about it.

“Sensei…” he started, but then trailed off. What was he supposed to say? What could he say?

Iruka was looking at him expectantly, but he had nothing to offer, no words of comfort or assurance. Nothing except…

“I’m sorry.”

The sensei’s eyes widened. “What?”

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, but did not get the chance to answer. The door opened and Hyuuga Ko entered. 

“Kakashi-san, Iruka-sensei,” he said, “We are ready. Who would like to go first?”

Iruka looked at Kakashi, his eyes a mixture of pain, regret and something like relief.

“I will,” he said simply.

As the sensei stood, Kakashi tried to keep himself from crying out, from standing and throwing himself at Iruka’s feet. He wanted to beg forgiveness, to cry, to scream, to offer his life as payment for all the terrible things he had done. 

But he did not move. He merely sat and watched Iruka’s back as the sensei made his way to the door. 

When the younger man reached the threshold, he stopped, and turned back.

“Kakashi…” he said.

Trying to keep his feelings hidden, locked behind his mask and his sham of slouched posture, Kakashi choked out a soft, “Hm?”

Iruka’s eyes shone, and he spoke two words so softly Kakashi almost didn’t hear. Then he was gone.

The room was dark again, and Kakashi felt himself slip into despair. He would never be the same again. His heart was beyond broken and his spirit was crushed. He knew he was worthless and was getting exactly what he deserved as those two words hung in the air around him, like dust in a tomb. 

_Thank you…_

Before he could be crushed under the weight of his own self-hatred, Kakashi stood and moved out the door. He left the compound; spoke to no one. Later, he would send a _ninken_ to let Ko know he was not coming back.

* * *

Days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into a month. Kakashi went through the motions of day to day life without really living it. He woke up in the mornings, ate a light breakfast, trained, ate dinner, bathed, and then went to bed. He didn’t sleep much, lying awake long into the night, staring up at the ceiling thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

He did this same routine every day, lather, rinse, repeat. He had partitioned his mind again, just like he had every time he had lost someone, and had found a comfortable place between apathy and full-on numbness—something like an induced shock. 

He had stopped going to the memorial stone.

It was not that he was ashamed, he had gone to the memorial stone and told his lost loved ones about terrible things he had done many times. They listened, and they understood. No, this time was different. This time, Kakashi didn’t want to go to the stone, because he couldn’t even bear to speak to them. Over this, they would not be so understanding, and why would they? Why should they? 

Kakashi did not deserve any kind of forgiveness, especially from those he had already let down so profoundly.

And so he moved through the days like a living dead thing. Not really tasting food, not really focusing on training. Not really sleeping. Not really breathing.

When Tsunade handed him a mission to Earth retrieving a rare summoning scroll, Kakashi had taken it without a word. She had looked at him carefully over the rim of her coffee cup, eyes level, not giving him even an idea of what she was thinking. Not that he cared. 

She knew he had not gone through with the memory wipe. She was the only one besides Hyuuga Ko, but thankfully, neither of them had said anything about it to him. Ko was never around to speak to him anyway, and Tsunade knew when to push and when to keep her distance. Good thing, as Kakashi was sure he wouldn’t have been able to actually form his thoughts into coherent sentences in the first place.

The mission was simple. It had been labeled an A rank because the information was sensitive in nature, but the mission itself was D. Kakashi was barely even awake for most of it.

Coming back into Konoha, it struck The Copy Nin that he was going to have to turn in his mission report after giving Tsunade the scroll. The thought gave him a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach but he took a few deep breaths and chided himself for how melodramatic he was being. There was a chance Iruka might not even be on duty.

He avoided probing eyes as he dropped his satchel on the Hogake’s desk and left without a word. When he reached the mission room, he heard laughter, the sounds of familiar voices. He briefly considered leaving and dropping off the report on his way to training in the morning, but his common sense reminded him about the melodrama. If he put it off now, he would just keep putting it off until he never did it and would end up getting written up. 

Just get in and get it over with. 

It was Kotetsu and Isumo’s voices he had heard. The two chunin were standing at the desk chuckling over God knows what, and Aoba was lounging on one of the couches against the far wall. Heads turned when Kakashi rounded the corner, and Kotetsu was the first to greet him.

“Kakashi-san, hey! How are you? Haven’t seen you in a while, what have you been up to?”

While Izumo waved and Aoba nodded from his perch on the couch, Kakashi found himself slipping into a practiced feign of nonchalance. It soothed him, how easy it was to fall back into such a stance, even with the storm of emotions pressing at everything behind his ribcage.

“Mah, well, you know,” he murmured and pushed his hands into his pockets, “Old ladies in the road, cats in trees and such.”

“Haha, it’s that some kind of a code for reading porn?”

Kakashi squinted his visible eye in a way that made it look like we was smiling.

“Maybe.”

A head of dark brown hair peered around Izumo and Kakashi’s heart stopped. It made sense really, his luck had run out weeks ago, why should it be any different now?

“Hey, Kakashi-san.”

Time away from Iruka had not lessened the impact the younger man had on him. The Copy Nin stood in the doorway, frozen, panicked over what he should do or say. How was he supposed to act? 

“Um, Kakashi-san, do you have a report? Or is there something else I can do for you?” Dark eyes regarded him with fondness. No trace of hurt or anger or disappointment clouded that gaze as the smile on Iruka’s lips widened. 

It hurt so much to see the sensei like that, unaware, blissfully ignorant of everything that was tearing Kakashi apart inside. Iruka had no idea what the man standing before him was really like, what he had _done_. Unguarded and unprotected, Iruka just sat, smiling, waiting for his friend and colleague to come closer and conduct business like any other day. 

Kakashi forced his legs to move, for his feet to carry him across the mission room floor towards the desk. Kotetsu and Izumo moved aside to make room for him as he took the report from the front pocket of his flack vest and unfolded it. 

“Good evening, Iruka-sensei,” he said quietly. “How’d you get stuck pulling mission desk duty on a Friday night?” 

To his surprise, Iruka chuckled.

“It’s Saturday, Kakashi-san.”

The Copy Nin felt heat on his neck, but thankfully his mask still knew how to do its job.

“Right, right.”

Taking Kakashi’s report, Iruka smoothed it out on the desk and started looking it over. “Well, I’m basically the best and volunteer,” he said as he read. The two chunin standing behind Kakashi snickered. 

“Anyway, it’s not a big deal, I’m off in five minutes. Kotetsu is taking over for me.” He grabbed the stamp from the desk tray and completed the report before putting it on a stack of similar-looking paperwork. When he looked up, he was still smiling, still friendly. It was not until that moment that Kakashi realized he had been waiting for Iruka’s cheer to run out and those eyes would no longer smile at him.

“What are you going to do with your freedom?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka shrugged. “I might meet up with Genma and some others. They’re heading to Yakiniku Q later, or maybe they’re already there. And possibly drunk.”

“Hm,” Kakashi hummed. His hands were firmly back in his pockets. “Well, enjoy your downtime.”

He turned from the desk and nodded to Kotetsu and Izumo as he started towards the exit.

“Do you want to come with us?” Iruka asked, stopping Kakashi in his tracks. “Aoba is coming too, drinks are half off.”

Kakashi felt on the verge of both laughing and crying at the same time. One of those seemed appropriate, he just wasn’t sure which was actually trying to push up past his throat.

“Ah, no that’s okay, Iruka-sensei. Groups of people plus drinking really isn’t my scene. I think I’m just gonna get some dinner and go home.”

“How about ramen, then?”

Kakashi stood frozen yet again. Iruka sat at the desk, arms folded on the worn wood, his head cocked to the side playfully, and his smile soft and welcoming. This was the old Iruka, the one he had come to respect and admire. He had been missing this Iruka while he watched the one he had created fall apart before his eyes. He didn’t deserve this Iruka. He didn’t even deserve to _speak_ to this Iruka. 

“What do you say, Kakashi-san? My treat.”

_Say no. Say no. Say no. Say no._

“Yeah, sure. Let me change and I’ll meet you at Ichiraku.”

The sensei’s smiled widened and Kakashi had to escape before he lost control. This was not a good idea. What was he even thinking?

As he moved down the hall, he heard a shuffle and then laughter. “Holy shit, Iruka-kun. Did you just ask Hatake Kakashi out on a date?”

“No!” Iruka growled back. “Shut up, Aoba, you wouldn’t know a friendly gesture if it punched you in the face!”

Kakashi made it back to his apartment in record time. He pushed everything out of his head as he unlocked the door. Tossing his pack and flack vest on the floor, he shed his clothes and headed straight to the bathroom. After the fastest shower in history, The Copy Nin toweled off and grabbed a clean uniform. His shoes and vest were a little dirty but it wasn’t too obnoxious, so he pulled them back on and shoved his hitai-ate over his left eye. The air was cool in his damp hair but he paid it no mind as he locked his door and reset the traps.

What was he thinking? It didn’t matter. In truth, he wasn’t thinking at all. He was still heartbroken, still overwhelmingly lonely. All he wanted was to be near Iruka, to talk to him, listen to his voice. He didn’t care that it wouldn’t mean what he wanted it to mean. He didn’t care that it most definitely would not last. Just being with the sensei for a few hours, maybe it would ease his hurt, make things a little more bearable.

* * *

The town was still alive with activity, even after the sun had set. Though most of the shops had already closed, villagers still roamed, hanging together in small groups, talking and laughing. Families passed beneath him as Kakashi leapt from rooftop to rooftop, still partitioned to feel and think about nothing. He knew if he started to think, he would talk himself out of this. And if he let himself feel, then he really would just fall apart.

He dropped from the roof to the ground across the street from Ichiraku and paused. He could see through the break in the curtain. Iruka was already there, sitting on one of the worn, wooden stools, smiling and talking to the girl behind the counter. He seemed happy, relaxed.

This was his last chance. Kakashi knew that he could turn around now, go back home and go to bed, leave Iruka to eat alone. The sensei would be annoyed at Kakashi standing him up, but mere annoyance did not compare to the potential damage Kakashi could do if he actually walked the twenty or so feet into the shop. All he had to do was turn around and walk the other way. Just let it go. Go home.

The curtain parted under his fingers and he squinted against the light inside the shop. The owner saw him first and welcomed him, a smile lighting up his kind, elderly features. Iruka turned and smiled as well, motioning to the seat next to him.

“I had this terrible feeling that you were going to stand me up,” Iruka said as Kakashi sat.

The Copy Nin made a quiet noise, “I almost did.”

Pulling an overdramatic face, Iruka clicked his tongue like Kakashi had seen him do to Naruto a thousand times.

“Wow, rude! You’d rather sit at home and read your porn than have free ramen?”

Kakashi chuckled a little, mostly because the situation he was in was so absurd. “No, but my bed was tempting.”

Iruka’s features immediately softened. “Oh, I’m sorry, Kakashi-san. I didn’t mean to make you come out when you were so tired. You just came back from a mission, I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, sensei, it’s fine. I’m hungry and tired. Both of those things need fixing.”

Iruka’s smile returned a little and his eyes grew warmer as the two of them ordered. After Ayame moved away to start preparing their bowls, Kakashi let his eyes wander over to Iruka’s hands, his torso, and then his face. He watched as the younger man fidgeted in his seat, the skin around his scar reddening. It was charming, and terrible.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka started, “I am sorry for being so insistent about taking you out tonight.”

“Really, sensei, it’s okay. I’m not—”

“No, no, wait,” Iruka held up his hand, “it’s not… I mean, I’ve been trying to figure out how to speak to you for a month.”

Kakashi felt as if his lungs had fallen into his stomach. A month? Wait, what? What was Iruka talking about? How did he know? Did he remember? Had he not gotten his memory erased?

“It must be strange for you too, right, Kakashi-san?”

The Copy Nin swallowed past a throat that felt like it was full of sand. “I’m… not sure what you mean. Can you… clarify?”

“Uh,” the sensei looked away again, his hands smoothing over his thighs nervously, “I mean, the mystery mission we went on together last month. I… obviously it was S ranked or extremely sensitive or something. I mean it had to be since we can’t remember, but… I can’t figure out why it was _me_. What the hell could I have to offer on something like that?”

Slowly, the air returned to Kakashi’s lungs. Iruka did not remember, he was just curious as to what it was that had taken up several weeks of his life that he could not recall.

Understandable.

Shrugging, Kakashi played the nonchalant card yet again. “We probably joined a circus or something.”

The look Iruka gave him almost made the Copy Nin laugh.

“I’m serious,” Kakashi said. “We were probably performers or something. Tight-rope walkers or fire-eating dancers. I’m guessing we had to infiltrate a dog-fighting crime ring. And when I say ‘dog-fighting’ I mean ‘dog-faced people fighting’.”

Iruka’s teeth shone as his smile stretched to his cheeks. He was fighting back a laugh as Kakashi spoke, his face getting redder and redder by the moment.

“Oh God, I hope not,” he laughed.

“That’s some embarrassing shit,” Kakashi murmured. “I would definitely get my memory erased after that.”

“That still doesn’t explain why I was chosen to go with you.”

Kakashi shrugged again. “That prankster I keep hearing that you were? Perfect background for a circus clown. I mean come on, this all makes sense to me, keep up, sensei.”

Their ramen came out, colorful and steaming, and Iruka covered his laugh with his fingers as he tried to regain some composure. They ate slowly, bouncing ideas back and forth of what their mystery mission might have entailed, and then drank sake and spoke of other things. Naruto, the mission room, dealing with Tsunade on her bad days. It was sweet and simple and everything Kakashi had imagined it would be, so when the shop’s lights started to dim, The Copy Nin felt himself slipping back into the quiet despair he had become so accustomed to over the last month.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said as they stood outside the curtain.

“Hm?” 

“Can we do this again?” The sensei’s voice was quiet, uncertain. “Sit and talk for a little while, I mean?”

Kakashi watched the younger man as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He seemed nervous, embarrassed even. The Copy Nin’s felt his chest growing tight with all the feelings that had suddenly reared their ugly heads. They piled up against the wall he had carefully constructed for himself. His protection. It was crumbling.

When Iruka was not met with an answer, his eyes lifted to meet Kakashi’s. They were sad and lonely, lost. It tore at The Copy Nin’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka said, “I’m being way too forward and rude. It’s just that I don’t think I thought about how difficult this would be to cope with when I agreed to the memory wipe. When I talk with you about it though… it helps.”

The sensei took a breath, his eyes dropping to the ground again.

“I don’t… you don’t have to, I was just… it’s okay. Nevermind.”

“Yes.”

Iruka froze mid-step. He had started to walk away, but Kakashi’s words had halted him. The sensei’s eyes returned to meet Kakashi’s gaze and they held there, bright and cautious.

“Yes?” he asked.

Kakashi nodded. His insides churned and his senses screamed at him, but his heart was winning this battle. There was nothing the rest of him could do about it.

“It makes me feel better too.”

The smile that broke out over Iruka’s face was so bright, for a moment Kakashi felt blinded. The sensei bounced once on his heels, a gesture that Kakashi found almost painfully attractive, and then bowed his head.

“Great. Thank you, Kakashi-san. I guess I’ll… see you later?”

Kakashi nodded again and stood watching Iruka’s back as he headed down the street.

What he had said was not a lie. Being with Iruka did make him feel better, but Kakashi also understood that this bit of relief, this small happiness he was getting, would no doubt have severe consequences.

* * *

They went to dinner again after Iruka’s shift ended at the beginning of the week, and then met up for lunch two days later. Their respective schedules were easy to work around, Iruka taught classes in the mornings, and worked the mission desk Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings.

Kakashi, on the other hand, could just make time whenever he wanted. Besides train, The Copy Nin only had a few minor duties. He watched jounin initiations once in a while, and occasionally conducted an inspection of new ANBU recruits. This left him free almost all of the time.

It was not a good thing. 

His common sense kept trying to think of ways to keep himself busy. Applying for an actual trainer position or volunteering for a mission, he even considered putting himself on gate guard rotation or bodyguard duty, but his heart sabotaged the plans every time. What if Iruka wanted to meet up? What if he had time that evening and wanted to go have dinner again? What if he was stressed after teaching all those kids and needed to vent? Needed to talk? 

And so Kakashi kept himself available, and would always manage to be around the mission room or the lobby of the Hokage tower at the same time Iruka was, or he would be walking down a busy street where Iruka just happened to be shopping. 

He didn’t care if he was being obvious, Iruka had told him that talking with him made dealing with the memory wipe easier.

Kakashi could justify it that way. He was helping Iruka feel better. He owed the sensei at least that much, right?

After another lunch on Saturday, and then dinner again on Sunday, Kakashi waited a few days before trying again. Tonight was Wednesday, mission desk. Iruka had been saying something about organizing files or some kind of paperwork that he needed to do, so Kakashi had stopped by in case Iruka needed… help.

The room was relatively empty, save for a chunin sweeping the floor. Kakashi poked his head in and waved to her.

“Hey, have you seen Iruka-sensei?”

The girl stared at him for a moment, but managed to regain her composure and point in a vaguely western direction.

“He’s in records.”

“Thanks,” Kakashi said, and moved down the hall.

The door to records was open slightly, and Kakashi could hear someone inside moving around, sneezing, and mumbling under his breath. The Copy Nin’s heart sped up as he recognized Iruka’s deep timbre, and he nudged the door open with the toe of his sandal. 

“God, fucking, damnit,” Iruka muttered under his breath, and dropped a box on top of another box. “This is going to take weeks!”

“What is?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka whirled around, eyes wide and face red. Sweat beaded on his neck and darkened the hair at the base of his skull. “Oh! Kakashi-san! Hi, sorry, this is… God, it’s such a mess!”

Kakashi tried not to think about how good the sensei looked at that moment, but the thoughts came unbidden and refused to leave. Arousal coiled in the pit of his gut and it made him sick to his stomach. 

“I volunteered for this stupid thing, but I had _no idea_ there was this much! I am screwed.”

“What exactly are you doing?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka motioned to the boxes, “Uh, long story short: reviews are coming up, they gave me a list of chunin, it’s long, and it’s going to take two trips. Sad story is sad.”

“Two trips to where?”

Dark eyes flickered up to Kakashi’s face. “My house. I’m not sitting here in this dusty office reading in the semi-dark. If I have to do this, I’m going to do it on my couch, with adequate light, and probably in my pajamas.”

Kakashi nodded, a small smile tugging at his masked lips. “Do you want help?”

There was a moment when Kakashi was almost sure Iruka was going to say no. The sensei’s eyes darkened, and his posture tensed for a fraction of a moment, but then it passed. The sensei’s features softened and he smiled. 

“You okay with coming over to my house?”

Kakashi shrugged, “It’s your house. Are you okay with it?”

The sensei nodded, almost frantically.

“Yes.”

Nodding, Kakashi bent and picked up one of the boxes.

“Okay, load me up then.”

* * *

Three hours later, both shinobi were sitting in the middle of Iruka’s cluttered living room, papers and files sat in piles surrounding them on the carpet, and two empty cups plus a finished pot of tea sat on the table to their left.

“I just can’t believe you’ve never had a pet,” Kakashi murmured. “That’s so upsetting.”

“It’s not that I’ve never wanted one thought,” Iruka said as he scanned another file, “I’m just so busy all the time that I feel I wouldn’t be able to take proper care of it.”

“You could get a cat. Cats are independent and mostly clean.”

He saw Iruka look up at him in his peripheral.

“I thought you were a dog person, Kakashi-san.”

Kakashi nodded. “I am, I love dogs. That doesn’t mean I don’t like cats too.”

Iruka hummed and closed the file in his hands.

“More tea,” he said before standing, grabbing the pot from the table, and moving into the kitchen.

Kakashi watched him go, his eyes lingering on the sensei’s ass as it pulled at the fabric of his uniform pants. He was so handsome, so sexy. How was he still single? 

Arousal returned in full force and pooled in Kakashi’s gut, tightening his groin, making it hard to breathe. What was he doing here? What did he think was going to happen? What could he do but say goodnight and go back to his own apartment to lay awake in his bed all night and pine over a man that he _should not_ ever be with? 

He knew he was only making things worse. Why he had ever thought this was a good idea, was beyond his understanding.

Okay, he could be honest with himself. Kakashi had never thought that this was a good idea. He had known from the beginning, he just hadn’t listened.

Better end it now and start volunteering for missions. That would be the best for everyone.

Standing, Kakashi moved towards the kitchen, thinking of how he was going to word what he needed to say as he rounded the corner of the threshold. He opened his mouth to speak, but at the last moment he collided with Iruka’s solid frame. Iruka’s arms came up in surprise, their hips met for a fraction of a moment, and their mouths came within inches of actually brushing. 

The sensei’s sharp inhale was almost as surprising as the collision, and Kakashi took one unsteady step back. Iruka was not so lucky, he moved back, but misjudged the distance between himself and the counter. His thigh hit the corner of an open drawer, and Iruka’s sharp cry of pain echoed through the small space.

“Oh shit!” 

“Iruka-sensei!” Kakashi moved to steady the younger man. “Are you all right?”

Hissing air in through his teeth, Iruka nodded, his hand moving to rub circles into his thigh. It was directly over where he had received the poison burn one month ago.

“Damn,” Kakashi murmured as he helped Iruka to one of the kitchen chairs, “that still hasn’t healed?”

Iruka shook his head. “It’s mostly better, I get twinges every now and then but they’re not bad. Knocking it around like that though, it’s like an instant nausea button.”

Kakashi straightened, folding his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry, Iruka-sensei. Do you need anything? Ice? Heat? What did Tsunade tell you to do?”

Iruka shook his head again. “There’s not much to do except wait for it to pass. You could finish making the tea though, that would help.” He managed a smile.

The Copy Nin nodded and moved to the sink where Iruka had filled the kettle. The stove was on, so he lifted the kettle and was about to place it on the burner when Iruka spoke softly.

“Kakashi…”

“Hm?” Kakashi hummed.

The sensei’s eyes were searching the floor and his hands were clasped together in his lap. Something about his posture, about the look in his eyes, startled Kakashi into stillness. There was something terribly wrong.

“Iruka-sensei?” he said, his voice was dry.

“How did you know about the injury?”

“What?” Kakashi’s heart sped up. What did that mean?

Iruka turned to look at him then, his eyes were wide, and his breathing was shallow and quicker that it had been moments ago.

“How… how do you know about the injury? On my leg? How could you know about that?”

Kakashi gripped the kettle in his hands like it was some kind of lifeline. Like it was something from keeping him from falling through the floor, spiraling out of focus and out of control.

“I don’t know what you mean, sensei. It’s in the mission report—”

“—It is not in the mission report.” Iruka’s voice was still soft, but it had taken on a slightly hysteric undertone. “I’ve read the mission report a hundred times, it says nothing about any kind of injury. To either of us. Tsunade-san had me going in for injections three times a week up until a few days ago so I wouldn’t limp. She and I are the only people who know about it, there’s absolutely no one else. So how do you know?”

“I uh…” the world was crashing down around him. That control he had managed to build around himself was coming down fast. His walls were breaking apart as he stood under that dark and intense gaze.

Standing, Iruka moved across the wooden floor and stood inches away from where Kakashi held the kettle in trembling hands.

“You didn’t get your memory erased, did you?” he asked, and when Kakashi didn’t respond he continued, “Why? Why would you do something like that?”

It was not the words, but the tone of Iruka’s voice that cut at Kakashi’s heart like knives. How was he supposed to tell Iruka that he had not gone through with it because he wanted to remember his mistakes? So he could feel the pain and the regret of his actions because he deserved to be ashamed. Because he had done something so terribly wrong and he didn’t deserve to forget it.

Kakashi slowly put the kettle down on a cold burner and turned off the hot one. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned his body to face Iruka fully. He couldn’t make himself say those things. He couldn’t find it in himself to explain because then Iruka would know. _He would know._ So he grit his teeth, planning on telling a lie, something that would make sense, something like it had to do with the mission and it was orders.

But what came out was something from deep inside. Something he had known from the very beginning. Something he could not escape from.

“Because, Iruka-sensei… I’m a monster.”

Iruka’s eyes widened at that. His posture which had been defensive only moments ago, changed. He straightened, blinking, as if caught off guard.

“What?” he whispered.

Obito’s eye was crying, soaking the fabric of his hitai-ate and the top of his mask. His chest hurt like someone had broken all of his ribs.

“I did horrible things on the mission, Iruka-sensei. So many stupid, terrible things. You wouldn’t understand.”

Kakashi found his lungs suddenly working harder to take in a breath. Iruka was watching him with an unreadable expression. His eyes were dark, thoughtful, penetrating as they looked over his face, his hair. It was gentle, but that seemed to only break Kakashi’s heart more.

“You’re right,” Iruka said softly, “I don’t understand. Because if you’re a monster, then I’m a monster too.”

Kakashi stilled, held his breath. 

“What?”

Iruka closed his eyes for a few long moments, and when he opened them he looked at Kakashi through a mix of pain, longing, and complete and utter despair.

“Kakashi-san, I didn’t get my memory erased either.”

Time stood still for several moments. Kakashi stood unmoving, unblinking as he searched Iruka’s face. His heart had stopped beating. He still couldn’t breathe. Was this really happening? Why the hell was this happening? What was going on?

“Sensei…” Kakashi choked out, “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you want to remember any of that?”

The tension seemed to drain from Iruka’s stance and his features once again grew soft. No, perhaps it was defeated. 

“That night… the night that you took care of me, I just couldn’t let it go.”

Kakashi’s head was pounding. “I still don’t understand.”

“Understand what?” Iruka leaned against the counter, he was trembling. “That I used the mission to have sex with you? That I enjoyed the things we did while you were focused on being a good teacher?”

He couldn’t look at Iruka anymore, his heart hurt too much, his head hurt too much. Kakashi’s gaze dropped to the floor and he steadied himself on the edge of the countertop.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said softly, “do you not understand that I love you?”

This was beyond worse than Kakashi had ever expected. What had happened to twist Iruka like this? How could this have gotten to this point?

“Shit…” Kakashi breathed. “Sensei you don’t… Fuck, I’m so sorry. I should get you back to the Hyuuga and get your memory erased. What I did to you fucked you up. What you’re feeling isn’t love, it’s warped and—”

Pain exploded in his chest and he went flying backwards into the wall. His head and shoulders hit hard, dazing him for a moment. Iruka was on him instantly, hands twisted into the front of his flak jacket. When Kakashi looked up in surprise, he found the sensei red with rage, his teeth bared.

“ _How dare you._ Hatake Kakashi, you do not get to tell me how I feel. Do you understand?” The sensei snarled into his face, his fury surrounded The Copy Nin like a jutsu. “You selfish bastard! You have no idea! _No fucking idea!_ ”

As Iruka pushed him against the wall, as the sensei’s rage pinned him where he was, choking the fight out of him, wrapping a strong hold around his heart and his mind, Kakashi felt something inside him finally break. The pieces of himself started to fall away, leaving nothing but a terrifying sadness, deeper than the despair he had grown so familiar with. It was swallowing him up, eating him alive. It was so dark and frightening. So cold.

“I’m sorry…” he said softly, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry for what I did to you, sensei. I’m sorry…”

“What?” he heard Iruka’s voice but it was far away.

Kakashi’s legs buckled and he slid to the floor. He sat with his legs on either side of Iruka’s knees, the fight was gone. He didn’t know how to feel anymore.

“I have to atone. I have to feel the guilt...”

Iruka’s hands had left his vest and were touching his hair, his shoulders. “Kakashi-san, what are you talking about?”

“I wanted you so bad, sensei. I didn’t care about anything else. I used the situation. You couldn’t say no because they were listening and I’m so sorry, I’m sorry—”

“—Kakashi-san, stop.” He felt Iruka’s hands on his hitai-ate, pulling it from his forehead, and then cool air on his lips as the sensei tugged his mask down to his neck. 

“What kind of person rapes their subordinate using the mission as an excuse? What kind of person does that make me? What kind of shinobi am I?”

“Oh my God… Is that really what you’ve been thinking all this time?”

He didn’t want to look up, but Iruka took his chin in his fingers and made The Copy Nin meet his eyes. There was compassion there, worry, love, all the things that Kakashi did not deserve.

Tears blurred his vision. His breath was coming in choked sobs as he pleaded in a strangled voice. 

“Don’t love me, sensei. Please don’t. I would probably make the same mistakes again if I had the chance. Stay away from me.”

But Iruka was not listening to him. The sensei had Kakashi’s face in his hands, he was pressed up tight against the jounin’s chest, trembling, but strong. Iruka was so solid and so warm that Kakashi wanted nothing at that moment but to melt right into the other man’s body and forget everything.

“Oh, Kakashi-san,” Iruka’s voice was soft, “I had no idea. I can’t believe… you should have said something. You poor thing, I’m so sorry.”

“Iruka…” Kakashi moaned, not even sure what he wanted to say.

The sensei continued to stroke Kakashi’s face and slide fingers through his hair as he spoke. “Listen to me, Kakashi-san. I have loved you for years. For _years_. I had to work so hard to get on that mission. I had to swallow every bit of my pride and _beg_ the Hogake to let me go. I didn’t care what kind of shit I had to go through, I didn’t care what I had to do, all I wanted was a chance to be with you. There is no way that you forced me, I would have gladly done anything and everything you asked me to, without question.”

Kakashi shook his head, not believing a word. There was no way.

“Kakashi-san!” Iruka’s voice was harsh, commanding, and Kakashi froze, his churning insides tensing.

“You think I couldn’t have gotten myself out of that situation? You think I wouldn’t have been able to tease my way out of having sex right before a performance? That’s insulting. You did not rape me.”

Kakashi shook his head again.

“Kakashi-san, say it. You did not rape me.”

More tears spilled from Kakashi’s eyes and over Iruka’s fingers. The Copy Nin opened his mouth to obey, but his common sense stopped him once again. This couldn’t be real, could it?

“Kakashi-san, you will not move from this spot unless you listen. I will make sure you rot here if you don’t say it: You did not rape me.”

Trembling, heart pounding, Kakashi opened his mouth again.

“I didn’t rape you.”

“Good, say it again.”

Kakashi breathed in deeply. “I didn’t rape you.”

Iruka nodded. “Good, one more time.”

“I…” Kakashi’s voice caught but he swallowed and tried again. “I didn’t rape you.”

Iruka nodded. “Okay, that was good. Now, come with me.”

In a daze, Kakashi let Iruka help him to his feet. They made their way down the hall and into the bathroom. For a moment, when Iruka started to undress him, Kakashi thought about fighting it. However, he managed to stand pliant while the sensei took off his clothes and sit him down on the bench. The hot water felt good on his skin. He had a silly image in his head where his transgressions had manifested as buildup on his skin but they were washed away down the drain as Iruka cleaned him, rubbing soapy circles into his sore muscles. He closed his eyes in careful, desperate pleasure when the sensei’s dull fingernails scratched his scalp and washed his hair. 

After rinsing, Iruka guided him to the tub and helped him settle back against the wall. Kakashi closed his eyes and after an immeasurable amount of time passed, he felt Iruka sliding into the water in front of him.

Opening the one grey eye, he met the sensei’s gaze. It was tentative, but also loving and warm. Kakashi was very warm at the moment.

It dawned on Kakashi then what was happening. He was on the receiving end of true aftercare. This had never happened before. The people that had tried to dominate him in the past had been relatively kind after their scenes, but because none of them had ever truly dominated Kakashi, they were never adequately equipped to care for him. This was one of the reasons Kakashi had taken great pains to learn to properly recover his subs. 

Now, as his body and his mind started to recover, he was able to come up out of that dark place he had fallen into and could appreciate what Iruka was doing for him. Never before had such attention been focused on his healing and his healing alone. It was incredible. Iruka had taken control as Kakashi had broken down, then he had calmed him, washed him, and was now sitting, waiting patiently to see if there was anything else he could do.

He was so fucking perfect. How could Kakashi not love this man?

“I would tell you I’m sorry, but I’m worried you might be tired of hearing that.”

Iruka smiled softly. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. We’re both at fault for the things that happened. We were stupid and selfish, but we still completed the mission. Fai and Kuro are safe, and the drug ring has been all but eradicated.”

“Are they here?” Kakashi asked, “Fai and Kuro, I mean?”

Iruka nodded. “Do you want to see them?”

“Yes.”

“I can take you tomorrow, if you want.”

Kakashi sighed and lifted a hand to run over Iruka’s calf. “Yes, I would like that very much.”

Iruka’s gaze drifted over Kakashi’s face, down his neck, and over his shoulders. “You know, I can be here for you, like this. You said you don’t live this lifestyle anymore, but once in a while, after missions or whatever, when you need it…”

Kakashi shook his head, the threat of tears pushing at the backs of his eyes. “No, I don’t want that with you.”

Hurt flashed across Iruka’s face and he murmured, “Oh, okay. I understand.” 

Kakashi immediately regretted his choice of words. “No, shit,” he tried to move but his fatigue was more than just emotional, “I didn’t mean that like it sounded.”

“How did you mean it?” Iruka asked, his eyes lidded.

Kakashi took a breath. “I mean that I don’t want an occasional thing with you, Iruka-sensei. I want to be with you all the time.”

Iruka’s eyes widened and immediately filled with tears. He clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle a quiet “oh my God” and then pressed both palms into this eyes. “Sh…shit…” he murmured wetly, shaking with sobs and laughter at the same time. Kakashi reached out his hand to touch the sensei’s arm gently, and he younger man uncurled himself and slid across Kakashi’s lap. He wrapped himself around The Copy Nin’s body, one knee on either side of Kakashi’s thighs, and held him tight. 

He whispered against the jounin’s temple, “Kakashi-san, do you love me?”

“Yes,” Kakashi said without hesitation. “Yes, I love you.”

Iruka pulled back so he could splay his fingers across Kakashi’s cheeks. He ghosted his lips across Kakashi’s and breathed heavily into his mouth.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” he whispered, “It’s a like a dream.”

Kakashi slid shaking hands up smooth thighs and gripped strong, tanned hips. “You’re so perfect Iruka-sensei, I don’t even understand how you’re real.”

Iruka kissed him then, his tongue slid into Kakashi’s mouth and he groaned, low and deep in his throat. His length pressed hard and anxious into Kakashi’s stomach, making the older man shiver with anticipation and need.

“The first time you touched me,” Iruka said between kisses, “when you slid the cock ring on, I thought I was going to die. Fuck, that first time was so incredible. Your hands and your voice, oh God, your _voice_.”

Kakashi was overwhelmed. There were so many places to touch, so many kisses to catch up on, so much skin to drag his lips over and caress. 

“I thought you hated it, you seemed so upset afterwards.”

Iruka shook his head and kissed him again. “I was angry at myself for enjoying it so much. You were so professional so I thought I was making you angry.”

“No,” Kakashi managed to sit up and wrap his arms around Iruka’s waist, “hell no. I wanted to comfort you so badly. I wanted to take you back to the hotel and do it again. I swear I was anything but professional, sensei.”

“Call me Iruka,” he panted, “please.”

“Iruka…” Kakashi said softly.

As he slid his hands up into Kakashi’s hair, Iruka whispered, “Eventually, I want talk about everything. I want to know what you were thinking during the mission, and I want you to know how I was feeling.” He kissed The Copy Nin’s lips again. “But right now I want something else.”

Kakashi trembled violently and his heart beat so hard he was sure the sensei could hear it.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to lie back and put your hands on the edge of the tub.”

Kakashi obeyed without hesitation. He leaned back, resting his back against the smooth porcelain, and lifted his hands. When he wrapped his fingers around the tub’s edges, he asked, “Like this?” 

“Yes,” Iruka whispered. “Now, keep them there.”

Kakashi writhed as the sensei ground his hips down. When Iruka licked and kissed his way up his neck, the jounin groaned softly and let his head fall back. He felt helpless as Iruka touched every part of him with his fingers and with his tongue, but he also felt safe, comforted, loved. It was all so unexpected, so unbelievable that when Iruka lowered himself to the water and took Kakashi’s length in his mouth, The Copy Nin felt the tears return and trickle down from the corners of his eyes. He arched hard as the sensei sucked him under the water and stroked him with strong hands. It felt so good, so terribly _good_.

The tension coiled in his loins, pressure built and pleasure started to crest. He felt himself on the verge of coming, his toes curled and his thighs squeezed Iruka’s torso.

“Ah,” he gasped, “yes…”

Then it stopped. Iruka slid off his erection and lifted himself from the water, breathing heavily and pulling his wet hair back from his face. 

“No, no, don’t stop,” Kakashi begged, “Please don’t stop, Iruka, I’m so close.”

“I know,” the sensei said softly, leaning in for another long, amazing kiss. He climbed back into Kakashi’s lap, rolling his hips, teasing the jounin’s aching cock with every move. “Calm down, get it under control, I’m not done yet.”

Kakashi clenched his jaw against another soft moan and closed his eyes. He could do it. He could do it for Iruka, if Iruka wanted him to.

“Okay…” he whispered, “Okay, do what you want. I won’t come.”

Iruka ground down again and nipped at Kakashi’s bottom lip. “You promise?”

“Yes,” Kakashi whispered, “Shit, I mean I’ll try. I’ll fucking try...”

“Good boy,” Iruka said as he lifted himself up, putting his weight on Kakashi’s shoulder. The jounin felt the sensei’s fingers on his length, guiding him, and then he was sliding inside. There was warmth, so much hotter than the water surrounding him, and there was softness, and Iruka’s hands on his face, Iruka’s lips on his skin. He arched again and moaned softly as Iruka sank down on him completely. He was delirious with pleasure, high on being at Iruka’s mercy. All he wanted was to grip those amazing hips and thrust up into the sensei until he passed out. It wouldn’t take much, he was so close.

“Iruka,” he growled against the sensei’s chest, “please may I touch you. Please let me hold you.”

“No,” Iruka said as he started to move. Slow, powerful rolls of his hips that sent Kakashi’s head spinning. “Not yet. Show me you can do as I say when it’s not a mission.”

It was excruciating, not being able to touch; not being able to participate beyond his cock sliding in and out of heaven at an almost painfully slow pace. He grunted in pleasure, in frustration, his loins ached in want of release but he held on. He held desperately to the edges of the tub as Iruka fucked him so slow, so lovingly, it started to mend his heart and break it all over again at the same time.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said, his voice breathless, “tell me you love me. Say it again.”

He was trembling under Iruka’s weight, shaking beneath all that power and strength, that amazing sexuality he had seen again and again. It was all directed at him now, there was no audience, no mission, just Iruka and is love and his passion. 

“I love you.”

Iruka came in close and panted in his ear. “My name, Kakashi-san. Say it with my name.”

“I love you, Iruka.” 

He felt the catch in Iruka’s breathing, the sob that wracked his frame but came out silently. Kakashi couldn’t hold out anymore, he was at his limit.

“Iruka,” he begged again, “Iruka, please. Let me hold you, please.”

The sensei put one hand on the edge of the tub and the other pumped himself roughly as he sped up his movements. “Ah, yeah do it. I’m coming.”

Kakashi sat up, his hands moving to Iruka’s hips. He thrust a handful of times before the noises Iruka was making set him off. He came so hard he saw stars on the edges of his blacked-out vision. He moaned into the sensei’s neck, pulsing into that amazing body. And then, when what little strength he had left him, he melted into Iruka’s shaking embrace.

“…you…” Iruka was whispering against his cheek, “I love you… I love you…” 

They stayed that way for a long time, long after the water cooled and goosebumps broke out across their skin. Neither of them wanted to move, to break the moment. However, when Kakashi started to shiver, Iruka pulled away and climbed out, coaxing The Copy Nin out after him. He toweled them dry, and led Kakashi to the bedroom. The bed was soft and the blankets were warm. Kakashi stretched out on his side and breathed in the sweet smell of Iruka’s shampoo as he watched the sensei turn out all the lights and then slide into bed next to him. He wanted to say so many things, he wanted to tell the sensei what it meant—what being here in his bed meant, but Kakashi was so tired. He felt he had never been this tired before in his life, not even after almost dying. 

When Iruka took him in his arms, Kakashi relaxed against the sensei’s chest, closed his eyes, and drifted off into sleep within seconds.

* * *

Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, warming Kakashi’s skin and causing him to squint as he opened his eyes. Strange, his apartment faced the North, how was there sunlight in his bedroom? And why did he smell coffee?

He rolled to his back, and his shoulder brushed against a knee. He looked up, and found Iruka sitting against the headboard, hair loose, with a stack of papers in his lap. The sensei’s eyes lifted to meet his, and his lips turned up into a small smile.

“Morning,” he said softly. 

Kakashi swallowed. Everything from last night came crashing back to him in one shocking memory, the fight, his breakdown, the bath, the sex… Apparently, it hadn’t been a dream after all, unless he was still asleep. 

“Morning,” he said, surprised that he actually felt a little shy.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes please.”

The sensei reached over to the night stand and grabbed a mug with the words _World’s Best Teacher_ printed in rainbow colors across the side, and handed it to him. Kakashi sat up, took the cup, and took a small sip. It was still hot, but not enough to burn his tongue, so he took another long swallow. It tasted faintly like vanilla and sugar.

“I’m sorry, it’s probably too sweet,” Iruka said. “I don’t know how you take it.”

“It’s perfect,” Kakashi said, and moved to rest on his elbow. “What are you doing?”

“Grading papers. I called in today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t catch up.”

“You called in?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka nodded. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” His face reddened as he spoke, and he lifted a hand to rub at his scar absently.

Kakashi hid a smile behind the rim of the mug as his heart swelled. “What time is it?” 

“Um, after nine?” the sensei twisted to look at the clock. “Yeah, nine thirty-six.”

“Damn, I slept a long time.”

Iruka’s eyes stayed on his paperwork, his face getting redder by the second. “You seemed like you needed it.”

Taking one last swallow, Kakashi rolled and placed the mug on the shelf on his side of the bed, then he rolled back and propped himself up against the headboard directly next to Iruka so the length of their bodies touched. He reached over slowly, and took the red pen from the sensei’s fingers, even though Iruka had not written anything since Kakashi had opened his eyes. As he did, he noticed two small, silver bars through soft, pink flesh.

“I see you kept them.”

Iruka nodded, looking down at the nipple rings. “They reminded me of you.” 

He seemed tense, not in a bad way, but it was obvious there was something on the sensei’s mind.

“Are you all right?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka nodded. “I’m great, really great, actually. Just embarrassed… again.”

Feeling a fluttering in his chest, Kakashi nudged the sensei’s shoulder playfully. “It’s quite adorable how you can fuck me senseless in your bathtub and then the next morning you get all nervous and blushy.”

Iruka actually laughed into his hands, genuine and musical, a sound that lifted Kakashi’s spirits even higher and started to rekindle the feelings of arousal from the previous night.

“Thank you,” Kakashi said suddenly, the words spilling from his lips unplanned.

Smiling at him over laced fingers, Iruka tilted his head to lean it against the headboard. He brushed his hair from his face and looked at Kakashi for several long moments, seemingly content. A quiet peace filled the room as the two men studied each other and shared each other’s warmth underneath a tangle of sheets. 

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered, breaking the silence, “I want to negotiate with you.”

The sweet arousal that had been building inside Kakashi ignited and a pleasant shiver raced up and down his body at those words.

“Oh really?” Kakashi was proud that his voice was still steady. “How to you know about negotiations?”

“I’ve been studying. I’ve done a lot of research in the last month.”

“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes.”

There was no going back now. Kakashi knew he wanted this, he had wanted it since the sensei had first writhed under his touch. Now here they were, and Iruka was offering it to him freely.

“I can be cruel.”

Iruka nodded, “I’ll know when to stop you.”

Kakashi’s heart thudded against his ribcage, it beat so hard he could feel it in his throat, in his gut, all the way to the tips of his toes. He couldn’t believe this was happening, this was too perfect. He had left the lifestyle because he didn’t trust anyone enough to be with them. He had become disenchanted with everything, thinking the scene had nothing left to offer him. But now, here was a man who was everything he could ever have hoped for. Someone strong, smart, and confident enough in himself to handle whatever Kakashi gave him; who could give it back with the same force. Here was someone Kakashi could trust and love and give himself over to completely.

“I will do this with you, under one condition.”

Iruka watched him carefully and nodded his head. “What is it?”

Kakashi took a moment to breathe, to collect his thoughts and his courage. What he was about to ask the sensei, was something he had never, ever intended to ask anyone. 

“I want…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “I am going to need you to switch.”

Iruka’s eyes widened and Kakashi felt his breath catch.

“S-switch?”

Kakashi nodded. “I want to give you the things I know that I can give you. You respond well to how I work. I mean, it seems like you like it, at least.”

“I do,” Iruka whispered.

“But I think,” Kakashi’s voice trembled as he spoke, “I think I need to be the one taking sometimes. Like after a rough mission, or when I just…” He stopped and studied Iruka’s face for a long moment before he figured out what he was trying to say.

“Sometimes I fall apart, and I want you to be the one that’s there for me.”

Iruka’s smile was dazzling as the sensei reached for his hand and held it tight. He laced his fingers together with Kakashi’s and then lifted it to his lips.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Iruka said against Kakashi’s skin. “Oh my God, I know exactly how you feel. Yes. Yes, I will do that for you.”

Relief flooded Kakashi so intensely that his head spun. He pulled Iruka’s hand to him and kissed the sensei’s knuckles. He felt fingers against his cheek and leaned into Iruka’s gentle touches.

“How does this work though?” Iruka asked, “How do we do this?”

Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to live the lifestyle twenty-four-seven, so we would maybe have to have some kind of code or phrase that initiates a scene.”

“One of us can ask the other a question, and the other can give consent or not with the answer.”

Kakashi nodded. “I like that. What would we ask though?”

Iruka looked away, his brow furrowing in thought. His eyes stared at the bedsheets while Kakashi continued kissing his knuckles.

“What if we ask each other ‘do you think it will rain tomorrow’?”

Kakashi felt his body tremble and his eyes lidded. “And then we can respond with an easy ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Iruka, that’s genius.”

“Thank you,” the sensei smiled. “Um, but how do we know if we’re initiating as the Dominant or submissive?”

“Pet names,” Kakashi’s voice had become unsteady again. “When I want to initiate something as the Dominant, I’ll call you ‘my love’.”

Iruka looked at him then and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. There was no doubt that he was thinking and remembering the same things Kakashi was. The jounin’s body reacted to that smile a little more intensely that he had been expecting and he had to bite back a groan that pushed up from deep in his throat.

“What do I call you when I initiate as the Dominant, Kakashi-san?” 

Kakashi swallowed. “Boy…”

Iruka swallowed, the hair at the base of his skull had started to cling to the back of his neck, just slightly damp with perspiration. He nodded his approval of the pet name, and Kakashi took that chance to lift his hand and run his thumb over the sensei’s bottom lip.

“I only ask for one thing, Kakashi-san.”

“What is it?” The skin at Iruka’s collar was hot, it felt amazing underneath Kakashi’s fingers.

“I work with children, and I have friends that won’t understand what we have. Please, Kakashi-san, promise me that if you initiate something in public, you will be discrete.”

“I promise,” Kakashi leaned in close and breathed across Iruka’s jaw, “If you will also promise me something.”

“Anything,” Iruka murmured.

“Call me Kakashi when we’re alone.”

He felt Iruka tremble against him. The sensei’s breath had quickened, and his grip on Kakashi’s arms had become just shy of painful.

“Kakashi…” he breathed, trying it out. Kakashi loved the sound of it, it slid across Iruka’s tongue like it was meant to be there.

“What’s our safe word?” He whispered into a tanned neck.

Iruka tipped his head, leveling Kakashi with a gaze that halted The Copy Nin into stillness.

“Can we continue using lilac?”

There was a lot of weight behind that request, a lot of fear and unease in Iruka’s eyes as he spoke. Using the safe word from the mission would solidify their resolve to learn and grow from the experience instead of trying to push past it—or to forget it. Kakashi was very happy with the idea, and he was so pleased and proud that Iruka had suggested it. The Copy Nin knew that every time they used that safe word, or tested it, or reaffirmed it, that it would remind him that Iruka had forgiven him. Or at least, had tried to convince him that there was nothing to forgive.

To Kakashi, there was no difference between the two.

“Lilac it is.”

Iruka smiled and Kakashi felt his hands slide up his shoulders, to his neck, and then to his jaw. The sensei kissed his lips so gently it was almost like the summer wind, a warm caress without form. Too perfect to actually have happened.

“Thank you,” Iruka whispered.

Time slowed, and Kakashi was able to see every detail of the sensei’s skin. Every fiber, every pore, every wrinkle and line and imperfection coming together to make up the most perfect face to ever fall under The Copy Nin’s gaze. A bead of sweat had formed at the sensei’s temple, and as it made its way down tanned skin, Kakashi reached out with his fingers and caught it, swept it away. 

Every part of Iruka’s body was his, just as every part of him was Iruka’s. The idea was unfathomable, incomprehensible, and yet, so easy to understand and believe that Kakashi felt he had never been more at ease than he was at this moment. 

“Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, “My love…”

Iruka stilled at those words and his eyes widened. “Yes, Kakashi…”

“Do you think it will rain tomorrow?”

There was no hesitation. Iruka responded almost instantly.

“Yes.”

He was so sure, so confident. Kakashi might have been stronger physically, but Iruka’s strength of mind, and spirit was unparalleled. The Copy Nin brushed a lock of dark hair behind an ear and hoped that someday he could stand on even ground with this amazing person. 

“Of all the things I’ve done to you already, what did you like the most?”

Those dark eyes lidded as the sensei’s gaze unfocused. He glanced away for a handful of seconds before he looked back and he whispered softly, “I liked it when you spanked me, with your hand.”

Dizzy with arousal, Kakashi leaned in and spoke against Iruka’s throat.

“Would you like it if I did that again?”

Iruka’s body trembled under the jounin’s lips. “If doing it would please you.”

“It would please me.”

“Then yes,” Iruka’s voice had grown even quieter, breathless. “Yes, please.”

“Do you want me to do it here? On the bed?”

Iruka nodded. 

“Good,” Kakashi said and carefully sat up, no sudden movements. He reached across the sensei’s lap and gathered the paperwork along with the red pen, and set it all carefully on the night stand. Then he pulled the sheets away and dropped them over the side of the bed. Iruka was as naked as he was, flushed despite his dark skin.

Taking hold of Iruka’s ankles, in one easy move, Kakashi pulled the sensei down so he was resting on his back, his head on the pillow. Iruka’s sharp intake of breath was more pleasure than surprise, but then he held up a hand to Kakashi’s chest.

“Wait, Kakashi. May I show you something first?”

Intrigued, Kakashi nodded and sat back on his heels.

Rolling his upper body, Iruka reached over the side of the bed towards the corner. When he returned to his back, he had a long piece of red silk in his hands. It was about a foot wide and extremely soft to the touch.

“This is connected to a ring,” he said softly, “and the ring is locked around the post of the bed frame.”

Kakashi had forgotten how to breathe again, but he managed to get a few words past his lips despite. 

“Is there one on the other side?”

Iruka nodded again. “There’s one on all four posts.”

Kakashi took the silk from Iruka’s hands and ran it slowly through his fingers. It was expensive, that much was obvious. 

“You really did do your research.”

“I just thought…” Iruka stopped and his eyes fell.

“Don’t look away,” Kakashi said, and the sensei’s eyes returned to his face. 

“Tell me what you thought, my love.”

A shaking breath; a tongue flicked out over chapped lips.

“I thought that since I remembered, I had the advantage. I could get you comfortable with me and then ask if you wanted to tie me up.” The sensei’s face flushed an even darker red and, to Kakashi’s surprise, his eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry, I know that sounds really stupid now, but I was desperate, Kakashi. I just wanted to be with you again.”

His hands went to Iruka’s face and Kakashi kissed away the tears before they could touch the sensei’s cheeks. “It’s not stupid,” he murmured softly, “It’s not stupid at all. In fact, it’s incredibly sexy.”

Iruka made a sweet noise in the back of his throat. “Really? It’s okay?”

“Yes it is,” Kakashi said. “Now, roll to your stomach and lie flat.”

Iruka obeyed and Kakashi removed the pillows. When the sensei was settled, he took the silk bond and wrapped it around Iruka’s left wrist. He checked to make sure he could slide a finger in between the fabric and Iruka’s skin before he knotted it, and moved to the other side. When the sensei was tied down, with arms stretched to both sides, Kakashi scooted back to admire the view.

Iruka was watching him, his eyes a little afraid, but still loving, still passionate. 

“Iruka, my love, how does it feel?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisted his arms to test the give. “It’s frightening,” he said softly, “but it’s also intense… exciting.”

“Good,” Kakashi said.

He reached to gently spread Iruka’s legs apart, and then moved to kneel between them. He ran his palms over the sensei’s ass and rubbed circles into the muscles at his lower back. Iruka moaned into his shoulder, arching under his touch, and Kakashi swallowed as his mouth started to water.

“I’m going to spank you four times,” Kakashi said, “alternating from side to side. Then we will rest, and go another four. Do you understand?”

Iruka nodded. “Yes, Kakashi.”

Straitening, he slid his hands up Iruka’s thighs, slowly, just long enough to get the sensei to relax, and then…

 _Slap_.

Iruka cried out, his body tensed. Kakashi rubbed his palm over the skin where it was already starting to redden.

“Is that okay?” Kakashi asked, “Or do you want it harder?”

“Harder,” Iruka’s voice was throaty, deep.

 _Slap_. It was harder that time, hard enough that Kakashi’s hand stung.

“Yes…” Iruka moaned. 

_Slap_.

The headboard creaked as Iruka pulled at his bonds. “Oh God…” he murmured breathlessly into the sheet. “Oh my God…”

 _Slap_. 

Kakashi admired the welts that had begun to form across tanned skin and he rose up, trailing kisses along Iruka’s spine. When he reached the sensei’s neck, he put a hand down on the mattress for support and slid the length of his cock along the other man’s clef.

“You did very good,” he whispered into dark hair, “we’ll rest for a short while and then do it again.”

“Yes, Kakashi.”

Breathing in the scent of clean hair and coffee, Kakashi rolled his hips again, dragging hot flesh against flesh.

“Iruka, my love, why spanking?”

Iruka’s eyes were closed, but he opened them to look at Kakashi through thick eyelashes. “I like your hands on me.”

“I can lay my hands on you without spanking.”

Iruka nodded, “I know, but I like the sting. It lingers, like you’re still touching even after you’re not. Besides,” he closed his eyes again, turning his face once again into the sheets, “doing it with your hand makes it so you can feel it too.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but shiver. He was done for, Iruka knew how to play, and he knew how to tantalize just the way Kakashi liked.

“That’s very naughty,” he chuckled.

“I know,” Iruka said softly, “I’m very bad.”

“It’s all right,” Kakashi said and straightened back up, “you just need training.”

 _Slap_.

“Ah!” Iruka’s cry was back to being surprised. The first four slaps had been easy, a warmup. Now, Kakashi would show him what he really could do.

 _Slap_.

“Ah… _yes_ …”

 _Slap_.

“Do you still like it?”

Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisting his body. The sensei was arching, writhing under the pressure and the strain. He was so beautiful, so unreal.

“Yes, I love it. I love it Kakashi.”

“Good.”

_Slap_

Kakashi came in close again, sliding his hands over Iruka’s back, massaging, kneading into tense muscles with his strong fingers. The sensei was shuddering beneath him, partly sobbing, but it was punctuated by laughter, contented, joyous, laughter.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about right now,” Kakashi said.

“Ah…” Iruka’s voice had risen in pitch, and the edges had become rough, scratchy, “how can I explain? Mmm… I’m just happy. Before, when it was a mission, I had to pretend… that I was pretending… to like it? Am I making sense?” 

Of course he did, Kakashi understood exactly what he felt. Kakashi, as a shinobi, had been playing the part of a performer, but at the same time, in a way he had been playing the part of a shinobi as well. So many of his real thoughts and his real feelings had been a burden to him, they had tormented him. 

Now, he knew that it had been the same for Iruka.

“I understand,” Kakashi murmured, “I understand you perfectly, my love.”

“Now I can just… feel,” Iruka panted, “I can just love it without all the layers and the guilt… I can just tell you that it feels good and mean it… in every way.”

Kakashi’s cock throbbed at Iruka’s words, his heart ached at the sensei’s pure and loving words. He wanted to take Iruka now, to bury himself inside that body and rut until he lost his mind.

“Iruka,” he growled, “One more set. Can you do it?”

“Yes, Kakashi,” his voice was so sweet, “if it will please you.”

“Oh, Iruka,” The Copy Nin murmured as he straightened back up, “you have no idea.”

The sensei shuddered a half sob, half laugh and closed his eyes.

“I think I do…”

Kakashi laid into him. He struck as hard as his muscles would allow. _Slap!_ The sensei cried out, biting into the sheets. His form tensed and the sweat that had beaded across his shoulders and back started to run down his sides.

 _Slap!_ Kakashi’s hand stung, but what Iruka had said had been right, it was amazing to share the feeling. As Iruka cried out again, shook, pulled against the bindings, Kakashi grunted a noise that was partially from the pain, but mostly approval.

_Slap!_

“Ah! Fuck!” Iruka’s sobs had become continuous. Every breath he took was a litany of praises and cries of pain all jumbled together in a kind of beautiful music. Kakashi was panting, growing tired, his own sweat trickled down his chest and back to drip onto the bed.

_Slap!_

“Iruka, my love, you are amazing. I want to give you two more. Can you do it?”

“Y-yes…” Iruka cried. “Two more please, Kakashi.”

Kakashi readied himself, hands stinging with pain, shoulders aching. He laid both blows out one right after the other, _Slap! Slap!_ and then leaned forward immediately to untie the bonds from around Iruka’s wrists.

“Iruka…” he whispered softly, “Iruka, my love, you’re perfect. You’re so perfect…”

He helped the sensei turn over onto his back. Iruka was gasping, crying softly, tears trickling down his cheeks, but when he met Kakashi’s eyes, he smiled. He reached up and touched Kakashi’s cheek, his fingers shook.

“Not yet,” Kakashi said.

Now that Iruka was turned over, Kakashi took the silk bonds and tied them around Iruka’s wrists again. He still checked for tightness, but this time he made sure the bonds pulled the sensei wide. His arms lay straight out to the side, stretching his chest. In this position he did not have to worry about Iruka being able smothered, and he wanted the sensei to have less range of motion than he had before.

“Test them, love.”

Iruka pulled, tears trailing down his cheeks as he found he could barely move.

“It’s good,” he whispered, lips trembling.

Kakashi came close again, breathed against Iruka’s lips. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Anything.”

Iruka’s mouth parted, and Kakashi watched beads of sweat slip over his upper lip and inside, onto his tongue. He wanted to follow, but he would wait.

“I want…” Iruka panted, “I want you to fuck me. H-hard, as hard as you can.”

“What else?” 

“Fuck me until I come, and then keep going. Don’t stop until you come inside me.”

Kakashi’s arms felt like they would buckle. Iruka’s voice was too deep and too sexy to be asking for things like that so sweetly. 

“I’m going to need lotion, or lube, something. We can’t do this dry, I’ll tear you apart.”

“In the drawer,” Iruka motioned with his head.

The bottle was small and almost empty, but Kakashi poured some over his fingers and settled back in between Iruka’s spread knees. He pumped himself slick, sliding his hand underneath one long, muscled leg.

“Remember, Iruka, I can be very cruel.”

The sensei eyed him, flushed, sweating, panting like he had just run a hundred miles. 

“And you must remember, Kakashi, I will stop you if I can’t handle it.”

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. How did he get here? How was this possible? Any moment he was going to wake up and find that this was all a dream, wasn’t he?

“I love you,” he said, the awe in his voice could not be hidden.

Iruka smiled through his tears. “And I love you.”

Kakashi pushed Iruka’s leg up, and watched as he slid himself inside the other man in one, smooth motion. The sensei cried out, and for a moment, the heat and the pulse of Iruka’s body, the heady air, and the intensity of their sex was almost too much. But a few deep breaths calmed Kakashi, grounded him, and he leaned forward, gripping the headboard with both hands. He started to move.

He fucked Iruka like his life depended on it.

Time had stopped once again, the world around them had fallen away. There was nothing else in Kakashi’s universe anymore but Iruka. His body and his voice, his fucking beautiful voice, the sweat on his skin, the flush across his scar.

His eyes.

Iruka’s legs held him, squeezed the breath from his lungs. The sensei cursed, and groaned, and keened so beautifully Kakashi, in a haze of intoxication, started to wonder if maybe he was an angel. When the words started to tumble from Iruka’s lips, “…wanted this for so long… God, you’re so handsome… yes! there, don’t stop…” Kakashi didn’t have to wonder anymore.

Whe he felt Iruka tightening around him, Kakashi reached down between them and took Iruka’s length in his hand. He stroked the sensei with the same force as he was using to pound him into the bed.

“Kakashi… oh, Kakashi… I love you… _I love youfuck… ah… fuck!_

When he came, it was like a force of nature. Muscles rippled and flexed underneath his slick skin, he growled from deep in his throat, twisting and pulling on his bonds. His cock pulsed in Kakashi’s hand, splashing warmth over Kakashi’s fingers and across his stomach and chest. He was fucking gorgeous, fucking perfect.

Kakashi bore down, returning his hands to the headboard, his only focus now was his own release. Pleasure had rendered him completely uncomprehensive of anything but the friction of Iruka’s warm body around him. Everything was tensing, coiling, building in his loins, the pressure was peaking, and coherency was gone, far away and forgotten.

He released the headboard and placed his hands beside Iruka’s head, pressing his face into the sensei’s neck as he broke apart. His orgasm overwhelmed his senses, whited out his vision. A pleasure he had never known filled him completely, shooting from his core to his fingertips, to his toes, to his cock. He shuddered violently, murmuring words with no meaning into tanned skin as he emptied everything into Iruka’s body. 

As he came down, he became aware of a trembling mouth kissing him softly at his temple, whispering sweet words of love and affection. He lifted his head and met those lips in a gentle kiss. 

Tired and sated, he got up on his knees and released Iruka’s wrists. Immediately, the sensei’s arms were around him, pulling Kakashi back down against his chest. The Copy Nin had no other place he would rather be, so he tucked himself around Iruka and gently ran fingers through his damp hair.

“Are you all right?”

Iruka nodded against his neck. “I’m more than all right, Kakashi. I’m… amazing.”

Kissing the younger man’s forehead, Kakashi hummed softly, “I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you.”

“It’s not about who deserves what,” Iruka murmured, “It should never be about that. We love each other, we need each other. That’s all the matters to me.”

Kakashi said nothing, what could he say? 

They lay there for some time, dozing, holding each other as the sun climbed high into the sky. Kakashi swam in and out of sleep, alternately watching Iruka, and then clouds through the window. When the sensei finally did stir, he nuzzled into Kakashi’s arms and sighed contentedly.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

Kakashi smiled, “Are you offering to cook for me?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, this just gets better and better.”

Iruka was smiling when he pulled away, still when he kissed Kakashi’s lips. Kakashi really did try to smile back but he was stunned stupid by Iruka’s tussled hair and sleepy eyes. Kakashi thought he had already seen the sensei at his best, but no, he was wrong, Iruka looked best when he was just waking up.

“Would you like pancakes or waffles?”

“Uh…” Kakashi said lamely, “I don’t think I can make those kind of decisions right now.”

Iruka nodded and ran fingers through his hair. “Pancakes it is.”

Kakashi watched the sensei slide from the bed and stride naked across the room to slip on a pair of pants. He grinned at Kakashi and motioned for the jounin to follow him. After getting dressed, or at least decent enough if someone saw him through a window, Kakashi followed down the hall and into the kitchen. 

They made breakfast together, a common domestic thing that Kakashi had never had the chance to experience before—had never imagined he would experience it at all, especially with someone he cared for so deeply. It made The Copy Nin think of all the things he wanted to experience with Iruka. There were so many firsts, so many wonderful, simple things that he had to look forward to. Because of Iruka, he now had a reason to do more than just go through the motions of living, now Kakashi had a reason to actually _live_ his life.

He would not take this for granted. He would not take anything for granted ever again. He would do the best that he could, and be the best version of himself he could be for Iruka. 

Happy, and utterly content, he kissed the sensei over the stove. Covered in flower and eggs, blueberries coloring the tips of his fingers, Kakashi pushed the thought that he might not deserve this out of his mind. Iruka had told him it wasn’t about that, it was about how they loved each other, and how they could be what each other needed. To Iruka, that was all that mattered.

And so, Kakashi decided that was all that mattered to him too.

END


End file.
